The wake and funeral

Grandpa had his wish for a Catholic funeral.

His body was laid at Holy Rosary church (the funeral parlour section) early evening on the day he passed away. We (hubby, the girl and I) went there that night.

The moment we arrived, I noticed he had a white coffin. I wanted to see him and decided not to let the girl see his body (I feel she's too young to understand the situation and if any memory I want her to have of Grandpa would be those in the photos we have of him, a healthier version rather than his dead body - she recognizes his pictures and will go "mummy's grandpa"). And I was right to make this decision as when I first lay sight on his body, I'm also shocked.

He had been already been skinnier for the past year, and the past few months, his body was getting very thin, close to skeletal (he had not been eating in the last few months). And what laid in the coffin before me, was a very close description of a skeleton. His eye sockets had already sucken in and so did whatever cheeks he had left. I was surprised because he was not looking like this when I saw him a week back.

Although his face doesn't look like the man we may know, he was dressed handsomely in his own suit (with a vest) which he wore in the very same church when my parents were married there 34 years ago. I got to see his suit the next day when the undertakers came to replenish the dry ice in the coffin (this is something I would like to blog on one day, as in these undertakers' job). The rest of us who have not seen his full body yet got to see him today before his body was brought into church and where each of us left a flower on him.

Before I move on, let me share on something, one of my weaknesses. I'm scared of death (as you all already know) and also of ghosts. Although I've had encounters with ghosts, I am still terrified with these matters and this is why I totally avoid ghost movies. I also do not like funerals (who does?!) and you can say that I am scared of them due to it being related to death and perhaps ghosts.

So when I went into the parlour alone (at that time, there were a few people around and they were sitting outside of the parlour), I was scared but I felt the need to and this overcome my weakness. Although I was shocked with how Grandpa looked, I remained there and cried and was picturing the Grandpa I once knew, the happy memories of a healthier him. I think I stood there for several minutes until I realized a tear of mine dropped on his coffin and hence, broke the trance. I turned away and realized that hubby came into the parlour with the girl so I walked to them.

We hung out there for a bit and then left. That night, as I mentioned before I could not sleep well. I was in between sad and scared at the same time. For the record, when I posted previously that I kept hearing Grandpa's voice telling me not to be scared and all, it was not as if he was there by my side kind of thing. It is like the inner voice you hear in your head. Grandpa had, numerous times, advised me on many things in my life when I was growing up and I pretty much know his style so when I was worried and scared, I usually will ask myself what will Grandpa has to say about it. I need to make this clear as my sister was telling me "what-la, grandpa talking to you and all?" after reading that post. :p

Anyhow, the next day which was yesterday (the second day after Grandpa's death), I also got to know that many of us couldn't sleep that night either. My young cousin sister, Natalie told me that she had to sleep with her mom as she was scared (reminded me of myself when my paternal grandmother passed away when I was 16 and I had to sleep in the same bed as my sister as I was scared like hell). I asked her what is she scared of and she replied "Ghost". I told her what is there to be scared off since she didn't do Grandpa any wrong (I told her this because this was exactly what my sister told me when I told her I was scared just before I arrived at the parlour...haha). I asked my mom whether she was scared as she also couldn't sleep and replied "Scared?! No-lah, sad-la of course, what is there to be scared of?!".

Back to the wake, I missed the prayers on the first night as I was in between entertaining the girl and other non-christians guests. So on the second night, I joined the prayers. We are blessed that Grandpa has Catholic neighbours and friends that assisted us with the wake and the funeral. They also lead the prayers. I am not a Catholic but I consider myself familiar (mostly) with it since I was raised in one (not fully and thoroughly of course) as I did spend most of my childhood days in Grandpa's house. I am not 100% (not even half of that) well versed in the prayers and I do get lost when I attend services in church or in prayer gatherings. And in Grandpa's wake and funeral service, I was totally lost. I do not know when to response and also what to say and there were alot of "Hail Mary's" and "Our Father" verses said over and over again like in any other services.

I like the wake and funeral, it was peaceful. And luckily, the songs were easy to follow. At least I can sing along to the words printed in the books. I've only been to a Catholic funeral once, my great grandmother's. This was just 3 weeks before I delivered Rye Li and her funeral was a sweet and short one, with everything done in 1 day.

So Grandpa's can be considered my second one and I very much like the way it went. The church service was held at 10am this morning, in the church of course. But before that, we had a personal one, some prayers for him done in the parlour before he was moved into the church. Too bad that the priest who lead the service wasn't to clear in his sermon so I couldn't capture mostly what he had to say other than what he read from the book which we all also had. I was mostly looking around and capturing as much as I could with what was going on.

The girl was sitting 2 rows behind me in the first half of the service. I didn't want to sit with her as I know she will want my attention. She behaved very well, sitting with her papa, observing around her till she got bored and asked for me. So I went and sat with them halfway. I am proud of her since this was her very first church service and she knew how to behave. Even throughout the wake (the last 2 nights, I brought her there after the nursery), she was very well behaved, of course, with the occasional questions of wanting me to carry her.

When the church service was over, we had to adjourn to the crematorium in PJ so I decided to drop the girl off at the nursery (which was on the way) before heading there. I thought it was the very same crematorium place in which my great grandmother was also cremated. When hubby and I arrived there, the place was empty but I noticed my uncles's cars were parked there. I walked around but couldn't find anybody and my phone calls to my brother and mother were unanswered. The people who worked there saw us wandering and when we asked them where were the people, they said that they were next door (where the chinese funeral parlour were). I didn't think that they would be there initially as I knew it was a Chinese funeral parlour. Also, I wasn't aware that there was another crematorium in there.

So by the time I actually found the crowd, Grandpa was already 'sent in'. They had a quick prayer and a last song sang (Amazing Grace). I was sad that I missed it but hubby consoled me by saying that perhaps it was meant to be and it was for the best as I would be even sadder should I be there during the 'sent off'. I just missed it by several minutes coz by the time I saw my brother and cousin (who recorded the whole thing), they were tearing. I chose not to see the recording.

I did take some pictures of the funeral, not inside the coffin of course (my cousin did) but on the overall look. Grandpa's coffin between the beautiful flowers he had received and also when we had the service inside the church. I wish I can put them up here but I have problems uploading photos in this site as they easily get distorted. And I've not figured how to link them from other photo sites yet. Perhaps one day when I've figured it out, I will as there is an old picture of Grandpa that I like very much, a cute picture of him that belongs to my cousin which I managed to capture on my camera.

In Grandpa's words "Life goes on, don't worry about me. I am alright, I am happy that I got to see my great grandchildren and all are well. You all take care and move on. I love you all"

I like the last song sang in the church today and the chorus is still ringing in my head...I'm dedicating the chorus to Grandpa as I do hope to see him one day when my time comes.

"In the sweet bye and bye, till we meet on that beautiful shore"