Saturday, March 8, 2008

Leaving it to fate

After the initial scare, there were only a few yellow spotting which I didn't feel the need to go see my doctor immediately. Then later in the evening, after picking the girl up from the nursery, there was another discharge again similiar to the day before and I put two and two together and figured it was from carrying the girl to and from the carseat. However, this time there were no signs of blood.

I told hubby about this and I said I cannot not carry the girl now and then especially when I'm alone with her most of the time and neither will I blame the girl if anything were to happen to this pregnancy. I am going to leave it to fate, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. This was how I felt too during Rye Li's time. I really thought I would have lost her from all that spotting and cramps at that time.

I'm also wondering how did many mothers during my mother's and grandma's time have so many kids one after another with no help survive their pregnancies! Are they made of steel then? Haha...even now, for those mothers who have so many kids, how did you all do it? I know you guys just take it as normal and live life like usual. So this is what I'm going to do, live like normal (while coping with the nausea, tiredness and an active 2 year old at home!).

And while I'm at it, I might as well make the most of out this pregancy....I didn't actually have a pregnancy diary when I had Rye Li (I did do some at my other blog which I will extract what I typed out there where necessary to do a comparison) so I will try and do one here for Baby 2. Yes, I will name it baby 2 as I don't feel nice calling it "it". ;)

From Baby Centre, it said that at 5 weeks, "Your embryo (at this tiny stage, she's still not technically considered a baby or even a fetus yet) is enjoying her first huge growth spurt. Although she still resembles a tadpole more than anything else, she's sprouting tiny buds that eventually will become arms and legs. Already her vital organs, including the heart, kidneys, and liver, are in place and growing. "

This is so amazing, a miracle, from nothing to growing into something. Of course I can't help but glee from ear to ear. Although the nauseous feeling is making me feel down now, and because of this I also ask myself "what have I got myself into again?!" (since Rye Li, I still have the fear of the nausea and morning sickness phase!) but I know in a year's time, if you ask me if I will go through this again just to have my babies, my answer will be "YES!".

Below is what I wrote in my non-active private blog when I found out I was pregnant with Rye Li and the title was "In my next life, I wanna be a boy!" (I know, I can be such drama queen). It looks as if my emotions are just the same, very emotional as always.

It’s been nearly 2 weeks since we found out. We have been trying since after cny this year but were not trying hard enough. Results didn’t show and as much as I was disappointed, I know that it should not be the case coz we were not trying that hard. Not easy making a baby. I know many will beg to differ but that is the case with us. And with all those years of wondering and worrying whether I could and so on, it finally came true!

My period was late in april running into the 35th day cycle…I’m always around 28-32 days there. And I was spotting in between and definitely cramping but there were no sign of blood. Visited the doc at the normal clinic and he did a urine test. Negative. He said if my period don’t come in a week’s time, to come in a check again. I was disappointed then coz I thought perhaps I could be. 2 days later, my period came. Screwed my system up for the first time in many years and I was thinking to myself, how am I going to calculate my ‘peak’ time now. And not forgetting, it spoilt our koh samui trip. The trip was suppose to be THE trip where we will try like mad in a relaxed environment. But it was not meant to be.

The next period…again late. And I thought it could be the same case as the previous month. And I was cramping too and spotting again…didn’t think I was coz it’s too painful to be pregnant.Wanted to wait till I’m 45 days late but when I hit 43 and was spotting the day before, I thought I shld jst go and check with the doctor. This time I went to another clinic coz I felt that the last one was negative and I didn’t want to go through that all similar path again jst to find the same results back. Also, I didn’t want the cute doctor to think I was paranoid. Haha.

Did a urine test and it came out positive. Was so shocked! Really shocked…it worked! Hah. But the doc said that I shld go see a proper gynae to rule out any danger since I’m not suppose to be cramping and spotting. Hubby was shocked too and happy. We both had mixed feelings…was too excited to have lunch even.

We went to the gynae that nite itself…the wait was crazily trying for us. We both were still in shock and worried. Finally our turn came. The doc ultra scanned me but he said that it’s too vague to see and asked whether I want to wait for another week or so or do the scope thingy. Guess he had to ask coz there’s a price to pay for anything and everything. I just told him to do the scope coz I don’t think I can possibly wait any longer.

The scope confirmed the pregnancy and next to the little fella, there was a dark line which the doc confirmed was blood clots. In all that excitement and shock, we didn’t even ask him why was in there. He jst told us that I will need to take this medication for the nxt 10 days to clear the blood clot or to stop the bleeding. And to see him in 3 weeks time. And he said I was 6 weeks. Hubby and I looked at each other shocked coz we know it was impossible. The doc just said to know how accurate the little fella is, we will know in the nxt visit.

We walked out dazed and still in shock. And we told his family and our close friends. It’s nearly 2 weeks since then and I have been sick! Had morning sickness for 3 days in a row last week and have been feeling nauseous all the time. And it was in such a bad timing to have all these as my work has been crazy. And the doc said I should be resting! Sigh! And then there was all the weird symptoms….side pains, cramping and I was still spotting now and then.

Have been reading some books and there’s so many questions I need to ask the doc when I see him next Monday. I’m gonna do a blood test to make sure the little fella is healthy. I pray to god that he/she is….i don’t want to have to face to make a difficult situation later.

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