Grandma has left us

Grandma has left us unexpectedly early Wednesday morning. We were all surprised as we didn’t think she would go so suddenly just like that. She was 76 years old.

Apparently, she collapsed on Tuesday afternoon and was already unconscious when my youngest cousin found her in the toilet. She never woke up and was in a comatose state since then. We got her to the hospital by an ambulance and after several checks and scans, it was found that there was a lot of bleeding at the back of her brains in which the doctors confirmed that it wasn’t caused by the fall but a rupture by one of her veins.

Due to several factors, which also include her age and the fact that she’s taking medication to thin her blood, the doctor doesn’t recommend immediate surgery to stop the bleeding. They added that she would not wake up from her comatose state and told us to expect that her time can be anytime from then on. It is also a matter of time when her lungs give way and the family has to make a decision to keep her on a ventilator or not.

I rushed to the hospital after work that evening and found her breathing quite heavily into the mask they had for her, with her chest heaving up and down aggressively. At first I thought she was on a ventilator but it was all her and I was amazed at such strength she had (you tend to see people so ‘dead’ when they are in a coma state on TV). It broke my heart to see her like that and not responding to me at all – at least during Grandpa’s time, even when he was suffering, he responded to us till the last moments of his life.

I left the hospital about 8-30pm that night saying my last goodbye to her, having to pick Rye Li up from the day care and I didn’t expect Grandma to leave us in 4 hours later as I thought she would wait for one of my uncles who is in Singapore. She passed away at 12-23am.

I am with mixed feelings of her sudden death. In a way, I’m glad she went peacefully and painlessly (I hope!) especially after seeing how Grandpa suffered the last 5 months of his life. And at the same time, I am really sad that she didn’t live long enough to see baby H. Apparently the week before, she asked my sister what to give baby H when she is born.

It’s also ironic that 3 weeks before Rye Li was born, my great grandmother, my grandma’s mom passed away. And I was calculating in 3 weeks time I will be 37 weeks in which Rye Li was born at 37 weeks. And now that Grandma has passed away 3 weeks before I turned 37 weeks with baby H, I can’t help but feel a little superstitious now. I’ve been telling people the next time I plan to have another baby, I would think twice already.

We had her funeral today, with her body cremated after the mass at church. This time we had her wake and mass at a different church to that of Grandpa’s due to unavailability at the previous church.

I only brought Rye Li to the wake yesterday and the funeral today as hubby only got back from India (a day earlier than scheduled) early yesterday morning. I am amaze at her understanding of the whole thing. She knows that “Mummy’s grandma” (as she calls my mom Grandma too and she knows the difference between mummy’s grandma and rye li’s grandma) has gone to heaven to join Dr. Foo (her paediatrician) and she can even reply with “I miss Dr. Foo and Mummy’s grandma”. I initially didn’t want her to see my Grandma’s body till the funeral but she insisted with “see only” and so we let her. She asked many times after that to see her and we let her too. She knows that Grandma is ‘sleeping’ in the coffin and that she cannot wake up already. She did ask many questions after that like “why mummy’s grandma sleeping in the coffin”, “why mummy’s grandma go to heaven already like Dr. Foo” and “why the people (my relatives) don’t want to go home (from the church as we left earlier than the rest)” and she can even tell the caretakers at the day care that she went to church to say bye to mummy’s grandma. When we picked her up from the day care just now, she asked whether are we going to the church again. She was well behaved throughout the mass and I wasn’t sure whether she talked or not as she sat several rows behind me with the maid. She only got upset when it was time to leave the church after the mass to the crematorium and she couldn’t follow me (hubby took her and the maid to the day care). Since I last missed Grandpa’s session at the crematorium, I didn’t want to miss Grandma’s this time.

I am also going to miss my Grandma big time like how I am still missing my Grandpa. Grandma passed away just over a year after my Grandpa did. It’s ironic that I was craving for her bubur cha cha (malay: a dessert dish) lately and now that she is gone, a lot of her recipes are too. This Christmas will be a huge void to all of us who are so used to celebrating Christmas at Grandma’s place with our grandparents. Already last Christmas was our first without Grandpa and we did feel a great sense of loss then. And now, we will feel a bigger lost. I’m not sure even whether we will be celebrating Christmas like how we have always been and it is a shame really as I was so looking forward to this Christmas with Baby H! And I’m not sure whether we will still have the house – it has been our family reunion venue for Christmas and Chinese New Year and other celebrations for over 25 years already!

Grandma, I miss you so much already but like I told you that night, if you have to go, we understand. We will always love you and will remember you. When baby H is born, I know you and Grandpa will be looking down on us smiling. You rest in peace now.

In memory of my grandparents - with Rye Li when she was about 4 months old.

8 months and counting!

Ok, a mental note to myself…to do Baby H’s birth story immediately if I ever plan to have baby no. 3.!

After the previous post, I’ve been scared of the inevitable. Even describing it then, scared me as I was reliving everything again and had to seek comfort from hubby. I really wanted to cry but like I said, whether I like it or not, Baby H has to come out one way or the other!

Saw my Obgyn today and I had loads of questions to ask. But firstly, I told him I want to scan that part again as I need to make sure Baby H is Baby H since we have only scanned there once. I told him that a lot of people have been asking me how sure am I that I’m getting another girl and this week itself, a few of my clients said my tummy’s shape looks like I’m carrying a boy. Told him, I already have a name for her and a blog for her too so she better be a girl! He said hopefully, she’ll show herself which she did and yep, it’s definitely a girl! So that’s settled.

I questioned him about my high blood pressure the last time while delivering Rye Li and he said it’s not a concern as some women tend to have high bp while delivering. If it was a concern, he would have raised this issue up earlier. He said of course I will be monitored for this throughout the labour but he don’t foresee that it will impose a danger to me or to baby H.

I asked him a lot on epidural and my fear on pain and said the epidural doctor came too late the last time and he suggested if Baby H doesn’t come out by the time I reach 38 weeks, I can chose a date to induce and have the epidural upfront and wait. But if I have labour pains before that then we will just have to see my luck again. He said usually, second time round, the baby tends to come out faster but he guarantees if it were the third one onwards, it would be very fast already. I was telling him, let’s focus on this second one first as we may not see a third!

I also asked about panthedine whether got any difference and he said it helps with 50% of the pain and of course, it’s much cheaper than epidural. He said if money is not a concern, then I should opt for epidural (RM1k plus vs RM40!). I told him money would be a concern but for me, my body and how I would take the pain at this point in time are more important. He did stress that I should relax and don’t think so much about delivering as I’m creating unnecessary fear which I also agree (I do worry too much!)

Thus, I’ve come to a conclusion that I will play by ear too like how I will play by ear on where I will deliver, either at the same place which is TDMC or Sunway Medical Centre (since Sunway is nearer to my house and office) but my Obgyn is the house doctor at TDMC. I don’t want to take the risk of having another doctor if I dilate too fast again this time, so if I’m not stuck in traffic by the time I go into labour, I will head to TDMC. If it’s too late again to take epidural, then I will just get the jab to ease 50% of the pain.

Oh, I’m adding on weight like nobody’s business again. Put on 2 kgs in 2 weeks which is not good as I should be putting on about half a kg a week. So hubby asked me whether half of it went to Baby H and I just gave him the stare! Men! I will worry about the excess weight after Baby H is out.

I’ve been getting faintish spells and fast heartbeats. Doc said that I’m not getting enough rest which is true as it is getting difficult to have a peaceful sleep lately and Rye Li is getting sick often too (flu) which she has passed to me several times. And work is crazy as usual which I’m trying to clear as much as I can before I pop. As for the heartbeats, doc said it’s normal in my condition.

I’m at the stage where I cannot wait to have Baby H out and at the same time, scared of the after birth events too like how am I going to deal with 2 kids then. Can I equally divide my attention and love for them? I know I’ve been reading other mummies’ blogs as well as listening to experienced moms and that they all managed to overcome this. You just grow and learn along with it and you will find that you love them all as much. I guess I will encounter the ‘culture shock’ initially and will just learn to deal with it.

Rye Li's Birth Story

Finally I'm done.....enjoy the details! If you're not into this kind of story, please don't read further, it's a darn long one.

------------------------------------------

I feel with another baby on the way, I better penned this down in case I ever forget about how I delivered Rye Li. Prior to this, a lot of ladies told me that I will forget the pain after I’ve given birth. Well, Rye Li is over 2 and a half years old and till today, I can remember vividly the details. I’m not sure after my second one, will I still remember this clearly though.

The day before Rye Li came out, I walked a whole lot although I was in pain in terms of my right leg! I was limping for over a month as I think my right leg just couldn’t handle my sudden increase in weight. It was a Friday and I took medical leave that day and went to see my Obgyn. I was only a day short to 37 weeks then and didn’t expect to see the girl for another 2 weeks or so.

My Obgyn also checked me “there” as I was complaining it has been hurting lately and he said it looked alright to him. He also added that Rye Li will be 6-7 pounds when she comes out (I’m guessing he was indicating this from my huge size).

After the checkup, we went to One Utama for a stroll and to get some stuff for our friend’s New Year eve’s party the next day. We spent nearly half the day there and by the time night came, I couldn’t really walk anymore with a limping leg.

After One Utama, we even went to get some DVDs, thinking that we could catch up with some movies over the long weekend then (till today, we haven’t seen all of the DVDs we got that night!).

That night, we went to bed as usual. About 2 plus in the morning or so, I got up as I felt some cramps (like menstrual cramps) and I went to pee. Came back to bed, and started doing the pelvic exercise to see whether the cramps will go away but of course it didn’t. So happened, hubby got up to pee as well and I told him that I was having some cramps. At the same time, I felt a discharge came out and I asked him to help me out of bed as I wanted to check on the discharge. As I got up from bed, a sudden gush of water came out and I quickly went to the toilet. Told hubby that I think my water bag broke and he asked how sure was I. Told him when I sat down on the toilet, another gush of water came out again and also I managed to pee. The water stain on my panty had some little trace of blood too except that I couldn’t tell what colour was the water as I was wearing a green colour panty then.

I started to panic and the first thing I said was “I’m not ready! My work!” – I had a lot of outstanding stuff then which I thought I would clear them in the next week or so since it’s 3 weeks away to my due date. Hubby knocked some sense into me and then I said “My hospital bag! It’s only half packed!” I only started packing it the week before during Christmas as I started having cramps then and it panicked me big time. Trying to calm myself down, I told him I’m going to shower and wash my hair while instructing him on what else to pack into my hospital bag.

By the time we’re ready with me putting a maternity pad on (I was leaking a little bit by bit after that), we headed to the hospital. It was about 3 plus in the morning when we arrived there and we checked in. They put me in a room and the nurse checked me there and said I was only 1cm dilated and my cervix was still hard. She also added that my baby would only come out in the evening. By this time I have yet to experience any contractions. She said that hubby can go home first to rest and come back later. I asked if I can go back (thinking that to wait till evening was such a long time more) and she said cannot as my water bag had broken and I couldn’t risk any infection. Anyway, hubby didn’t want to go home and said that he would sleep in the car downstairs first and to call him if anything. We brought a nail clipper along and I cut all my finger nails – something we were told to do from many people as we don’t want to risk hubby getting cut from me! :)

The nurse inserted some stuff up my bum to clear my bowels and then asked me to rest. About 4 plus in the morning, the contractions started and it was about every 5 minutes. Although it was bearable, I couldn’t sleep with the contractions. I was thinking how was I going to last till evening not getting any sleep at all. Anyway, about 6am, the contractions became more intense and I tried to stand it as long as I could. Towards 6-30am, I called for the nurse and told her that the contractions are getting more intense. She checked me there and said I’m only 2cm dilated and that my cervix was still hard. She gave me several options for the pain but I told her if I’m going to take the jab, I might as well take epidural (since I read that the jab only eases the pain a little). She said I can only take the epidural when I’m 3cm dilated. Told her I will think about it and let her know, thinking that I may be able to stand the pain. She added that my baby is still facing upwards and needs to turn around (towards my bum) so that I will dilate faster. And she left the room.

When she left, I spoke to Rye Li and said “please turn the other way” and the next thing I knew, a contraction came and it was so darn painful that I immediately call for the nurse again. At that time, I was also thinking that I won’t be able to bear the pain till evening and I told the nurse that I want epidural there and then. She asked me whether I was sure and whether I want to discuss with hubby (who was sleeping in the car then) and I said yes. She asked me to go clear my bowels again as she would transfer me to the delivery ward and that I had to wait for the epidural doctor who would be coming all the way from Ampang (I delivered at Taman Desa Medical Centre).

So I called hubby to come up while I went to clear my bowels again. When he came, it was about 7am already and we were transferred to the delivery ward. It was tough to walk with contractions. Every time a contraction came, I had to stop, suffered and then walk again.

I was put on a chair in the delivery room and was given a milo to drink. I felt like vomiting at the same time (probably due to the pain) and was given a plastic container as a standby. By this time, I was already doing the breathing exercise and hubby tried to do it with me. He was next to my face and I found this irritating and told him to stop. I was trying to fight with the contractions in that, every time a contraction came, I would hold my breath and go against it which the midwives told me later that I shouldn’t as it would be more painful. They asked me to relax as much as I could with the breathing exercise. Easy for them to say!

The next hour was hell while waiting for the darn epidural doctor to arrive and finally he came around 8am. This time I was asked again to clear my bowels before I go up to the ‘delivery bed’ as once the epidural is administered, I won’t be able to get out of the bed. It was extremely tough to walk to the toilet this time round and had to stop in between when the contractions came. Hubby had to assist me since I was limping.

It was tougher to get up on the ‘delivery bed’ with a limping leg and contractions. The midwives and hubby had to help me, literary carried me up. When I was finally settled down, the midwife checked me and said “You can’t have the epidural already as you’re 9cm dilated!”. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at this statement at that time. I dilated from 2cm to 9cm in 1 and a half hour! She added “You want me to help you, I can make it 10cm”. I didn’t care what she meant by help but I just nodded my head.

With all the pain that I was going through, I just couldn’t talk anymore but in my head I was cursing at everyone, the midwives, the epidural doctor, my Obgyn and hubby included. In the last 2 hours till Rye Li came out, I didn’t talk at all and my eyes were mostly shut tight then.

Anyway, I think the midwife put a whole fist in “there” and then I heard “Oh, you’re only 8 cm dilated and we have called Dr. Fan already (my Obgyn) and he’s on the way”. And then I was given the gas mask. Hubby tried talking to me to calm me down and told me to do the breathing exercise. Again I found this irritating and I told him “Don’t talk, just stand here!” :) My style is like this, when I’m suffering in pain, don’t tell me what to do, just be there physically. I know he felt helpless then but at that time I was more concern whether I was going to die or not from the pain then those around me.

The midwife inserted the drip inserter thingy into my left hand (or was it the right?!) – mind you, before this, I was terrified about this part as I hate needles. But interestingly, the pain coming from this was nothing compared to the labour pains so I didn’t really recall the pain from this.

My Obgyn came at around 8-30am and I was still only 8cm dilated! He said if Rye Li doesn’t come out by 9-30am, he will do a vacuum and left the room.

I did find some pain relief with the gas mask and I think I inhaled too much and when the midwife realized this, she told me not to inhale too much as I could be high from it. Too late, I was already ‘high’ then and whatever happened after that was as if my soul came out from my body and I was looking at everything like I was watching a movie. The scenes somehow repeated themselves again but what was very real was the pain itself when the contractions came. I was just going with the flow and when the pain came, I actually screamed! I screamed so loud that I was told off by the midwife. She told me when the contractions came, I am to clench my teeth and just breathe through it. She also threatened me that if I were to continue screaming, she will get hubby out of the room. This worked as I dutifully listened to her while cursing her in my head!

The gas also made me very emotional. I felt so cheated there and then. Firstly I was told that my baby would be out in the evening and there was no way I could stand the pain till evening. Then while waiting for an hour for the epidural doctor to arrive, I was told that I could not have it and had to wait for my Obgyn. And when my Obgyn came, he said to wait again for another hour. And then to be threatened by the midwife too. I couldn’t help myself that in between the contractions when it wasn’t painful, I cried like a baby! When the contractions came, I faced up and dealt with the pain, grunting silently. When it went away, I turned left and put my face into hubby’s tummy and cried like a baby!

There was another lady in the next room having her baby at the same time and she was screaming. We could hear her hubby was encouraging her on to push. We all heard it and it frightened me further so I wailed into hubby’s tummy again before the next contraction came. This went on for nearly an hour and next thing I knew, the midwife asked me whether I had the urge to push. To tell you the truth, I was aware that you cannot push until you’re fully dilated but at that time, I really didn’t care whether I was fully dilated or not. So when the midwife asked me, I just nodded my head and I think (my eyes were shut) she checked me there and said that she could see Rye Li’s head already and that she will be calling Dr. Fan now. And I heard hubby saying “I can see baby’s hair!”. Hubby was holding my left hand all this while. During the whole ordeal, I heard the midwife asked him why wasn’t he encouraging me on and he said that I asked him not to.

The midwives prepared me for the delivery and I couldn’t feel hubby’s hand anymore. They strapped my legs to the sides of the bed and while they were doing this, I heard hubby saying ‘Syn, I’m here!” which I was glad he said that so that I know he was still there. Then they made my right hand hold on to the hand bar and wanted my left hand to do the same but hubby said that he will hold on to it. The midwife also asked him was he sure about this and he said it was alright. He later told me that the pain he felt from my nails (even after I cut them off) was nothing compared to what he was seeing me going through. He also told me later that at that time, he didn’t care anymore about the baby as he was so worried seeing me in that condition. All I know was during the whole ordeal I was talking/cussing in my head – I read a pregnancy book “A girlfriend’s guide to pregnancy, what your doctor will not tell you” (or something like that) and one of the things it mentioned was that during delivery, there is no way you can say that you do not want to have the baby anymore. So this was practically going through my head that whether I like it or not, my baby is coming out! Thus, I was thinking in my head that I do not want to have any babies anymore after this! Haha – look where I am now! ;)

When my Obgyn arrived, I was all ready to push and when he gave the green light, I pushed all the way! I didn’t even know that he actually cut me. Mind you again, I was also terrified about this cut thingy but in reality, when you’re going through labour pains, whatever needle or knife that goes through your body is nothing at all!

I only gave one hard push and was waiting for the instructions to push again but instead I heard “you see what is in front of you?!” and I opened my eyes. Rye Li was actually on top of my chest but because she was so light, 2.3kgs/5 pounds, I couldn’t even feel her. The darn midwife opened her legs right in front of my face and asked me what it was! I couldn’t even tell as her vagina wasn’t looking like the vaginas I know, it was protruding out (probably it wasn’t fully formed yet) and she answered for me “it’s a girl yea” and I just nodded my head. She then asked me to kiss her which I did with tears in my eyes and they took her away for cleaning up.

Rye Li came out at 9-28am on 31st December 2005. Actually the clock in the delivery room, the longhand was showing somewhere in between 5-6 so hubby decided that it was 9-28.

It was such a relief that she was out but when my Obgyn took out my placenta, it was another round of minor pain too but nothing much compared to the pain before that. He asked me whether I want to see my placenta and I said “No thank you or else you will never see me again!”. He did his stuff and sewed me up. While sewing me up, he was describing to me the kind of stitches he was giving me which will end up looking like just one knot if you were to look at it. And the whole time he was saying that, I was thinking to myself as if I would take a mirror and look there which he told me I could. No thank you! In fact I didn’t touch myself there for more than a month after that! I only touched up to my anus for cleaning and the rest was water while I dabbed with toilet paper after that. See how traumatized I was!

In short, I had a total of 7 hours labour which breaks down to 5 hours of contractions with less than 3 hours of real pain :-

1) 2-30am – water bag broke
2) 3-30am – admitted to hospital, only 1 cm dilated
3) 4-30am – contractions started, mild and bearable
4) 6-30am – intense contractions, getting unbearable, only 2 cm dilated
5) 7am - 8am – in deep pain but couldn’t take epidural as 8 cm dilated by 8am
6) 8am - 9-28am – was in hell waiting to be fully dilated
7) 9-28am – finally baby is out!

Now we shall see how Baby H’s birth would be like…wish me luck!

31 weeks, among other things

31 weeks and I feel I’m ready to give birth already. Of course it’s still too early but the way Baby H has been moving, I kind of half wish she will be out earlier than expected. Seriously, I cannot remember feeling this much of discomfort with Rye Li at such an early stage. I really loved Rye Li’s movements in my tummy as she was gentle, hardly any ‘shocks’, only towards the end. I’m just regretting on what I’ve said earlier on how much I miss the baby movements in my tummy when I found out I was pregnant months back!

The way Baby H moves, I’m very worried that she will be a big baby. I had my check-up on Saturday and my Obgyn said that it’s normal for our tummies to be extra sensitive to Baby’s movements second time onwards. Funny though, I would have thought it should be the other way round since our tummies were stretched the first time and hence, should be less sensitive. Go figure!

Anyway, yours truly has so far put on 12kgs….nice. Stay like this and I should not put on as much as I did before with Rye Li. But still, my bum looks really big and so do my arms. Of course, the tummy too coz I really feel Baby H is big! I still have another 9 weeks or so to go and the way I’ve been eating…tsk tsk tsk!

I’ve bought some baby stuff over the long weekend and I should start doing her laundry in the weeks to come. I only need to clear out Rye Li’s clothes to her new drawers we got her to make space for Baby H’s stuff. My maid is pretty free at times (my condo isn’t that big) and even asked me whether she can start washing Baby H’s stuff 2 weeks back but I said I need to get some baby’s detergent first.

Anyway, my maid should have more work to do soon since she will need to help out more at the day care (the maid there is leaving) in terms of housework and also I would want her to cook for us over weekends once whoever (either hubby/me/Aunty Ng/in-laws) teaches her. A lot of people have been telling me that I’m under utilizing my maid. I’m also slowly letting her handle Rye Li wherever she can like when the girl wants to pee (we still have to keep an eye on her when she goes to her potty although she managed to pee on her own without informing us many times but someone just got to make sure she washes her hand!) or play with her (this is because Rye Li asked for it at times and I let them be, if the maid has done her work) but overall, the girl still prefers me. I will next let her start to pack Rye Li’s stuff for the day care and also when we go out (like preparing her milk powder, bottle and hot water) – I didn’t teach her this initially as I don’t trust her from a hygienic point of view. She still needs to gain my trust in terms of this area (I caught her with several bad habits like picking her teeth with the same toothpick kept in her room and picking at her hair – squatting and face down with fingers picking at her as if she’s got hair lice which I know she doesn’t as all of us would have gotten it by now). This is also one of the reasons why I have not gotten her to cook for us yet. I have loads more to say about the maid but since my time is precious on blogging, I’d rather not waste my time on her – she is overall alright but at times can get on my nerves. J

Back to my pregnancy, my checkups are now every 2 weeks and I have yet to talk to my Obgyn about the delivery plans. I have loads of questions to ask especially about my apparent high blood pressure when I was delivering Rye Li. I only knew this 6 weeks after I’ve delivered Rye Li. Interestingly, during her pregnancy and after she came out, I don’t have any problems with my blood pressure. Even now, during this pregnancy, I also don’t have any problems which I’m jumping to conclusion that my blood pressure could have shot up then due to the pain I was going through or rather, the fear of the pain that I was going through then. This reminds me that I need to finish my birth story with Rye Li – it is kinda funny now thinking back although I know it won’t be funny going through the pain again this time!

Anyway, my Obgyn told me then that if I were to have a high BP second time round delivering means I would need to take caution should I go for my third child. I need to remind him this again in my next visit as I feel if it was really due to my fear of pain, I will tell him in advance this time that by hook or crook, I want the darn epidural! I didn’t get this the first time round as I dilated too fast! I know I can save heaps of money not using the epidural and the fact that if I could last the pain first time round means I can last the pain second time round too but heck, it’s my body and I do whatever pleases me. Too bad there are only 2 ways to get a baby out of you and both ways also scare the jeepers out of me. Sigh!

Funny eh, you would think an experienced mom would think lesser of delivering the baby second time round but not me man! I remember having so many weird dreams in my first trimester about giving birth and I always wake up thinking “That’s it, I know I want epidural upfront this time!” …I am paranoid about the pain. When I tell people about my fear, some asked me to opt of C-sect instead since it’s faster and less hassle. I’m scared of surgery la…and I don’t think I can be awake knowing I’m being cut up and I want to be awake when my baby comes out to this world. Only 2 things now will make me go for a C-sect and that is if she’s breached and the other is if she’s really huge like over 3.5kgs kind of huge! Let’s pray she’s not huge and not breached. :)

Time passes by real fast when you're busy

Time passes by so fast and as much as I want to blog my updates as well as for Rye Li’s, I also don’t have the luxury for this anymore. Work has been busy, no time even for facebook. ;) And time is ticking really quick, I’m about 30 weeks now and another 10 weeks to go, maybe lesser, maybe more. I’m going to briefly summarize what went by in the last several weeks :-

- the day I turned 28 weeks (beginning of my 3rd trimester) nearly 2 weeks ago, baby H (yes, she is now known as baby H) had hiccups for the first time. She’s kinda slow in this compared to Rye Li’s, Rye Li was hiccupping in the 2nd trimester all the way to the end and at times as many as 3 – 4 times a day.

- in my last visit to my Obgyn earlier this month, I’ve put on in total 10kgs so far. Also, I had my ATT (anti tetanus something) jab, which is for the baby and it was darn painful but I had to pretend that it wasn’t painful as Rye Li was watching me the whole time. I had to tell her while in pain that I’m not scared of jabs and that I’m not crying – something she does when she gets jabs. My next visit will be next Saturday and thereafter, it will be every 2 weeks and soon it will be every week till Baby H comes out.

- I still feel good being in my third trimester, at times I feel I have so much energy and that I don’t feel pregnant at all; even skipping and running around. I will get comments from my colleagues reminding me I’m pregnant. I got a feeling that this energy will run out soon.

- taking advantage of this energy, we went up Cameron highlands 2 weeks back for the weekend, only we encountered some bad luck there. Firstly, the maid and the girl had a cold and cough. The maid’s first time ever in a cold place and Rye Li was already sniffling at the daycare when I picked her up. Secondly, Hubby’s car broke down on our third day there and also the electricity in my dad’s apartment was out due to a fuse on the same day. Hubby decided to follow our friend back to KL that day to bring up my car and also the spare part for his car the next day. But I made sure our electricity was up and running before they left. We had to call TNB to come and fix the fuse box and it was a Sunday too. Luckily they did if not, we all have to squeeze into our friend’s car back to KL.

So that night, the girl, the maid and I were left on our own in my dad’s apartment in our last night at Cameron’s. Hubby was worried the whole night thinking all these could be a sign of bad omen for us to leave together. So, he couldn’t sleep well that night when he was in KL. My family was also worried about us and didn’t like the idea of me driving back to KL while hubby will drive his car back the next day. I guess I don’t blame them, I mean a 7 months pregnant woman with a sick child and a sick maid stranded in Cameron’s. But my consolation was that if any emergency were to occur, I got my uncle nearby to call out to. Anyway, all turned out well and we had to wait for hubby’s car to get fixed the next day before leaving for KL late evening the next day. My first time driving back from Cameron’s to KL. I was just dead tired after that, having to go back to work immediately. This would be my last holiday (and we didn’t even do anything in Camerons!) before Baby H comes out.

- Rye Li has been tremendously emotional and demanding lately. Probably part of terrible two’s as well as the fact that Baby H is coming. With hubby travelling a lot for work lately, I’m getting the brunt of this phase she is going through. I guess it is due to the fact that hubby plays a lot with her when he is around that when he is away for work, she really misses him like mad. I can’t exactly tell hubby not to play with her right so I just have to deal with her whines and cries of “I miss my papa” and it does get on my nerves as she can say this a million times in a day as if it is my fault that her papa is not around.

The worst was last weekend where she cried and cried when hubby left. I’m not sure whether she was seeking attention after that or was it for real but she complaint her ‘hoo-haa’ (we call it pot-pot) was painful and the way she acted with real tears and screams while holding on to down there also panicked me big time. Anyway, she didn’t show any symptoms of urinary tract infection nor had there been any rashes in that area but because she acted like this 3 times after that till night time, I was thinking perhaps she may had urinary tract infection. Other than the non-symptoms, why I had my doubts was when I got desperate while she was screaming and crying in pain, I told her that I’m going to take her to the hospital there and then to get her checked out and she replied “so dark outside”. So I really psyched her by cleaning that area with wet cotton balls and applied heaps of nappy rash cream and told her that if it is still painful when she pees, we’re going to see her doctor the next morning. Later on, she had the cheek to tell me that it is not painful when she peed in her diaper. And the same for the next morning too. And till now, she will tell me that her “pot-pot not pain ady (already)”.

Hubby was away for 5 nights and this girl got clingy to me. I’m grateful that the maid is around to do the house stuff while I get the time to be with the girl. But she wants me to sit with her while she watches tv too. She will not let me go and have my shower while she watches tv and when I asked her why, she replied “because I (am) alone”. So my daily weekly routine when hubby is away is:

Once we get home after picking her up from the day care, I’ll switch on her cartoon channel while I grab something to eat and will sit with her throughout. Once she’s done with her Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Art Time, she will switch off the tv and I’ll shower her and get her ready for bed. When she’s done, I will turn on her Barney DVD in my room and she will watch it there while I have my shower. Once I’m done and she’s done with her show, we will call hubby to talk and say good night; depending on her mood, she will be responsive to her papa, if not she will be whiny and sad or she will just ignore her papa as she will be tired already. After that, if she’s not tired, we will either read a book or will sing some songs and then it is slumberland. If I’m lucky, she’s asleep by 10pm, if I’m not, perhaps by 10-30pm or later. She gets up anywhere in between 7-8am daily. And yes, she still gets up for milk at times, perhaps 2-3 times in a week. I don’t mind this as she is still petite (only 11.5kgs) and also I’ll be hit with a newborn soon.

- I’m not prepared for Baby H’s arrival yet and I will only start shopping for some stuff next weekend since it’s a long weekend and also I want to use up some vouchers, which I’ve saved for her. The following weeks after that, I will need to wash all the baby clothes and stuff. So many things I need to do and so little time. I’m wondering when should I pack my hospital bag since I only got to this at 36 weeks with Rye Li and that also was half-packed when she came out a week later at 37 weeks. So learning from this, I will do this also in the next few weeks in case Baby H also comes out early.

And I’ve no idea what to get as a present for Rye Li from Baby H. Hubby wants to get her a bicycle but how in the earth am I going to wrap that and bring along with me to the hospital?!!! I need something smaller and definitely something she will like and want to play with.

I also have no idea what to do with the maid and Rye Li when I go into labour – I’m praying that Baby H comes out day time so I don’t have to be worried about the girl. She still needs me at nights and if I’m giving birth in the middle of the night, I need hubby to be around. I won’t get him to stay with me this time at the hospital at nights as I want him to be with Rye Li.

So many things to think about and I also pray that hubby is around when I go into labour so a message to Baby H; please come out anytime from 38 – 40 weeks ok and during day time too! And oh yea, don’t cause so much pain and come out real fast! I promise you that you will get a nice present after that! :D

About my big tummy again

I never had this thought with Rye Li and I'm not sure why I'm being so obsessed with my tummy now (other than the weight).

Lately, since Baby 2 is moving so aggressively, I like to lift my shirt up and bare my tummy to see if I can catch the movements or not. This is usually done at nights after my shower. I will leave it like that for some time and seriously, I feel nice and comfy baring and airing my tummy like that.

With the hot weather lately, it feels even more comforting to do that and now I'm wondering is this how all the Ah Pek chinaman (Chinese old men) feels like after a heavy meal whereby they will lift their shirt up to bare their big tummies?! I know you still can see this sight at some kopitiams here, okay, maybe in old towns and definitely in some homes now. But the last I saw this sight was in Penang town years back!

I must get hubby to do this with me and see if he feels the same. ;)

60 days maternity leave is NOT a holiday!

While I was pregnant with Rye Li, I used to get comments that my 2 months (not even 2 months, it’s 60 days!) maternity is like a holiday for me whereby I will get to rest and most importantly, I’m away from office and don’t have to work that 2 months. At that time, I didn’t really gave two hoots about those comments as I didn’t know what to expect being it my first time.

However, after I came back from my maternity leave then and still had those comments coming my way, I really gave that person my 2 cents worth, okay, maybe more than 2 cents! Along the way, when I still hear this kind of comments, I will voice out my disagreement.

Now that I’m pregnant the second time and still get this kind of comments, I will get so worked up and that person will also get a piece of my mind on this statement.

So, I’m repeating this….60 days maternity leave is NOT a holiday at all!!!!

And the following are the reasons why:-

1) After tremendous stress and pain of having a baby coming out of you, you’re immediately thrown into the lion’s cage. Okay, not exactly that bad (perhaps worst) but you’re faced with a crying and demanding baby that totally disrupt what you considered a normal like before baby came along.

2) You definitely don’t get enough sleep anymore – those back at the office that still have to work 9-6pm get more sleep that you do in that 60 days!


3) The one month (some will have 40 – 44 days) confinement feels like you’re serving time in a prison as you’re not allowed to get out of the house (although I cheated a few times, I still felt like a prisoner!)

4) I’m suppose to be resting and sleeping most of the time but tell me this, how can I when my breasts get engorged every 2-3 hours or so, have a crying baby that needs to be fed or diapers changed every 2-3 hours or so, have to express my milk after my baby gets direct feeding (as she doesn’t drink much and also I need to make sure the flow gets going for more milk later), have my MIL to remind me that I need to eat my breakfast/lunch/dinner when I finally get to catch up with my 40 winks, and also I still receive calls from office now and then (very minimal though). [I didn’t have a Confinement Lady with Rye Li and although my MIL was helping me, I looked after the girl at nights with some help from hubby when he wasn’t traveling].


5) Due to the lack of sleep and rest, and the after effects of childbirth, your body does not feel the same anymore. In fact, you do get the aches and pains especially in the first week. If you’re lucky, it will go away fast but if you’re unlucky, it will remain for some time. I was unfortunate to have my right leg affected by the huge amount of weight that I put on during my pregnancy with Rye Li and hence, I still suffered for nearly a month after she came out. Even my urut (malay: massage) lady was surprise by this as it was a nerve thingy and not a bone. Whenever she massaged that area, on reflex, my leg will come up and I will be in pain. I’m praying that I don’t get this again this time.

6) During the confinement month, there are a lot of taboos that you need to follow. For me, although my MIL wasn’t strict (and even if she is, knowing me, I won’t be so bothered), I still need to follow certain things accordingly. Of course, I didn’t stand long enough till 30 days to wash my hair. In fact after 8 days of not washing my hair, I had enough and told my MIL that I really have to wash my hair. She wanted me to wait till 12 days but I told her I cannot stand the dirt and itch anymore and she was nice enough to boil the herbs for me to wash my hair with.

Being it my first time, I wished that I washed my hair normally behind her back! That wash and bath was the hottest I ever had in my life! I was sweating profusely throughout the wash and also way after that. I didn’t really feel that cleaned after that although I did wash my hair. After this, I washed my hair weekly with the same routine (I cheated once normally when Rye Li was admitted to the hospital for high fever at 20 days old and I stayed with her there for 2 nights). So all in all, I washed my hair 5 times during that 30 days! But I did shower everyday – mostly without my MIL knowing but she did catch me a few times and told my hubby that I shouldn’t be touching water at all (yea right!).

7) With no intentions to disrespect my in-laws, that 1 month or so was the longest time I have ever stayed with them. Thankfully, the confinement was done in my house so at least I’m familiar with my surroundings. However, it also took me a while to adjust having them over in that 1 month. Before that, they have stayed over at my place whenever they came down from Penang but the most for over a week. I’m grateful and thankful that I had my MIL to look after me during the confinement period. However, with a new baby and a new routine, I have to admit that I did feel like a stranger in my house that month. There were times I wished that I was back home in my own family house – it was also a time where I missed my mom so badly! :) …my mom did come over now and then and I always resisted to shout out to her whether she could stay with me!


Alright, I’ll admit that I did get some relaxation of some sorts before I went back to office because I made myself to. Rye Li went to the day care at 1 and a half months so I also took the opportunity in that 10 days or so to do some errands like opening a bank account for her (she had some ang pow money for her full moon and also CNY after that). I also went for a spa as my body needed some relaxation so badly. But I can tell you, while doing my errands, it wasn’t like I had the whole day to myself. I had to work around my pumping schedule so that the girl gets enough milk as well as I didn’t suffer from the engorgement. Also, I had to do some light housework and made sure all this were done before I had to pick the girl up again from the day care and I remember that I mostly had her to myself as hubby was already traveling for work every week.

Now, with the second maternity leave coming up, one would think that it would be a breeze for me. Nope, I doubt so as I also have a toddler to deal with other than a baby and I’m not looking forward to a demanding toddler and a baby at the same time for my attention while my body is going through so many changes. Wish me luck!

60 days is definitely not enough to recuperate and whoever recommended the 60 days maternity leave here sucks big time. There were plans to have this move up to 90 days 2 years back but it never materialized. I feel even at 90 days, it is not enough but heck, anything more than 60 days is definitely welcome anytime.

So, ladies and gentlemen, if you ever come across my path, please do not mention that I got 2 months holiday soon or ever for that matter! With loads of hormones gushing through my body now, you better make the effort to make me laugh rather than to make me mad. ;)

Having a big tummy

Having a big tummy means I need to be extra careful as I'm not used to having a tummy that sticks way out from my body. Poor baby 2 (or is it me?!) because I've accidentally bumped my tummy into places now and then. I can't help it as I'm not use to my tummy being so big! But the little accidents so far wasn't painful - nonetheless I have to keep reminding myself that I can't squeeze into narrow spaces anymore!

Even with Rye Li, I did knock my tummy here and there but the worst was when I accidentally slammed the toilet door on my tummy. This was when I was about 6 months as well and boy, did it hurt like hell! I was so worried for Rye Li then but when I read up in books and the net, they said that I'm more likely to feel the pain that the baby since they're confined and protected in the waterbag.

I'm trying to be very careful now but I still forget at times. I even asked hubby how he manages with a big tummy (he has one since the day I met him, maybe bigger now!) and he just add that he's not as clumsy as me! :p ....I guess he's just used to having one.

Pregnancy Updates

I’m nearly 6 & a half months and I feel my tummy is big! Definitely bigger compared to Rye Li’s time and I’m wondering whether it is just fat or Baby 2 is big. I sure hope it’s the fat as the thought of having a big baby scares me – all Rye Li’s fault as she came out so small at 2.3kgs/5 pounds! Hehe, ok, maybe it was my fault but heck, I put on 21 kgs then la…so why was Rye Li so small?!

I’m trying to get Rye Li’s birth story up in case I will forget hers when Baby 2 comes. I still remember so clearly everything of Rye Li’s birth (and they say you do tend to forget the pain and all but not with me yet…perhaps after having another baby). I have started it in draft but I’m not even halfway of it…hope to have this up soon.

Baby 2 is pretty aggressive in my tummy, making her cher-cher (Chinese: elder sister) seemed so gentle as Rye Li’s movements then only became uncomfortable towards the end of the last trimester. Now I’m wondering does this mean Baby 2 will be more aggressive than her cher-cher too?! In Rye Li’ s second trimester, she mostly gave me gentle kicks but Baby 2 gives me more than just kicks! She really wiggles in there and not only is it ticklish but it can be painful at times, more like an electronic bolt. I’m wondering what it would be like when I hit my third trimester.

My appetite is way too good now. I can eat pretty much anything unlike the first 4 months which is kind off bad in a way as I feel I’m also putting on weight fast. My next checkup is next Saturday and I’m also curious…hehe. I just hope I didn’t put on as much as I did the last visit. I put on a whole lot during my second trimester with Rye Li too.

I’m craving for durians (which I totally dislike during the first trimester) but have to resist not so much for the pregnancy but because of Rye Li. She’s still coughing and she loves durian too so we can’t buy any home just yet. I was tempted to go eat with hubby over the weekend outside but we had too many plans to do just that, looks like I have to wait till the girl gets better.

Sleeping patterns are weird, I am tired but I can’t seem to sleep much. It takes me awhile to sleep and when I do, I need to get up and pee and hence, it takes me awhile to fall asleep again. And my dreams are getting weird as usual, can be about anything and everything. It is interesting that it mostly relates to my thoughts that I had during the day – I had a few weird dreams about my maid too!

As for nesting syndrome, haven’t exactly prepared ourselves for Baby 2’s arrival just as yet. We only just got some drawers and bookshelves for Rye Li’s room as I need to make way for her old plastic drawers for Baby 2’s clothes. Will start to do the washing of her clothes and the rest (preparation for her baby cot) when I reach 8 months. I just realized by having kids, the items you have in the house just grow along with them. I can’t believe the amount of clothes, books, toys and furniture that I’ve accumulated by just having Rye Li. And here I thought all this while that I would like my home to be as plain as possible so that housework would be a breeze. Unfortunately, this is not the case as I have full of obstacles (okay, some are our stuff too) around the house.

What have I gotten myself into! :)