Boobs can be trained!

They really can be trained! LOL.

Since mid October, I have stopped pumping at work because :-

a) Haye Li is 1 year old already (she was approaching 1 then and I still had some supply left in the freezer which lasted for a few weeks after that)
b) My supply is decreasing big time
c) It takes too long to pump to get the quantity I want
d) I think I have achieved a whole lot pumping for a year! The fact that I lasted a year; something I thought I couldn’t pull through initially. So this is a huge achievement for me. *a big pat on my shoulders!*

I’m still breastfeeding the girl but only at nights, through the nights, mornings and weekends. I don’t know for how long more will I be doing this and I think I would let it just be, as long as the girl wants.

Back to the story…..the first two days of not pumping at work was kind of a discomfort for me. By 3-4pm, my boobs were really engorged. I had to just deal with the discomfort. The first day itself, when I was driving home that evening – I was getting desperate on how can I ease the discomfort. And all I could think of was Haye Li. So the second I entered the house, I asked for Haye Li and when I saw her, I went “Mummy is so happy to see you, you want nen-nen?” and she nodded her head yes. So I happily gave it to her but she only drank like halfway of one side and didn’t want anymore so I was still at a discomfort on the other side till it was her bedtime.

On the second day, same thing but it wasn’t as bad as the day before. By the third day, it was bearable and the rest of the week till now is a breeze. :D

But I have to admit, since then, my supply has decreased big time and I don’t get engorgements anymore. I also need to give Haye Li some formula in between weekends now when I feel that I do not have enough for her but she doesn’t drink much of formula when I’m around.

So this is the end of my pumping sessions – I am so happy! But there were 2 occasions I had to pump as I had a business dinner with a client and another time, Haye Li was really ill and didn’t drink much so I had to pump some milk out. But still, I am so happy that I don't have to pump anymore at work. :D

*I've got some more posts I want to update like my one and only time of expressing milk overseas and also the time I was so ill that I could not breastfeed as I was on strong medications. When I have the time...till then, stay tuned! :)

I'm still alive

Yes, I’m still here…thanks for the smses, calls, msn messages to check on how I’m doing since all three of our blogs haven’t been updated for some time. You know I do want to update them badly but as usual, time doesn’t permit me to. It’s the usual busy stuff at work and then after work, I’m tied up with the girls and weekends is just as hectic. Anyway, I’m also glad to know that we are missed if I happened to neglect the blogs. LOL.

I tell you, having two kids really takes most of your time and not just that, I don’t remember Rye Li growing so fast like how Haye Li is at the moment. The girl can crawl already!

Since I’m here, I want to update on where I last left off (so again, if you’re a guy reading this, don’t read further if you’re not into breastfeeding!) :D

Shortly after the previous post, while still in pain, I pumped out blood with my milk on one of the nights. After 2 oz of pink milk, I stopped. I threw the milk away coz I didn’t like the idea of freezing pink milk. I did allow her to suckle on still after that although it hurt so much. But I didn’t let her for the next 3 days on the effected side, only pumped so that my nipple could heal on its own. I didn’t expect the pain to linger around for so long, I think it lasted for more than 2 weeks but it was getting better at least. Now, I have cracked nipples on both sides. Yes, it still hurts (mildly if compared to the blocked ducts scenario) but my determination to see that this girl gets her breast milk till she is one year old still prevails.

Actually, I have been thinking about this; whether I want to stress myself out over breastfeeding. My stock in the freezer is depleting. I used to have as much as over 3 weeks of supply in there. But now, I only have about a week’s supply. I’m pumping lesser than what the girl consumes during day time and I know in time, my supply will not be enough for her.

It doesn’t help that I think she’s a little allergic to dairy products as I noticed if I consume too much of diary stuff, she has some kind of rash. I wanted to introduce her soy milk instead with her rice cereal to test her but Dr. Koe, the pediatrician cum lactation consultant said that rice cereal on its own is just fine. When I complaint to her my dilemma (sore and cracked nipples plus the fact that Haye Li wakes up so frequent at night), she just said “what to do, a mother’s job is never easy!”.

With Rye Li, I introduced formula earlier as I needed the assurance that I have a backup if my breastfeeding fails so when it was time for her solids, I had no problems mixing it with formula. Now with Haye Li, I’m stuck whether to introduce milk formula or soy milk. At least I’m glad I managed to breastfeed her 100% till she’s 6 months (it was like 90% breast milk with Rye Li when she was 6 months old).

Over the weekend, I didn’t mix my expressed breast milk (EBM) with her rice cereal as the daycare will not be doing this. So I just wanted to mix sure that Haye Li gets the bland taste of rice cereal first on its own. I will be adding on my EBM to her cereals over the weekends after this. I think I will just go get the rice cereal with soymilk to test her in a few weeks time to give her the variety before we introduce to real porridge from 7 months onwards.

I was also asked why I want to torture myself (with the pain) constantly. Firstly, it’s more of an obligation since I managed to do the same with Rye Li although the circumstances then seems much easier. Secondly, I’m thinking to myself that if I can do it then, I can also do it now. Thirdly, when I just feel like giving up and want to introduce her formula (be it cow’s or soy milk), I realized how expensive these are and so I go back to my ‘just-stick-it-through-as-long-as-i-can’ mode. And finally, it does feel good to have your baby cuddled up to you while she’s nursing (although it can be a pain when she uses you as a pacifier!).

Don’t congratulate me yet as I still don’t know how long will this last – I seriously hate pumping and glad that I’m not pumping 5 times a day like how I was with Rye Li (I don’t pump over weekends at all) but still, it is just as tiring having to wake up several times in the night to nurse this girl. Anyway, one day at a time.

In pain, again!

If you’re a guy reading this, let me forewarned you first that this post is not for you. You would not want to be turned off when looking at women’s boobs after this – LOL! Yes, I’m going into details of breastfeeding again. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

I’m having blocked ducts again. Second time since I had Haye Li. At least it’s not mastitis with the fever but the pain, unfortunately is very much the same. Damn painful!

It started with a sore nipple and I didn’t think anything of it as I get this on and off. Seriously, if you ever see how Haye Li drinks from the bottle, you would definitely make a comment. And I would reply “imagine when she drinks off me!”. Yes, she treats me the same, which I am kind of used to it with the discomfort now and then. So when the soreness came, and then the blocked ducts, I thought it would just be for a day or so but it has been 5 days and I’m still in pain! Sob Sob!

The soreness came to a blister like and milk was trapped in it, which eventually led to hardened patches on my boobs. Out of desperation and I didn’t have the time to go see Dr. Koe, I took it into my own hands and had to burst the blister with a sterilized needle, many, many times. And when I’m nursing or pumping, the pain was a nightmare! How I wish we can actually numb the boob while nursing. Even when I’m not nursing, it still hurts as I got trapped milk in there.

Now, I don’t have hardened patches anymore but it still hurts when I’m nursing. And my nipple is still sore. Since this is my second time with Haye Li, I’m really questioning myself how long do I want to do this. It’s definitely the way she latches on. If it happens for the third time again, I think I may just stop breastfeeding altogether.

I am stressed this week – a mixture of my rushed juggling role as a working mom and a full time mom after work. And with hubby away for work, with the lesser supply of my expressed milk and with the blocked ducts, it made it worst, and the pain that came with it. See what a ‘mess’ I am now that I can't even type proper sentences anymore. Hah!

Another thing to add, Haye Li’s gotten into latching on me most of the time while she sleeps lately. You can say she’s using me as a pacifier but she is really drinking when the milk comes. During daytime over the weekends, she won’t let go at all while she sleeps so I’m literary stuck with her and can’t do anything else. My boss was telling me if I can’t seem to finish some of my overdue work, I can do it at home and I will give her the stare and tell her how my life is at home. I have no time at all to squeeze work in and even if I do, I don’t want to as I can’t concentrate with a crying baby every half hour or so. Even when I get the chance to blog, I’ll get interrupted by Rye Li or Haye Li now and then and I will leave my stuff hanging there and I tend to forget what I wanted to say or miss out some other relevant points. So you can imagine if I do my work at home while attending to them!

Back to breastfeeding, it’s tougher with Haye Li and it’s challenging me in the face whether I want to do this till she’s a year old. Ah….I will bite the bullet for now (again) and see if I can withstand the pain if ever I have this again…I sure hope it doesn’t come round again!

A breastfeeding moment

I have to blog about this….since Haye Li is still small although she has put on some weight, none of the mittens we have can really fit her so most of the times she go mitten-less.

So when I was nursing her just now on my left boob, I just let her be while I was watching TV. When I looked down on her, her left hand was against her upper cheek and she was showing me the finger! I just burst out in laughter and wished my camera was with me then.

This kinda made my day coz it made me laugh….something I really need these days!

Mastitis updates

Because the lumps are not going away and it still hurts while nursing and breastfeeding, I went to see the infamous Dr. Koe this morning and I was really impressed with her. I’ve heard about her over 3 years ago but never needed to see her till today. All this while, I thought she was only a Lactation Consultant but I found out this morning online that she’s a Pediatrician cum Lactation Consultant. I was thinking of going alone after dropping Rye Li off the daycare but when I found out she was also a Paed, I brought along Haye Li and MIL.

And it was a good thing I brought Haye Li as not only my visitation is under her name but Dr. Koe corrected on how I’ve been breastfeeding Haye Li all this while. She is so patient and really spent her time with us. Think we spent a good 45 minutes with her and she only charged me RM81 (which RM56 was my antibiotics and I also had a eye drop for the girl’s eye discharge which she had since she was born). So much cheaper than SJMC I must say! I’m thinking now of bringing the girls to her for their jabs but if any emergencies of flu and fever, SJMC is still nearer to our place.

I felt good walking out from Dr Koe’s clinic, as if I’ve achieved something. I must recommend for any moms who are not confident in breastfeeding to see her, something I regretted not doing with Rye Li!

I’m going to digress a bit….on the way to my car from the clinic, we passed several coffee shops with many hawker outlets and I had good whiffed of Char Kuey Teow (Fried Flat noodles) and it smelled damn good! I don’t fancy this at all during normal times but I guess this is what 3 weeks of confinement does to you! I know what I will be looking for in a week’s time! :D

Blocked ducts + Fever = Mastitis = Pain!

Breastfeeding, can it get any better?!

Two days ago, I experienced some blocked ducts on my left and it was painful nursing Haye Li or while pumping but I continued anyway as I need to empty it in order to get better. Then at night, I started having fever. This is a first time for me. I've experienced blocked ducts with Rye Li before but never fever.

I didn't dare take Panadol then so I was having fever through the night while suffered in pain when nursing Haye Li. Morning came and my fever was 39.3 degrees and I felt I better do something about the fever. Thanks to my friend, who also experienced Mastitis before, told me that I could take panadol and I did.

I also called my doctor and I remembered that he was away for a seminar this week so I spoke to his senior nurse who advised me if the fever didn't go away after taking panadol in the morning, I should go in and see a doctor. By noon, my fever broke and so I didn't bother going into the hospital. But when the panadol wore off, it came back and so I took panadol again.

At the mean time, I still fed Haye Li with the affected boob (which was excrutiating painful!) and used hot towel on it while massaging it as well (thanks to my friend's advice). Evening came and my fever came back but nursing or pumping wasn't as painful as in the morning. But I had new lumps. In the middle of the night, I was still having low grade fever but I didn't take panadol and decide to only take it in the morning if there is still fever.

My fever is gone for the moment but the lumps are still there. It still hurts to nurse or pump and also while massaging but it wasn't as painful as the first time. I will still take panadol later as I'm having a big headache too, probably from all the sweat from the breakout of the fever. My appetite has worsen and I asked MIL to cook some soup today so I can replenish on the liquids lost. Also, the quantity of milk from the affected boob as totally worsen and takes like forever to have a let-down. I'm wondering when will it get back to normal as I need to resume my stock-keeping.

I'm hoping the fever doesn't return and that the lumps will be gone soon as I would hate to start taking antibiotics for it. Also, going to the doctors now when hubby is not around is really troublesome. But of course if it doesn't get better by tomorrow, I will have to go see a lactation doctor and would probably bring Haye Li and MIL with me.

This experience really questioned me whether I want to continue with breastfeeding or not as I've not experienced such pain before and fever too. But I need to persevere as I need to think of Haye Li's well-being more than anything - I will definitely remind her of this experience when she's old enough to understand.

Breastfeeding

This post is dedicated to both of my daughters. As much as I love you both so much, I need you two to know how much your mummy went through just to breastfeed the both of you! And it’s a good thing too that you two are females as you both will go through it one day too. :D

I have to admit that both my daughters are hopeless when it comes to breastfeeding them. Let’s start with Rye Li first.

Rye Li was immediately brought to me after she was cleaned up when I just delivered her. I was surprised as to how she knows how to latch on immediately and she managed to suckle one side for about 10 minutes before she was brought away.

I only got to attempt at breastfeeding her like 6 hours later after that and it was a struggle already as she prefers sleeping most of the time. The nurse and I had to find ways to wake her up, at times it worked but most times it didn’t. The two nights at the hospital saw me waking her up for feeds most of the time. And it was the same at home too.

Although Rye Li latches on well, my nipples were still sore and soon the engorgement came in and I suffered as this girl only drinks like 2-5 minutes before dozing off. No matter how much effort was made to wake her for more milk, this girl never awoke from slumber land. And this led to the beginning of my pumping journey. After every time she drinks off me, I need to continue with pumping or else I would suffer from the engorgement.

In the beginning, and for several months after that, every time she latched on, I would squeal in silence as it hurt a lot.

For the record, I never knew what it was like to have my breast emptied by a baby as Rye Li never drank more than 10 minutes of me throughout her 1 year breastfeeding journey. At least I’m glad she never treated me like a pacifier (probably due to the fact that she sucks her thumb from 4-5 months old till today).

Oh yes, I was telling everybody then how she treated me like a ‘straw’. Once she latched on, she would drink a little, then let go, and then drink again, and then let go as if she knew the ‘straw’ was there all the time at her convenience. This was why I never breastfed her in public! Also, you can imagine how messy it was when my breasts are full and she let’s go during her feeds. There were times I really wanted to smack her hard for her bad sucking habits (which I’m convinced it also led to her bad eating habits till today!) but since she was a little innocent baby then, I just couldn’t find myself to and suffered in silence!

Because Rye Li doesn’t finish her milk of me, we always brought out the expressed breast milk (EBM) out with us when we go out. And we have to work around my pumping schedule so it took forever for us to get ready to go out as not only we need to feed her before we leave, we have to get her stuff ready and I also have to pump. So our outings were not for very long too, the most 5 – 6 hours or so as I needed to come back home to pump again. Those days, I envied moms who conveniently pull up their bra just to feed their babies in public as they don’t need to bring out so many stuff with them or rush back to pump.

Rye Li also doesn’t like frozen EBM. I guess it was my fault that I didn’t train her early with it and mostly gave her fresh EBM. And I struggled keeping up with the supply as we can’t store fresh EBM for long compared to frozen ones. In the end, I threw away a lot of frozen EBM. I did use them to mix with fresh ones and also to make her cereals but there were a lot in the freezer and I couldn’t use all of them. From this experience, I vowed to train my next baby early on frozen EBM so that I won’t be so stressed out on keeping up with supply.

Now that Haye Li has come along, I was praying hard that her drinking habits are way better than her sister’s. This is somewhat true but still, I also find her hopeless like her sister!

At the delivery room, it took some time for Haye Li to latch on me. She was more keh poh chi (busybody) with her surroundings than to latch on. After coaxing her like several minutes or so, she finally latched on and I got her to suckle off both breasts too for like half hour before she was taken away from me.

When it was time to feed her again at the hospital, this girl didn’t really latch on properly and when I started to correct her, she got so furious and started screaming (she is way louder than her sister!). I guess it is my fault for not correcting her from the start so again, I suffered.

When we got home, my nipples were already sore and cracked and by the 3rd night home, both my nipples were bleeding. My first time as I didn’t get this from Rye Li. So I suffered that few days till it healed by itself and till today, my nipples are still sore. At least it is not cracked anymore.

Haye Li definitely drinks more than Rye Li and at least when she sleeps on them, she is still sucking. At the hospital, I was wondering whether she was actually drinking or treating my like a pacifier as I couldn’t hear the swallowing sounds from her. But now, I can so I know she is still drinking in her sleep until she will totally let it go herself. However, just like her sister, she also doesn’t finish off. Well, she could finish off one breast but when I put her on the other, she is already dead asleep.

So my pumping is more to empty the other breast and also so that I can start storing them up. I’m too lazy now to pump in the middle of the nights (second time breastfeeding doesn’t give you that painful engorgements) but I think I have to start soon as not only I need to keep up with supply, this girl is becoming like her sister in that she is drinking 5-10 minutes before dozing off and hence, she is waking up like every hour or every one and a half hour. After my confinement is over, I will start giving her EBM in the bottle through the nights so she will drink more and sleep longer. Only thing is that I will need to pump after giving her the EBM.

There have been several occasions where she has drank for half an hour and I was able to have her to drink off both breasts, something I didn’t achieve with Rye Li. But lately, she is drinking like 5 minutes and then let go and don’t want anymore. But when I put her down, she cries for milk. This girl is definitely more demanding than her sister.

This girl also has started treating me like a ‘straw’ and I’m wondering are all babies like this or just mine are like this? If mine are like this, I would think it’s from hubby’s genes as I knew I’m a very good eater when I was young while he was a fussy eater! :D

She doesn’t open her mouth big to latch on, just her pouty lips so she’s literally ‘sipping’ of my ‘straws’ and it also hurts each time she latches on and I will still squeal in silence. During Rye Li’s time, I usually went “ow, ow, ow” but now I don’t as Rye Li is mostly around me when I nurse Haye Li and I wouldn’t want her to think that Haye Li is hurting me.

Anyway, I’m praying that Haye Li gets better at drinking off me as I would hate to work around my pumping schedule over the weekends again.

Motherhood, you just have to love it don’t you?! But my stance is still clear, after going through what a woman should go through, I still want to be a boy in my next life! :D