Grandma has left us unexpectedly early Wednesday morning. We were all surprised as we didn’t think she would go so suddenly just like that. She was 76 years old.
Apparently, she collapsed on Tuesday afternoon and was already unconscious when my youngest cousin found her in the toilet. She never woke up and was in a comatose state since then. We got her to the hospital by an ambulance and after several checks and scans, it was found that there was a lot of bleeding at the back of her brains in which the doctors confirmed that it wasn’t caused by the fall but a rupture by one of her veins.
Due to several factors, which also include her age and the fact that she’s taking medication to thin her blood, the doctor doesn’t recommend immediate surgery to stop the bleeding. They added that she would not wake up from her comatose state and told us to expect that her time can be anytime from then on. It is also a matter of time when her lungs give way and the family has to make a decision to keep her on a ventilator or not.
I rushed to the hospital after work that evening and found her breathing quite heavily into the mask they had for her, with her chest heaving up and down aggressively. At first I thought she was on a ventilator but it was all her and I was amazed at such strength she had (you tend to see people so ‘dead’ when they are in a coma state on TV). It broke my heart to see her like that and not responding to me at all – at least during Grandpa’s time, even when he was suffering, he responded to us till the last moments of his life.
I left the hospital about 8-30pm that night saying my last goodbye to her, having to pick Rye Li up from the day care and I didn’t expect Grandma to leave us in 4 hours later as I thought she would wait for one of my uncles who is in Singapore. She passed away at 12-23am.
I am with mixed feelings of her sudden death. In a way, I’m glad she went peacefully and painlessly (I hope!) especially after seeing how Grandpa suffered the last 5 months of his life. And at the same time, I am really sad that she didn’t live long enough to see baby H. Apparently the week before, she asked my sister what to give baby H when she is born.
It’s also ironic that 3 weeks before Rye Li was born, my great grandmother, my grandma’s mom passed away. And I was calculating in 3 weeks time I will be 37 weeks in which Rye Li was born at 37 weeks. And now that Grandma has passed away 3 weeks before I turned 37 weeks with baby H, I can’t help but feel a little superstitious now. I’ve been telling people the next time I plan to have another baby, I would think twice already.
We had her funeral today, with her body cremated after the mass at church. This time we had her wake and mass at a different church to that of Grandpa’s due to unavailability at the previous church.
I only brought Rye Li to the wake yesterday and the funeral today as hubby only got back from India (a day earlier than scheduled) early yesterday morning. I am amaze at her understanding of the whole thing. She knows that “Mummy’s grandma” (as she calls my mom Grandma too and she knows the difference between mummy’s grandma and rye li’s grandma) has gone to heaven to join Dr. Foo (her paediatrician) and she can even reply with “I miss Dr. Foo and Mummy’s grandma”. I initially didn’t want her to see my Grandma’s body till the funeral but she insisted with “see only” and so we let her. She asked many times after that to see her and we let her too. She knows that Grandma is ‘sleeping’ in the coffin and that she cannot wake up already. She did ask many questions after that like “why mummy’s grandma sleeping in the coffin”, “why mummy’s grandma go to heaven already like Dr. Foo” and “why the people (my relatives) don’t want to go home (from the church as we left earlier than the rest)” and she can even tell the caretakers at the day care that she went to church to say bye to mummy’s grandma. When we picked her up from the day care just now, she asked whether are we going to the church again. She was well behaved throughout the mass and I wasn’t sure whether she talked or not as she sat several rows behind me with the maid. She only got upset when it was time to leave the church after the mass to the crematorium and she couldn’t follow me (hubby took her and the maid to the day care). Since I last missed Grandpa’s session at the crematorium, I didn’t want to miss Grandma’s this time.
I am also going to miss my Grandma big time like how I am still missing my Grandpa. Grandma passed away just over a year after my Grandpa did. It’s ironic that I was craving for her bubur cha cha (malay: a dessert dish) lately and now that she is gone, a lot of her recipes are too. This Christmas will be a huge void to all of us who are so used to celebrating Christmas at Grandma’s place with our grandparents. Already last Christmas was our first without Grandpa and we did feel a great sense of loss then. And now, we will feel a bigger lost. I’m not sure even whether we will be celebrating Christmas like how we have always been and it is a shame really as I was so looking forward to this Christmas with Baby H! And I’m not sure whether we will still have the house – it has been our family reunion venue for Christmas and Chinese New Year and other celebrations for over 25 years already!
Apparently, she collapsed on Tuesday afternoon and was already unconscious when my youngest cousin found her in the toilet. She never woke up and was in a comatose state since then. We got her to the hospital by an ambulance and after several checks and scans, it was found that there was a lot of bleeding at the back of her brains in which the doctors confirmed that it wasn’t caused by the fall but a rupture by one of her veins.
Due to several factors, which also include her age and the fact that she’s taking medication to thin her blood, the doctor doesn’t recommend immediate surgery to stop the bleeding. They added that she would not wake up from her comatose state and told us to expect that her time can be anytime from then on. It is also a matter of time when her lungs give way and the family has to make a decision to keep her on a ventilator or not.
I rushed to the hospital after work that evening and found her breathing quite heavily into the mask they had for her, with her chest heaving up and down aggressively. At first I thought she was on a ventilator but it was all her and I was amazed at such strength she had (you tend to see people so ‘dead’ when they are in a coma state on TV). It broke my heart to see her like that and not responding to me at all – at least during Grandpa’s time, even when he was suffering, he responded to us till the last moments of his life.
I left the hospital about 8-30pm that night saying my last goodbye to her, having to pick Rye Li up from the day care and I didn’t expect Grandma to leave us in 4 hours later as I thought she would wait for one of my uncles who is in Singapore. She passed away at 12-23am.
I am with mixed feelings of her sudden death. In a way, I’m glad she went peacefully and painlessly (I hope!) especially after seeing how Grandpa suffered the last 5 months of his life. And at the same time, I am really sad that she didn’t live long enough to see baby H. Apparently the week before, she asked my sister what to give baby H when she is born.
It’s also ironic that 3 weeks before Rye Li was born, my great grandmother, my grandma’s mom passed away. And I was calculating in 3 weeks time I will be 37 weeks in which Rye Li was born at 37 weeks. And now that Grandma has passed away 3 weeks before I turned 37 weeks with baby H, I can’t help but feel a little superstitious now. I’ve been telling people the next time I plan to have another baby, I would think twice already.
We had her funeral today, with her body cremated after the mass at church. This time we had her wake and mass at a different church to that of Grandpa’s due to unavailability at the previous church.
I only brought Rye Li to the wake yesterday and the funeral today as hubby only got back from India (a day earlier than scheduled) early yesterday morning. I am amaze at her understanding of the whole thing. She knows that “Mummy’s grandma” (as she calls my mom Grandma too and she knows the difference between mummy’s grandma and rye li’s grandma) has gone to heaven to join Dr. Foo (her paediatrician) and she can even reply with “I miss Dr. Foo and Mummy’s grandma”. I initially didn’t want her to see my Grandma’s body till the funeral but she insisted with “see only” and so we let her. She asked many times after that to see her and we let her too. She knows that Grandma is ‘sleeping’ in the coffin and that she cannot wake up already. She did ask many questions after that like “why mummy’s grandma sleeping in the coffin”, “why mummy’s grandma go to heaven already like Dr. Foo” and “why the people (my relatives) don’t want to go home (from the church as we left earlier than the rest)” and she can even tell the caretakers at the day care that she went to church to say bye to mummy’s grandma. When we picked her up from the day care just now, she asked whether are we going to the church again. She was well behaved throughout the mass and I wasn’t sure whether she talked or not as she sat several rows behind me with the maid. She only got upset when it was time to leave the church after the mass to the crematorium and she couldn’t follow me (hubby took her and the maid to the day care). Since I last missed Grandpa’s session at the crematorium, I didn’t want to miss Grandma’s this time.
I am also going to miss my Grandma big time like how I am still missing my Grandpa. Grandma passed away just over a year after my Grandpa did. It’s ironic that I was craving for her bubur cha cha (malay: a dessert dish) lately and now that she is gone, a lot of her recipes are too. This Christmas will be a huge void to all of us who are so used to celebrating Christmas at Grandma’s place with our grandparents. Already last Christmas was our first without Grandpa and we did feel a great sense of loss then. And now, we will feel a bigger lost. I’m not sure even whether we will be celebrating Christmas like how we have always been and it is a shame really as I was so looking forward to this Christmas with Baby H! And I’m not sure whether we will still have the house – it has been our family reunion venue for Christmas and Chinese New Year and other celebrations for over 25 years already!
Grandma, I miss you so much already but like I told you that night, if you have to go, we understand. We will always love you and will remember you. When baby H is born, I know you and Grandpa will be looking down on us smiling. You rest in peace now.
In memory of my grandparents - with Rye Li when she was about 4 months old.
2 comments:
I'm so sorry for your loss, Synnee. May your grandma rest in peace and forever look down upon your family. Hang in there, dear.
Sorry for your loss again, Syn. That's a very nice photo of Rye Li with her great grandparents :)
She sounds really well-behaved at the funeral...
Focus on baby H this Christmas - some people believe that when one person goes, another takes their place. Heard of that before?
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