My thoughts and my stories

A reminder

2010-05-13T07:55:00.001-07:00

As you can tell, this blog is pretty much dead. The time I get to blog is really limited and my time is mainly to focus on the updates of my girls and I do update their blogs whenever I can.

Anyhow, I just wanted to blog about what happened today.

In my line of work, I do meet up with my customers at least 50% of my time at work, at times more. And the people I deal with under my portfolio ranges from all sorts level, to the end-users of the services my company provides to the middle management as well.

And the interesting thing that can happen when I do meet with these people is when our conversations can digress to a personal level. Perhaps it has to do with my personality in that I am a friendly person and one of my strengths (and I admit at times can be a weakness too) is that when you do talk to me, I’ll somehow give you this vibe that I can be trusted. I have turned some very difficult clients into friendly ones in that they will become my friend instead (I’ve been invited to their personal events, etc which is why I dare say this!)

Don’t get me wrong, they will still give me a hard time if we fail to meet up to their expectations but after them throwing their frustrations to me and all, they will soften up and say that it’s nothing personal and it’s work. And I have totally accepted this as part of my working life.

Anyway, today, I met up with this just retired man whom I have met several times before but never gotten into a those discussions that touched our personal lives. After we discussed what needs to be discussed about work, I asked him some questions about the industry his company is in and somehow, we ended up talking about our personal lives.

In that conversation, I learnt that his only son and the youngest out of his 3 children passed away at the age of 10 about 5 years back. He didn’t want to tell me what his son died of but he mentioned that his son needed treatment towards the end of his life. His son was born healthy and achieved many things in his short span of his life that I ever did when I was 10. He was a Grade 5 piano player and a red belt tae kwon do player too. So when his son fell ill at around 9 years old, it was a huge shock to him and his family.

He had an advice for me as a mother with two young kids other than the fact that to always monitor closely whenever the kids have fever (as this was how it started with his son), is that to never ever take those close to you for granted. He said that after his son passed away, he realizes that it happens to everyone around you and it is a very common thing. We spent so much time at work or doing the things that you want that you tend to neglect the people right in front of your own eyes.

This advice is nothing new to me. We are all aware of this in one way or another but somehow, it gets forgotten especially when we are so busy trying to live our lives. It is when you lose someone or when you come across someone who has grieved so much that you are once again reminded of how you should be treating your loved ones.

My colleague whom I’ve known for 10 years, lost her husband last Monday at the age of 44 to a heart attack. They have 2 young kids at the age of 14 and 10. I was so disturbed by the fact that I could not sleep one of the nights and I cannot imagine how she is feeling. And because of this, I’m also once again reminded of how precious life can be and we should not be worrying ourselves to death about the things that we cannot control but on what we can actually do about it.

Life is short – do what you want out of your life but do not forget your loved ones and also yourself!

Boobs can be trained!

2009-12-04T06:07:00.000-08:00

They really can be trained! LOL.

Since mid October, I have stopped pumping at work because :-

a) Haye Li is 1 year old already (she was approaching 1 then and I still had some supply left in the freezer which lasted for a few weeks after that)
b) My supply is decreasing big time
c) It takes too long to pump to get the quantity I want
d) I think I have achieved a whole lot pumping for a year! The fact that I lasted a year; something I thought I couldn’t pull through initially. So this is a huge achievement for me. *a big pat on my shoulders!*

I’m still breastfeeding the girl but only at nights, through the nights, mornings and weekends. I don’t know for how long more will I be doing this and I think I would let it just be, as long as the girl wants.

Back to the story…..the first two days of not pumping at work was kind of a discomfort for me. By 3-4pm, my boobs were really engorged. I had to just deal with the discomfort. The first day itself, when I was driving home that evening – I was getting desperate on how can I ease the discomfort. And all I could think of was Haye Li. So the second I entered the house, I asked for Haye Li and when I saw her, I went “Mummy is so happy to see you, you want nen-nen?” and she nodded her head yes. So I happily gave it to her but she only drank like halfway of one side and didn’t want anymore so I was still at a discomfort on the other side till it was her bedtime.

On the second day, same thing but it wasn’t as bad as the day before. By the third day, it was bearable and the rest of the week till now is a breeze. :D

But I have to admit, since then, my supply has decreased big time and I don’t get engorgements anymore. I also need to give Haye Li some formula in between weekends now when I feel that I do not have enough for her but she doesn’t drink much of formula when I’m around.

So this is the end of my pumping sessions – I am so happy! But there were 2 occasions I had to pump as I had a business dinner with a client and another time, Haye Li was really ill and didn’t drink much so I had to pump some milk out. But still, I am so happy that I don't have to pump anymore at work. :D

*I've got some more posts I want to update like my one and only time of expressing milk overseas and also the time I was so ill that I could not breastfeed as I was on strong medications. When I have the time...till then, stay tuned! :)

My experience with snatch thieves

2009-09-09T22:29:00.000-07:00

This is my first time ever getting my handbag snatched from me and I want to share my experience with all. Now, on hindsight (although I’m still in shock), there are some key takeaways I have learnt from this.

Yesterday evening, I went into the day-care’s compound like any other normal day to pick my girls up. I was alone at that time in the compound. As I opened my car door to get down, I heard a motorbike but did not think anything of it as one of the parents do come in a motorbike to pick his girl up. As I got down, I realised my front passenger door was opened and when I looked, I saw a guy in a helmet grabbed my handbag and started running towards the gate. That few seconds I was totally stunned and then I realised I became a victim of a snatch thief.

Without thinking properly, I ran after him and shouted. When I got out of the gate, there was another guy on the motorbike further down waiting. And while I was shouting at them, the guy that took my bag got on the bike (they did turn back to look at me and even smiled!) and sped away.In all that anxiety, I managed to remember the motorbike number plate, BJK 3242.

As I am writing this, I am so grateful that both the bikers are not armed and also they did not attack me. I am also grateful on the fact that no one from the day-care saw this especially the kids. I’m even more grateful that I was alone and that my girls were not with me. But I am mentally and emotionally scarred (I could not sleep peacefully at all last night and even my toddler could not sleep well because she could sense the fear in me although she did not witness the incident).

Just to add that in the last 3.5 years that I have been in and out of the day-care, I have always left my car running with whatever belongings left in the car in the day-care’s compound. I have taken this act for granted.

Key lessons learnt:

a) Sending and picking kids up, whether it’s at the day-care, school, extra classes, etc, we are easy targets for the snatch thieves as this is the time where we’re focused on the kids rather than our surroundings. DO NOT think that when you’re in the school’s or day care’s compound, you will be safe. These thieves are getting bolder by the day!

b) Same goes for handling kids at car park areas, please be extra alert!

c) Always look around you when you’re getting down from the car and the same goes for when you’re entering the car.

d) Please psycho yourself never ever to go chasing after the thieves. Seriously, I do not know what I was thinking when I chased after them on foot. It was on impulse and at that time, I was really angry and shocked. On hindsight now, this was a foolish thing to do. I am so grateful that they did not retaliate. It is okay to lose your belongings BUT not your LIFE!

Please be safe and alert always!

My de@rest mummy

2009-05-07T23:17:00.000-07:00

It’s an interesting point to note that I’ve encountered a few of my friends asking me whether my mom is still alive. The first time I was asked this question, I was surprised (not offended) but after my friend explained it herself, I never really gave it much thought. This was during college time.

I think there was also a time in Uni that I was asked this question again. I also didn’t really give much thought in to this.

Several years ago in my current company, my colleague again asked me the same question. And just like the previous times, I was informed why she thinks that way. She said that in my conversations about my family, my father was always mentioned and not my mother. So in time, she got curious and had to ask if my mom is still around.

Yes, my mom is around, very much alive and kicking. In fact, she’s enjoying life to the max now with her Macbook & Oprah Winfrey shows.

And from the above, you can pretty much sum up that my life has been mostly influenced by my dad.

Lately, I have been thinking about this again and no doubt that my dad has always been the dominant one in my family, my mom also pretty much contributed for what I am today.

My mom is a cool cat. She’s not as dramatic as how my dad can be with his temperamental character but when she gets angry, boy, she really can yell at you (I’m guessing something she picked up from my late grandma). If you meet her, she would appear as a very neutral and calm lady. She can be a very friendly person when you strike the right conversation, if not, then she would be pretty much calm, observing you.

She was a full time mom in our early years; our food provider, our driver to and fro from school, tuition classes, etc. In my recollection of her in our earlier years, she was always there for us (not that my dad wasn't but he was mostly working then).

She attended our schools' activities, sports and concerts. I remember that my mom would be waiting with the other moms in our school hall to pick us from school. This is how she remembers some of my schoolmates till today .

She also disciplines us....with the cane. I remember I was always the one running round and round our dining table away from her. She would tell me to stop and that she wouldn't cane me but she always ended up caning me and my sister (my brother, being the youngest, got away the most with the canings). My sister and I would show off our cane marks on our legs to our friends in school the next day. This became the norm (not that we were beaten everyday but somehow the memories of these still linger on). I think the canings stopped when we got older before we hit our teens but not the shouting and nagging.

My mom is scared of cockroaches and she will scream and run when she sees one. And hence, yours truly is also just as scared of cockroaches and would do the same as my mom. My sister and brother also hates them but they're not as scared as I am - not too sure why on this. Maybe coz my mom and I share the same birthday. Yes, I was induced on her birthday (as I was late) and I came out right smack in the evening of her birthday, smelling like petai. Oh, this is also one of my favourite dishes now! She loves telling this petai story to everyone together with some other embarrassing stories which I shall not reveal here. But there is one story which she told me that I used to tell her not to die young and that if she does, I will sleep at her grave. Well mummy, you know what's the answer now. Not that I don't love you, but you know how scared I am of ghosts! :)

My mom became a mother at 21 years old when she gave birth to my sister (she was married at 20) and had me nearly 2 years later and then my brother less than 2 years after that. So she had 3 kids before she was 25. I'm not sure how she handled 3 kids alone at home but if I'm in her shoes now, I would be tearing my hair out (in fact, I'm just about to tear my hair out with my 2 girls and I'm not even a stay-at-home-mom!).

Being such a young mom and that she had a damn good figure then, even after 3 kids (something I didn't inherit except for her apple-bum shape), I had my fair share of compliments on how good my mom looks in school from my friends. When I was in secondary school, one of my classmates boasted to my other classmates how sexy my mom was (we bumped into her at the mall one day and my mom was wearing this figure-hugging bare back top). I've to admit she did have a sexy figure then. Now, she has put on some weight and she blamed it all on the crazy hormones she faced - at least she doesn't blame it on us 3 kids. :)

My mom did work when we got bigger till several years back. Now, she is a lady of leisure, mostly at home on her Macbook playing online games and on facebook or watching her all time favourite show, Oprah. If she's not at home, she is either busy travelling with my dad or entertaining friends with my dad or entertaining my niece and nephew. She also has her regular catch ups with her schoolmates now and then. I definitely envy her lifestyle now. :)

her profile picture at facebook, yup, it's her as a baby and she claims she's a better looking baby than her own kids and grandkids (indirectly blaming on our dad's genes!)

Below are pictures of us before I left for my tertiary studies

Mummy, I know I don't say or show this often but I do appreciate you and of course I do love you. For without you (and papa), I will definitely not be what I am today. And for that I thank you! Happy Mother's day!

And a happy Mother's day to all of you mummies out there too!

I'm still alive

2009-04-20T22:30:00.000-07:00

Yes, I’m still here…thanks for the smses, calls, msn messages to check on how I’m doing since all three of our blogs haven’t been updated for some time. You know I do want to update them badly but as usual, time doesn’t permit me to. It’s the usual busy stuff at work and then after work, I’m tied up with the girls and weekends is just as hectic. Anyway, I’m also glad to know that we are missed if I happened to neglect the blogs. LOL.

I tell you, having two kids really takes most of your time and not just that, I don’t remember Rye Li growing so fast like how Haye Li is at the moment. The girl can crawl already!

Since I’m here, I want to update on where I last left off (so again, if you’re a guy reading this, don’t read further if you’re not into breastfeeding!) :D

Shortly after the previous post, while still in pain, I pumped out blood with my milk on one of the nights. After 2 oz of pink milk, I stopped. I threw the milk away coz I didn’t like the idea of freezing pink milk. I did allow her to suckle on still after that although it hurt so much. But I didn’t let her for the next 3 days on the effected side, only pumped so that my nipple could heal on its own. I didn’t expect the pain to linger around for so long, I think it lasted for more than 2 weeks but it was getting better at least. Now, I have cracked nipples on both sides. Yes, it still hurts (mildly if compared to the blocked ducts scenario) but my determination to see that this girl gets her breast milk till she is one year old still prevails.

Actually, I have been thinking about this; whether I want to stress myself out over breastfeeding. My stock in the freezer is depleting. I used to have as much as over 3 weeks of supply in there. But now, I only have about a week’s supply. I’m pumping lesser than what the girl consumes during day time and I know in time, my supply will not be enough for her.

It doesn’t help that I think she’s a little allergic to dairy products as I noticed if I consume too much of diary stuff, she has some kind of rash. I wanted to introduce her soy milk instead with her rice cereal to test her but Dr. Koe, the pediatrician cum lactation consultant said that rice cereal on its own is just fine. When I complaint to her my dilemma (sore and cracked nipples plus the fact that Haye Li wakes up so frequent at night), she just said “what to do, a mother’s job is never easy!”.

With Rye Li, I introduced formula earlier as I needed the assurance that I have a backup if my breastfeeding fails so when it was time for her solids, I had no problems mixing it with formula. Now with Haye Li, I’m stuck whether to introduce milk formula or soy milk. At least I’m glad I managed to breastfeed her 100% till she’s 6 months (it was like 90% breast milk with Rye Li when she was 6 months old).

Over the weekend, I didn’t mix my expressed breast milk (EBM) with her rice cereal as the daycare will not be doing this. So I just wanted to mix sure that Haye Li gets the bland taste of rice cereal first on its own. I will be adding on my EBM to her cereals over the weekends after this. I think I will just go get the rice cereal with soymilk to test her in a few weeks time to give her the variety before we introduce to real porridge from 7 months onwards.

I was also asked why I want to torture myself (with the pain) constantly. Firstly, it’s more of an obligation since I managed to do the same with Rye Li although the circumstances then seems much easier. Secondly, I’m thinking to myself that if I can do it then, I can also do it now. Thirdly, when I just feel like giving up and want to introduce her formula (be it cow’s or soy milk), I realized how expensive these are and so I go back to my ‘just-stick-it-through-as-long-as-i-can’ mode. And finally, it does feel good to have your baby cuddled up to you while she’s nursing (although it can be a pain when she uses you as a pacifier!).

Don’t congratulate me yet as I still don’t know how long will this last – I seriously hate pumping and glad that I’m not pumping 5 times a day like how I was with Rye Li (I don’t pump over weekends at all) but still, it is just as tiring having to wake up several times in the night to nurse this girl. Anyway, one day at a time.

In pain, again!

2009-03-07T06:34:00.000-08:00

If you’re a guy reading this, let me forewarned you first that this post is not for you. You would not want to be turned off when looking at women’s boobs after this – LOL! Yes, I’m going into details of breastfeeding again. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

I’m having blocked ducts again. Second time since I had Haye Li. At least it’s not mastitis with the fever but the pain, unfortunately is very much the same. Damn painful!

It started with a sore nipple and I didn’t think anything of it as I get this on and off. Seriously, if you ever see how Haye Li drinks from the bottle, you would definitely make a comment. And I would reply “imagine when she drinks off me!”. Yes, she treats me the same, which I am kind of used to it with the discomfort now and then. So when the soreness came, and then the blocked ducts, I thought it would just be for a day or so but it has been 5 days and I’m still in pain! Sob Sob!

The soreness came to a blister like and milk was trapped in it, which eventually led to hardened patches on my boobs. Out of desperation and I didn’t have the time to go see Dr. Koe, I took it into my own hands and had to burst the blister with a sterilized needle, many, many times. And when I’m nursing or pumping, the pain was a nightmare! How I wish we can actually numb the boob while nursing. Even when I’m not nursing, it still hurts as I got trapped milk in there.

Now, I don’t have hardened patches anymore but it still hurts when I’m nursing. And my nipple is still sore. Since this is my second time with Haye Li, I’m really questioning myself how long do I want to do this. It’s definitely the way she latches on. If it happens for the third time again, I think I may just stop breastfeeding altogether.

I am stressed this week – a mixture of my rushed juggling role as a working mom and a full time mom after work. And with hubby away for work, with the lesser supply of my expressed milk and with the blocked ducts, it made it worst, and the pain that came with it. See what a ‘mess’ I am now that I can't even type proper sentences anymore. Hah!

Another thing to add, Haye Li’s gotten into latching on me most of the time while she sleeps lately. You can say she’s using me as a pacifier but she is really drinking when the milk comes. During daytime over the weekends, she won’t let go at all while she sleeps so I’m literary stuck with her and can’t do anything else. My boss was telling me if I can’t seem to finish some of my overdue work, I can do it at home and I will give her the stare and tell her how my life is at home. I have no time at all to squeeze work in and even if I do, I don’t want to as I can’t concentrate with a crying baby every half hour or so. Even when I get the chance to blog, I’ll get interrupted by Rye Li or Haye Li now and then and I will leave my stuff hanging there and I tend to forget what I wanted to say or miss out some other relevant points. So you can imagine if I do my work at home while attending to them!

Back to breastfeeding, it’s tougher with Haye Li and it’s challenging me in the face whether I want to do this till she’s a year old. Ah….I will bite the bullet for now (again) and see if I can withstand the pain if ever I have this again…I sure hope it doesn’t come round again!

Happy Moo Moo Year!

2009-02-13T19:01:00.000-08:00

I so feel like a cow alright. :)

Firstly, how appropriate that I’m breastfeeding which also means I’m pumping and hence, what a cow I am. My life now is ensuring I’m producing enough milk for Haye Li (who is still 100% on breastmilk) and since I’ve started work towards end of December last year, it has not been easy! Compared to Rye Li’s time, my job then was a desk-bound one and I could at least pump twice at the office at a scheduled time.

With the current job, I have to see my clients at their office at times. And since I’ve been back to work, I had tried to minimize this as much as I could. But of course, it being the nature of my job, it is tough to avoid seeing my clients altogether. So, for those appointments and meetings I needed to attend to so far, I have tried my best to work around my pumping schedule. This is the 9th week I’ve been back at work and there have been those occasional few times which I only managed to pump once during working hours.

It does get to me as in I feel frustrated, especially when I’ve been trying my hardest to build up my supply even while I was on maternity. And to make up for the ‘lost’ time, I also pump in the middle of the nights when Haye Li gets up for milk.

When I started work, it was really tough on me to get up to pump at the same time while nursing her (yes, I’ve mastered nursing her and pumping at the same time so I don’t waste so much time – something I didn’t do with Rye Li). I was so tired from the lack of sleep that I skipped the in-the-middle-of-the-nights pumping sessions in the first 2 weeks. Then when it got hectic at work and this also affected the quantity of my supply, I started the pumping again, only to affect the quality of my sleep. But I have no choice, I need to get my supply going. As of to date, I think I have nearly 2 weeks supply in the freezer. However, I don’t know how long would this last though.

Also, since I have been absent from Haye Li during daytimes, this girl wants to latch on immediately she hears me when I get back from work. Lately, she only wants me when we get back home from the daycare – she will be crying at the top of her lungs while I rush to shower to get myself ready for her. This girl can really latch on, her longest time so far was over an hour! She is sleeping and at the same time drinking. So you can pretty much get the idea what my life is about after work and it gets worst when Rye Li also wants my attention at the same time – usually when her papa is away for business.

And as for work, it has been crazy. Hence the non-blogging for me lately. I don’t have time anymore for myself – as at times I also do bring the work home which usually I can’t do much as I’ll be attending to the girls.

This year Chinese New Year wasn’t a good one – we were at Pangkor and the girls were sick. It started with Haye Li and then Rye Li and then me and then hubby as well. We had to cut short our holidays (we skipped Camerons after Pangkor) because of the girls. We all have recovered except for Rye Li who is still coughing badly and on antibiotics now.

I am physically and mentally tired – seriously, I feel like a cow! Well, I guess the cows also have their decent rest but I definitely don’t. Now I tell people who wants a big change in their life is to have kids…not one but many! This will definitely be a wake-up call alright. LOL.

Due to the limited time I have – this blog will take the backseat for a while. I will update the girls’ progress now and then when I can on their blogs as this is main priority – they grow so fast!. As much as I would love to glorify or bitch about my life (which is therapeutic at times), I feel I really need to prioritize what is important now. But I’m sure I will blog when I can squeeze in the time. Haha…you all take care now!

5 years anniversary

2008-12-27T23:54:00.000-08:00

We’ve been married for 5 years already! And dated for 9 and half years. I can’t believe it has been that long. LOL

So how did we celebrate it? With the girls of course. We had Bubba Gump at the Curve, the only baby-friendly place we like to hang out at. And most of the time, I was standing, mostly to soothe Haye Li and also the table at the booth we were sitting was too close to my body and hence, I can’t put Haye Li in front of me.

Hubby attended to Rye Li who was pretty well behaved (also made me wish Haye Li is at that age so we all can have a decent meal…haha!).

Haye Li did a mega ‘bomb’ and I was too lazy to take her to the baby changing room as it would mean I’ve to walk a fair bit so I changed her at our booth. Luckily, it didn’t smell that bad and that our booth was at the main entrance of the restaurant.

It wasn’t a romantic meal of course (although we had some nice live music from outside) and that I would have preferred Japanese instead of all the fried stuff. What do you expect with 2 young kids?! LOL. But still we have always wanted to try out the place and I must say it is not as bad as I thought it would be. Their Clam Chowder is good but don’t try their Shrimp Heaven though which was a huge disappointment considering the fact that they’re known for serving Shrimps.

I would still go back there to try their non-shrimp stuff and I would want to sink my teeth into their Chocolate Chip Cookie sundae again. Even Rye Li love it….well, she loves anything with ice cream! Yum-yum!

Happy Anniversary Tauke! I wonder when we will get to celebrate without the girls. ;)

Men are really from Mars!

2008-12-27T23:24:00.000-08:00

I have yet to read the infamous book but I feel men are really from Mars! I just don’t get it.

I just don’t get it. How can a father sleep soundly through the cries of his child?

I just don’t get it. How can a father sleep peacefully when his toddler roams freely around the house while he’s sleeping?

I just don’t get it. How can a father not be worried when his child is not eating well and doesn’t force her to finish her food?

I just don’t get it. How can a father just let his child do whatever she wants throughout the day and not remember that she needs a bath or to eat at a specific time?

I just don’t get it. How can a father be so insensitive to his wife’s needs especially when she is showing signs of going insane?

I just don’t get it. How can a father feed his kids junk food, thinking that it can replace their proper meals?

I just don’t get it. How can a father think that it is alright for the kids not to wash their hands after they’ve been through playing out of the house or at the playground?

No wonder most kids prefer their father over their mother when it comes to play time! And thank god there is such a thing as mother’s day! Too bad there is also father’s day! :D

Not feeling Christmassy

2008-12-26T22:10:00.001-08:00

This is the first time we’re not doing our Christmas tradition and it does feel weird. Christmas to me has always been at Grandma’s house as far back as I can remember. This has been our tradition. Now with both Grandpa and Grandma gone, our Christmas feels ‘dead’ too.

We kept Grandma’s place and my uncle will be staying on there. So we did some renovation and it was suppose to be completed on time for Christmas but it wasn’t and hence, we didn’t get our Christmas.

So everyone celebrated Christmas in the own way. We had dinner on Christmas eve with our immediate family at a restaurant and on Christmas day, we celebrated at home ourselves. Hubby cooked (roasted pork loin and ribs) our dinner. His brother, wife and their friend came over for dinner. My sister and her kids came over early to play with Rye Li and I guess the kids had the most fun.

Now that Christmas has come and gone, I still feel somewhat cheated of it. I’m glad Rye Li at least had her fun. Hopefully next year’s would be back to normal, well, not so normal as it would never be the same anymore without my grandparents. At least we still have the rest of the family and the house. And Haye Li would be able to enjoy Christmas by then too.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

What is it like having 2 kids?

2008-12-03T02:57:00.000-08:00

I have been asked many times lately how has been so far with two kids. Well, it is definitely tiring as your energy is spread out over 2 kids now. Before Haye Li came along, I was worried as to how am I going to divide my attention between them two and also would I love Haye Li as much as I love Rye Li. I guess this question is common among us moms who are expecting no. 2.

You just go with the flow when both kids want your attention at the same time and yes, it does drive you up the wall too especially when you’re so tired. I did have these stressful times and I’m glad I could manage it well most of the time. They were a few times that I had to attend to the baby first and later have to explained to an unhappy toddler. And they were also a few times where I let the baby cried it out while I attend to the toddler.

As for loving them both, I have to say I do love Haye Li equally as much but I do feel that the love for them both is kind of different in a way. I mean, Rye Li is my Rye Li and Haye Li is my Haye Li. They’re both different and I would probably learn more about Haye Li in due time – now I’m only learning through what I’ve observed in the last 6 weeks.

Just don’t ask me the question who would I save first if both are in danger – I hate this kind of questions as I do not have the answer and I will never will. I just pray I don’t have to face this kind of situation in real life, ever!

As much as I’m really exhausted with 2 kids now, I have no regrets having no.2. In fact, having her has brought me back to memory lane when I had Rye Li. I’m so thankful that I could go through it all again, those memorable times of course. Like playing and singing to a newborn. Rye Li grew so fast and now, I’m going through it all over again with Haye Li. I get to dress her up again in those cute outfits and shoes (especially since Rye Li had so many!).

I’m not sure if I can get some quality time with Haye Li alone especially when I return to work since I can’t show too much attention to her in front of Rye Li. Perhaps when hubby takes Rye Li out over the weekends which she enjoys so much. *this is also a hint to hubby!* LOL

Confinement’s over – bring out the champagne!

2008-11-25T19:12:00.000-08:00

Yippie, it’s over! Or is it?!

Well, the confinement part is but the next challenging one is handling a toddler with a newborn which is on-going till the newborn isn’t newborn anymore, I guess. And then that would be another new challenge altogether.

Anyway, back to the confinement first. I’ve done myself proud with only washing my hair 3 times this round (I washed my hair 5 times during Rye Li’s). Now, I’m only waiting for the right time to chop off my hair – I’ve been dying to cut it real short throughout the pregnancy but only withstand it as I need to tie it up during the confinement.

This time also didn’t feel as bad as the last as I wasn’t really confined, having to send Rye Li to and fro from the daycare and also there were that few times where I had to pick my urut lady up from the commuter station.

I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs as well during this confinement but I won’t go into the details for fear of offending anyone. I’ve already ‘blasted’ what I wanted to say in previous posts and I shall leave it as it is.

So what did we do for the full moon? Well, just like Rye Li’s, we distributed full moon packages (forgot to take pictures of it) to friends and relatives on Friday. On Saturday, we had our family over for some food at home and since we had so much leftovers, we also invited some friends except that only one family could turn up due to the last minute invitation. Hehe.

Ok, now the challenging part. I didn’t really get to do my work throughout this one month, only managing some emails now and then. I still owe a fair bit to my clients. I thought I would have some time during the day time but unfortunately (or maybe fortunate) that Haye Li is a more demanding baby than her sister. She needs to be carried around daytime and weirdly enough, she will sleep on her own evening onwards. And there is no way I will work at nights as I don’t get enough sleep already and I can’t really sleep daytime with a demanding baby.

So where is this leading to? Well, I’m really thankful that I have the daycare to send Rye Li to daytime throughout the weekdays and I only have her at nights and weekends. And this is also enough to send me up the wall handling a toddler and a baby at the same time. It is worst when hubby is not around!

I’m also grateful for having a maid this time. She’s not the perfect maid, she has her own flaws but at least she does the cleaning around the house and that means a lot to me too.

I cannot imagine having to go back to office in 4 weeks time – not sure how will I cope then. I’m more worried as to whether I can keep up with the milk supply for Haye Li. I am determined to also breastfeed her for at least a year just like Rye Li but with me having to see clients out of office will be a challenge for me. I will see where this will lead me to when I return to office.

I’m also worried with the way hubby travels, whether I can cope with two kids or not. I know there’s the maid but the thing is, I don’t let her handle the kids. I do let her with some stuff for Rye Li, if she lets her but definitely not the baby. No thanks to her weak health too (she has been sick 3 times with us so far and this is her 5th month!). And she has this dry cough that has not gone away since day 1 when we picked her up. Not sure if we will still have her after next month or not as I will need to take her for another x-ray checkup. If her x-ray shows negative, I can have the option of changing her with the agent but hubby did remind me that I will have to start all over again with the new maid and we don’t know whether we can trust her also. At least this one, I can trust her to a certain extent. Oh well, we will also see how it goes next month.

Hubby is away this whole week, for 6 nights and this is one of the longest so far with us having two kids. Rye Li took it quite badly as she has grown closer to her papa during my pregnancy with Haye Li and also ever since Haye Li came out. The first night, I really had to attend to her and let’s put it this way, while I was nursing Haye Li, I was also feeding Rye Li her dinner! She was really cranky then and only wanted me and no one else.

So, I am wondering how I will cope handling 2 kids when I go back to work but knowing us women, nothing is impossible when we’re faced with challenges alone. I sure hope so! :D

A breastfeeding moment

2008-11-19T22:26:00.000-08:00

I have to blog about this….since Haye Li is still small although she has put on some weight, none of the mittens we have can really fit her so most of the times she go mitten-less.

So when I was nursing her just now on my left boob, I just let her be while I was watching TV. When I looked down on her, her left hand was against her upper cheek and she was showing me the finger! I just burst out in laughter and wished my camera was with me then.

This kinda made my day coz it made me laugh….something I really need these days!

Who is it that has given birth in the house?!!!

2008-11-15T19:14:00.000-08:00

Please don't ask me!

Everyone in the house behaves as if they have given birth and they get much more sleep than I do!

There, I just need to get that out! Another 6 days to go and I'm out of the house!

Mastitis updates

2008-11-14T02:07:00.000-08:00

Because the lumps are not going away and it still hurts while nursing and breastfeeding, I went to see the infamous Dr. Koe this morning and I was really impressed with her. I’ve heard about her over 3 years ago but never needed to see her till today. All this while, I thought she was only a Lactation Consultant but I found out this morning online that she’s a Pediatrician cum Lactation Consultant. I was thinking of going alone after dropping Rye Li off the daycare but when I found out she was also a Paed, I brought along Haye Li and MIL.

And it was a good thing I brought Haye Li as not only my visitation is under her name but Dr. Koe corrected on how I’ve been breastfeeding Haye Li all this while. She is so patient and really spent her time with us. Think we spent a good 45 minutes with her and she only charged me RM81 (which RM56 was my antibiotics and I also had a eye drop for the girl’s eye discharge which she had since she was born). So much cheaper than SJMC I must say! I’m thinking now of bringing the girls to her for their jabs but if any emergencies of flu and fever, SJMC is still nearer to our place.

I felt good walking out from Dr Koe’s clinic, as if I’ve achieved something. I must recommend for any moms who are not confident in breastfeeding to see her, something I regretted not doing with Rye Li!

I’m going to digress a bit….on the way to my car from the clinic, we passed several coffee shops with many hawker outlets and I had good whiffed of Char Kuey Teow (Fried Flat noodles) and it smelled damn good! I don’t fancy this at all during normal times but I guess this is what 3 weeks of confinement does to you! I know what I will be looking for in a week’s time! :D

Blocked ducts + Fever = Mastitis = Pain!

2008-11-12T19:15:00.000-08:00

Breastfeeding, can it get any better?!

Two days ago, I experienced some blocked ducts on my left and it was painful nursing Haye Li or while pumping but I continued anyway as I need to empty it in order to get better. Then at night, I started having fever. This is a first time for me. I've experienced blocked ducts with Rye Li before but never fever.

I didn't dare take Panadol then so I was having fever through the night while suffered in pain when nursing Haye Li. Morning came and my fever was 39.3 degrees and I felt I better do something about the fever. Thanks to my friend, who also experienced Mastitis before, told me that I could take panadol and I did.

I also called my doctor and I remembered that he was away for a seminar this week so I spoke to his senior nurse who advised me if the fever didn't go away after taking panadol in the morning, I should go in and see a doctor. By noon, my fever broke and so I didn't bother going into the hospital. But when the panadol wore off, it came back and so I took panadol again.

At the mean time, I still fed Haye Li with the affected boob (which was excrutiating painful!) and used hot towel on it while massaging it as well (thanks to my friend's advice). Evening came and my fever came back but nursing or pumping wasn't as painful as in the morning. But I had new lumps. In the middle of the night, I was still having low grade fever but I didn't take panadol and decide to only take it in the morning if there is still fever.

My fever is gone for the moment but the lumps are still there. It still hurts to nurse or pump and also while massaging but it wasn't as painful as the first time. I will still take panadol later as I'm having a big headache too, probably from all the sweat from the breakout of the fever. My appetite has worsen and I asked MIL to cook some soup today so I can replenish on the liquids lost. Also, the quantity of milk from the affected boob as totally worsen and takes like forever to have a let-down. I'm wondering when will it get back to normal as I need to resume my stock-keeping.

I'm hoping the fever doesn't return and that the lumps will be gone soon as I would hate to start taking antibiotics for it. Also, going to the doctors now when hubby is not around is really troublesome. But of course if it doesn't get better by tomorrow, I will have to go see a lactation doctor and would probably bring Haye Li and MIL with me.

This experience really questioned me whether I want to continue with breastfeeding or not as I've not experienced such pain before and fever too. But I need to persevere as I need to think of Haye Li's well-being more than anything - I will definitely remind her of this experience when she's old enough to understand.

Breastfeeding

2008-11-08T21:16:00.000-08:00

This post is dedicated to both of my daughters. As much as I love you both so much, I need you two to know how much your mummy went through just to breastfeed the both of you! And it’s a good thing too that you two are females as you both will go through it one day too. :D

I have to admit that both my daughters are hopeless when it comes to breastfeeding them. Let’s start with Rye Li first.

Rye Li was immediately brought to me after she was cleaned up when I just delivered her. I was surprised as to how she knows how to latch on immediately and she managed to suckle one side for about 10 minutes before she was brought away.

I only got to attempt at breastfeeding her like 6 hours later after that and it was a struggle already as she prefers sleeping most of the time. The nurse and I had to find ways to wake her up, at times it worked but most times it didn’t. The two nights at the hospital saw me waking her up for feeds most of the time. And it was the same at home too.

Although Rye Li latches on well, my nipples were still sore and soon the engorgement came in and I suffered as this girl only drinks like 2-5 minutes before dozing off. No matter how much effort was made to wake her for more milk, this girl never awoke from slumber land. And this led to the beginning of my pumping journey. After every time she drinks off me, I need to continue with pumping or else I would suffer from the engorgement.

In the beginning, and for several months after that, every time she latched on, I would squeal in silence as it hurt a lot.

For the record, I never knew what it was like to have my breast emptied by a baby as Rye Li never drank more than 10 minutes of me throughout her 1 year breastfeeding journey. At least I’m glad she never treated me like a pacifier (probably due to the fact that she sucks her thumb from 4-5 months old till today).

Oh yes, I was telling everybody then how she treated me like a ‘straw’. Once she latched on, she would drink a little, then let go, and then drink again, and then let go as if she knew the ‘straw’ was there all the time at her convenience. This was why I never breastfed her in public! Also, you can imagine how messy it was when my breasts are full and she let’s go during her feeds. There were times I really wanted to smack her hard for her bad sucking habits (which I’m convinced it also led to her bad eating habits till today!) but since she was a little innocent baby then, I just couldn’t find myself to and suffered in silence!

Because Rye Li doesn’t finish her milk of me, we always brought out the expressed breast milk (EBM) out with us when we go out. And we have to work around my pumping schedule so it took forever for us to get ready to go out as not only we need to feed her before we leave, we have to get her stuff ready and I also have to pump. So our outings were not for very long too, the most 5 – 6 hours or so as I needed to come back home to pump again. Those days, I envied moms who conveniently pull up their bra just to feed their babies in public as they don’t need to bring out so many stuff with them or rush back to pump.

Rye Li also doesn’t like frozen EBM. I guess it was my fault that I didn’t train her early with it and mostly gave her fresh EBM. And I struggled keeping up with the supply as we can’t store fresh EBM for long compared to frozen ones. In the end, I threw away a lot of frozen EBM. I did use them to mix with fresh ones and also to make her cereals but there were a lot in the freezer and I couldn’t use all of them. From this experience, I vowed to train my next baby early on frozen EBM so that I won’t be so stressed out on keeping up with supply.

Now that Haye Li has come along, I was praying hard that her drinking habits are way better than her sister’s. This is somewhat true but still, I also find her hopeless like her sister!

At the delivery room, it took some time for Haye Li to latch on me. She was more keh poh chi (busybody) with her surroundings than to latch on. After coaxing her like several minutes or so, she finally latched on and I got her to suckle off both breasts too for like half hour before she was taken away from me.

When it was time to feed her again at the hospital, this girl didn’t really latch on properly and when I started to correct her, she got so furious and started screaming (she is way louder than her sister!). I guess it is my fault for not correcting her from the start so again, I suffered.

When we got home, my nipples were already sore and cracked and by the 3rd night home, both my nipples were bleeding. My first time as I didn’t get this from Rye Li. So I suffered that few days till it healed by itself and till today, my nipples are still sore. At least it is not cracked anymore.

Haye Li definitely drinks more than Rye Li and at least when she sleeps on them, she is still sucking. At the hospital, I was wondering whether she was actually drinking or treating my like a pacifier as I couldn’t hear the swallowing sounds from her. But now, I can so I know she is still drinking in her sleep until she will totally let it go herself. However, just like her sister, she also doesn’t finish off. Well, she could finish off one breast but when I put her on the other, she is already dead asleep.

So my pumping is more to empty the other breast and also so that I can start storing them up. I’m too lazy now to pump in the middle of the nights (second time breastfeeding doesn’t give you that painful engorgements) but I think I have to start soon as not only I need to keep up with supply, this girl is becoming like her sister in that she is drinking 5-10 minutes before dozing off and hence, she is waking up like every hour or every one and a half hour. After my confinement is over, I will start giving her EBM in the bottle through the nights so she will drink more and sleep longer. Only thing is that I will need to pump after giving her the EBM.

There have been several occasions where she has drank for half an hour and I was able to have her to drink off both breasts, something I didn’t achieve with Rye Li. But lately, she is drinking like 5 minutes and then let go and don’t want anymore. But when I put her down, she cries for milk. This girl is definitely more demanding than her sister.

This girl also has started treating me like a ‘straw’ and I’m wondering are all babies like this or just mine are like this? If mine are like this, I would think it’s from hubby’s genes as I knew I’m a very good eater when I was young while he was a fussy eater! :D

She doesn’t open her mouth big to latch on, just her pouty lips so she’s literally ‘sipping’ of my ‘straws’ and it also hurts each time she latches on and I will still squeal in silence. During Rye Li’s time, I usually went “ow, ow, ow” but now I don’t as Rye Li is mostly around me when I nurse Haye Li and I wouldn’t want her to think that Haye Li is hurting me.

Anyway, I’m praying that Haye Li gets better at drinking off me as I would hate to work around my pumping schedule over the weekends again.

Motherhood, you just have to love it don’t you?! But my stance is still clear, after going through what a woman should go through, I still want to be a boy in my next life! :D

Being confined

2008-11-05T03:34:00.000-08:00

It’s been nearly 2 weeks and how has it been so far? Hot, hot and hot! I need a hair wash again only having to wash it on Saturday. I’ve managed to last 10 days this time round. I wanted to try 12 days but I just couldn’t as I felt there was a mini zoo in my hair already! With Rye Li, I only managed 8 days so this is a better attempt. LOL.

During the first week, I was alone with the maid mostly while Rye Li was at the daycare and hubby at work. Yes, he had to work that week as he has a new boss that just came in. Initially, he was supposed to take the week off since his parents couldn’t come till last weekend. They were in Medan for a holiday booked earlier and we didn’t want them to forego it just for me.

My food was well taken care off by my parents as well as hubby over the first weekend. I had packets of frozen vinegar pork leg in the freezer as a standby if hubby couldn’t cook for me.

Hubby had to be away for a night in the first week and I had to send Rye Li to the daycare for one and a half days. He asked me to leave her at home but there was no way I wanted her to as I don’t think I can cope with 2 of them alone at home. The maid? Well, she was with me and she had the flu again so having her to take care of Rye Li was also not an option and has never been. Lucky for me, Haye Li slept all the way to and fro in the car. Even when the in-laws are in town, I will still send Rye Li to the daycare when hubby is travelling except that I won’t be bringing Haye Li with us.

I’ve started pumping (will do a separate post on my 2nd breastfeeding journey when I can) so MIL could feed Haye Li if needed.

I’ve also started my urut (malay: massage) and it hurts like hell! I don’t like the oily stuff and after each session, I really have to wipe myself down. The lady was nice and patient enough to allow me to nurse Haye Li in between the sessions. During Rye Li’s time, my MIL would be feeding Rye Li with my expressed milk then. She will do this with Haye Li next week onwards when I continue my urut.

It does help having a maid as she does the washing, cleaning the house and all. I realize this time that I don’t think I will get to dress Haye Li in all the baby clothes I got (I received more hand-me-downs) as the maid washes them Only thing about my maid is that I don’t allow her to handle Haye Li so it has all been me since Day 1.

Not only I nurse her, I change and bathe her too. It has been manageable so far and now that my in-laws are here, I’m still doing this. At least I can have them to oversee Haye Li when I need to go to the toilet, etc instead of depending on the maid.

This confinement doesn’t feel as bad as the previous one so far (guess coz I’ve been going out but only to send Rye Li to and fro to the daycare) but I’m still counting to the days where I don’t have to follow the confinement stuff anymore. I do so want my ice cream! LOL but I will probably wait till very much later since I’m breastfeeding and I’m not sure whether this girl will be colicky like her sister or not. I sure hope not!

Another 16 days to go!

Haye Li's birth story

2008-10-30T01:16:00.000-07:00

And all that planning for nothing. LOL.

So, she did listen to me after all….Initially, I did tell her to come out 23rd onwards and to be in between 2.5 – 3 kgs. And she came out on 23rd October 2008 morning at 2.75kgs.

Ironically, the night before, we had dinner at Rye Li’s Godfather’s parent’s place. The day before Rye Li was born, we had lunch with them too. That day after my last checkup with my doc, we were invited over to their place for dinner and the aunty was saying “you come over for dinner, sure your baby come out tomorrow!” which of course, I didn’t want as I wasn’t ready yet. Who knew then, that it would come out to be true! :)

After dinner, we reached home at 10 plus. I had my shower, washed my hair (I wash my hair everyday!) and went to bed. I couldn’t really sleep so I was playing with a game on my mobile. Finally slept about 12 plus.

I got up at 4am as I was experiencing painful period cramps again. I didn’t really think that it was IT as I have been having this for the last 4 weeks now. Then, Rye Li asked for milk and I made it for her. So happened hubby couldn’t sleep too and he was awake. Told him about my cramps and he went back to bed. About 4-30am, I decided to get up to pee.

I noticed a slight discharge, yellowish greenish type which I didn’t think twice about it as I get a lot of discharge during my pregnancies. After I peed, I realized that there were some more discharge and I looked down to notice it was pinklsh and sensed that this could be IT. Got hubby to wake up and he asked how sure I was, then there was some slight bloodish discharge which I told him it was a “show”. I started to panic (again) as I haven’t finished my work yet and I was really looking forward to my days off! Got the look from hubby and then I changed ‘frequency’ and said I’m not sure where to put Rye Li and the maid!

Anyway, I got the maid up to pack Rye Li’s stuff while I went and shower again (yes, I need to wash my hair even though I washed it like 6 hours previously!). Hubby went and got the car ready and we didn’t wake Rye Li up till it was time to leave the house.

I actually felt like poo-ing when the “show” came but I didn’t dare as I knew this is one of the signs of baby coming out. But I wasn’t having any contractions yet.

We left the house at 5am and I called my mom on the way to the hospital. Usually, she would be awake by this time for her morning walks but she didn’t pick her phone up. Called my sister’s maid (my sister and my parents stay at the same condo) and she was awake, asked her to go wake my mom up as I wanted my mom to come meet us at the hospital to pick the girl and maid up. My parent’s place is nearby the hospital and I was telling hubby since I’m not having any contractions (actually, I wasn’t sure what I was feeling then were contractions, or from the urge to poo or from the period cramps) and it was bearable, we should just drop Rye Li and the maid off my sister’s place.

I got my sister’s maid to come down and get the girl. I was surprised how calm Rye Li was throughout the whole thing – we explained to her what was happening and that once her mei-mei is out, papa will come pick her up to see us. She did show her sulky face but she didn’t cry or anything and willingly went to my sister’s maid (of course, I packed her doll along and some M & M’s and I told her this too!). I was worried about her the whole time till the last half hour of me giving birth that day. I have to say that Rye Li was my focused most of the time of my labour.

By the time we got to the hospital was about 5-45am or so. They checked me first for contractions on the CTG thingy and only when they realized I was having contractions (which wasn’t that obvious to me as it was like light period cramps), that they allow us to register. Usually, they said that they will send people home if there were no contractions. Anyway, they checked me ‘there’ and said I was 4cm dilated already and since it was my second time, it should be fast around 10-11am.

I was contemplating whether to take epidural or not but since it was early morning again like Rye Li’s and I wasn’t sure whether I would also dilate just as fast this time round, I felt that it would be a waste if I took the epidural and there won’t be any effect on me. So I decided not to. Even the midwife was against me taking it since they guarantee that it would be very fast for me and that it would be a waste of money. The midwives were really the old school thinking type, they are older than my mom!

After clearing my bowels and all, I went to the delivery ward. It was around 6-30am now and the contractions were still bearable (every 5 mins or so) but I asked for panthedine. The jab at my bum was really painful (and I still got a bruise from it till now) and several minutes later, I felt really tired and sleepy.

I tried to rest in between the contractions and chatted a little with hubby. I refused to take the gas yet although it was given to me. And all the time I kept looking up at the time. The midwives (second shift by this time) didn’t even check me there again and only told me that if I feel the urge to poo, to inform them.

By 8-20am, the contractions got intense and lasted longer. After the 3rd one or so, I started taking the gas and told hubby to tell the midwives to check me as I also felt the urge to poo. One of them came in and told me that my doctor was on the way and that he would check me. I think she realize that I was really in pain that she said she would check me. She took her own sweet time getting the gloves on and all.

The last half hour, my eyes were shut tight as I was already in pain and I was focusing on my breathing through the gas mask. I wasn’t even talking but there were so many stuff and words going through my head and most of them were cursing at those around me. As she took so long just to check me, I was cursing her for this. I knew it was just several minutes or perhaps seconds but to me then, it felt like hours! When she checked me, I heard her said that I was 7-8cm dilated already and said to wait for my doctor and this was where I started cursing my doctor too especially when the contractions became unbearable!

One of the midwives was guiding me to breathe through the gas mask and I listened to her over 90% of the time (the balance was when I just went with the flow of the pain). All this time, my left hand was holding on to hubby’s hand and I really squeezed his hands when the pain got unbearable. I didn’t really scream this time but grunted (with clenched teeth) quite loudly when it was painful and I felt the effects of the gas and perhaps panthedine through my head. I also heard the midwife said that she could see the membranes already.

I was really drowsy and because the whole scene reminded me of Rye Li’s birth, I became emotional too and was sobbing towards the end. You can call it self pity or whatever, but I was just going on with the flow and cursing my doctor at the same time as there were no signs of him and I already felt like pushing. In the end, I remembered my colleague’s wife who just delivered a week before me didn’t have her doctor in time too when her baby came out and it dawned on me that I could also have my baby without my doctor! Just as I was going to push (while hearing the midwife said to wait for my doctor), I heard my doctor’s voice. I think he came in several minutes before Haye Li came out.

I think he took some time to change too (I’m not sure as my eyes were shut) but whatever it was, I was already pushing which I didn’t know I was and then I heard my doctor said “don’t push” which caught me off guard. I didn’t know Haye Li was out already and I was sobbing still in between. Haye Li’s cries could be heard throughout, definitely much more than her sister’s. The effects of the panthedine were still there and some of the events were a blur to me but I could hear the conversations going on with the midwives, my doctor and hubby. This also I found irritating (I’m guessing due to me being drowsy) and I really wanted to ask them to shut up but of course I didn’t. Only coz I was too groggy already…LOL.

The taking out of the placenta was also painful to me and so was the ‘cleaning’ me part. I didn’t talk at all throughout the whole thing, in fact, I didn’t even talk to my doctor till I saw him later that evening. When he left, the midwives just let me be and brought Haye Li to me for breastfeeding. I managed to be with her for like half hour or so before being transferred to my room. I was still groggy from the whole thing and was not in the mood to talk unlike Rye Li’s when I felt so energetic after she came out. So I’m guessing it’s got to do with the panthedine.

Now, thinking back, everything went very fast although the half hour of pain felt like a lifetime then. I know I’m considered very lucky already and I have been asked by many to have no. 3 since it was so easy for me. Well, I’m still traumatized by the whole thing and not forgetting the aftermath of it which I will blog about it when I can.

So in summary, on 23rd October 2008;

4 plus am – had a show
5 -45am – admitted to hospital
6am – contractions with 4 cm dilation
6-30am – entered delivery ward, had panthedine with contractions about every 5 mins
8-20am – contractions more intense and longer, started using the gas mask, 7-8cm dilated
8-50am – Haye Li is out

This round of labour took me about 4 hours or so since the “show” with real pain of half hour. No epidural which still amazes me that I survived another round of labour pain. No, please don’t ask when is no. 3 coming along. Now is not a good time for that question!

Ok, can't force her out on 28th October 2008

2008-10-22T00:50:00.000-07:00

I'm officially on leave as at today but still doing work from home when I can as I'm owing some stuff to my clients.

Saw my doc this morning to obtain my medical leave and since I was there, I thought I might as well see him for a checkup instead of having to wait so long on a Saturday. So was going through with him again whether we can set a date for 28th and he said that he's not free on 28th or 29th as he got 2 surgeries to attend to. Of course, if Baby H comes out naturally on her own before that or around those 2 days, then too bad for him. So he said he won't do a finger check till I see him on 29th morning to see if I can be induced on 30th instead.

So much for a nice number of 28th....unless she comes out naturally on her own. ;)

Interestingly, I lost a kg too since last Saturday. So it was water retention after all...haha. And I'm home now eating ice cream (since the girl is at the daycare), hubby thinks just because I lost a kg doesn't mean I can eat whatever I want to. LOL. Am thinking whether I can do a Baskin Robbin's ice cream fondue before Baby H comes out and while no. 1 is at the daycare. She's been quite sensitive to ice cream lately. Each time I give her some, she will start coughing so I can only indulge in this when she's not around. :)

Anyway, I'm still not convinced that Baby H will be late coz the cramps are getting worst lately. And that I can't walk well without being in pain or discomfort. Hubby brought up just now at the clinic that Rye Li's delivery was so easy and fast that I'm expecting the same too for this round. And then I thought of the fact that I was overdue (and I'm the second child) and hubby was late too (he's also the second child). Maybe it runs in the family...

I think Baby H thinks I'm one confused mummy coz initially I told her don't come out until 23rd onwards and then this moved on to 24th (for a baby scorpio) and now 28th (so that I can go back to work 5th Jan instead of last week of December). She probably just want to remain snugly in there than dealing with a confused mummy. :)

38 weeks - still not out

2008-10-19T01:12:00.000-07:00

Ok, i'm not jinxed! Phew!

Baby H has lived a week longer than Rye Li had in my tummy and I made up my mind that if she doesn't come out by 27th October, I will induce her on the 28th itself which I would be exactly 39 weeks then. My doc said he will do the finger check when I see him this coming Saturday to see if my cervix has soften so we can set the date.

One of the reasons for this is that my colleague's wife just delivered at 39 & half weeks normal and her baby is 4.24kgs (over 9 pounds!) and this is really scaring me big time. Although my doc said baby H is about 6 pounds now, I just hope she doesn't get that big!

I also need to watch what I eat coz I put on 2 kgs in 1 week! First thing my doc asked to see when he realized I've gained 2 kgs was my legs - he said, it looks like water retention and I sure hope so! LOL.

My period-cramps like comes and go and now, every time I get a cramp, I will time it just to see if it's a contraction or not. I'm still working and will be going on leave tomorrow onwards as I don't think I want to drive to and fro to work already. Will probably try to relax before she comes out and most likely will be doing some work from home (although I know hubby and some friends will protest to this).

My backaches are still there and I pee like 3-4 times a night. At times, I can go back to sleep easily, probably coz I'm really tired but at times, it takes forever to fall back asleep (like now which is why I was up doing work and also to update this quickly). Because my waterbag burst in the middle of the night the last time round, I do get paranoid now when I wake up to pee at nights. I sure hope she doesn't come out till next week at least as I do want to rest the next few days of my leave.

37 weeks - is it time yet?

2008-10-13T06:26:00.000-07:00

Tonight marks the eve of my 37th week…yes, I’m still around. Cramps had been coming and going for the last 2 and a half weeks. Last week itself I had 2 nights of scare and a night of mild fever and a lot of cramps during the daytime (not as painful as nights).

Hubby is back and he won’t be travelling till baby H comes out. I’m hoping she is out after 23rd next week (just so I’ll have a Scorpio baby! Hehe).

Went for my check up on Saturday which was such a disappointment for me as I waited so darn long, had my blood tested for diabetes (they took so much blood and I was expecting them to just prick my finger!) and after all that waiting, my doctor only checked on baby H’s heartbeat. Not even a scan and when I asked him why, he said “Save money mah!”. Geez. I was looking forward to him to see if she’s engaged after all that cramps or whether I was dilating but he said no need as it was still early.

I’ve only put on 15ks so far (6kgs lesser than Rye Li’s at this stage) but wondering if baby H do come out late, how much more would I be adding on. Yes, I am paranoid about this too. J

Anyhow, if history repeats itself, my waterbag should break after midnight tonight and I would have baby H by tomorrow morning. However, I don’t think I would be that lucky this time coz the last 2 and half weeks of cramping hasn’t not been swell for me and I feel that this pregnancy will be a “pain” for me – I think I’d prefer if my waterbag breaks. At least I know she will be out within 24 hours instead of me wondering when will she be out while suffering from the cramps!

The waiting game begins.

Below are pictures I took. Just wanted to compare with Rye Li’s at 36 weeks…Boy! Am I huge!

this is me at 36 weeks with Rye Li

this is me at 36 weeks and 2 days with baby H - tummy looks bigger at the front (could be my fat)

the girls and I

Possibility of an early labour?

2008-10-05T05:14:00.000-07:00

I have been having period-like cramps for the past one week. The last I had this was the week before Rye Li came out and hence, I was a little paranoid that Baby H is going to come out early too and I'm only in my 35th week.

I was told by my friend to talk to Baby H and I've been asking her to come out on 23rd October onwards - firstly, to make sure hubby's around. Secondly, for me to finish up or at least clear up most of the stuff at work (if baby h doesn't come out by then, i should be on my leave from 22nd this months onwards already). And thirdly, at least get myself mentally prepared for another baby.

Interestingly, when I started to talk to her, I didn't have the cramps for 2 nights (the cramps comes at night only). Then it started again on Friday evening onwards and when I still had it till Saturday morning, I decided to go see my doctor, a week earlier than scheduled. I just need to get some peace of mind since hubby is travelling this coming week.

My doc said that he could do a 'finger check' to check on baby H but he normally doesn't do this till at least 38th week as it could induce labour (now I know why I didn't get this with Rye Li as I heard from others that some doctors will do this finger thingy). He also said that he could do the CTG thingy (which they will wrap this device round my tummy, the ones that they use while you're in labour to check on the contractions and the baby's condition) but it won't be accurate to say whether baby H will be coming out early or not. I guess it was because I didn't have any other symptoms which indicate that I would have an early labour, so my doc just did the usual scan. He commented that baby H is at a good size already of 5 pounds and thus, he is not worried should she come out now. He said baby H looked fine to him through the scan and said for me to just relax and chill. He also asked that I start to plan for back up in case I do go into labour when hubby is not around.

I will be seeing him again next week on a weekly basis now till baby H comes out. I need to fast before I see him next week so that he can check on my blood to see whether I got diabetes or not (since I got a family history for this).

Before we saw him, we went for a late breakfast but I puked it all out into the drain by the roadside. Till now, I'm not sure what caused me to puke it all out but my doc didn't seem too all concern when I told him this. I just felt such a waste as I had good hearty breakfast! LOL...I was hungry shortly after we saw my doc.

As for my weight, it's pretty much controlled (surprisingly, considered the way I eat these days!) as I've only put on half a kg since last week. So in total so far, I've put on 14.5kgs. :)

My hospital bag is about 90% packed, baby H's clothes are all washed and ready (except for some towels and bibs which can be washed later). Now I only need to get her baby cot, bedsheets and baby bassinet ready and also the backup plans ready in case I do go into early labour.

Pregnancy updates

2008-09-28T05:09:00.000-07:00

I remember saying that Baby H only started hiccupping at the beginning of my third trimester unlike Rye Li who started way earlier. But Baby H is exactly like her sister in that she hiccups at least once a day and this can go up to as many as 4 times a day! At times I really wonder what is she really feeling when she hiccups so many times in a day.

She still moves aggressively and at times it’s so ticklish that I will yelped, something I didn’t do with Rye Li. Again, I really wonder what is she doing in there. She seems to be awake during the day and at nights too with all that movements.

I am at 34 and a half weeks now and if she comes out at 37 weeks, this means I got another 2 and half weeks more to go. Wow! So fast and it feels like yesterday that I found out I was pregnant and then the beginning of my morning sickness and all. I can’t believe that we will be a family of four soon.

I went for my check up after my Grandma’s funeral since I had the time and also we don’t have to rush on Saturday. I was pleasantly surprised that I only added 100 grams to my weight. Hehe…but my doctor said it was nothing to worry about since my previous check up was at his other clinic and hence, different weighing machine! Party pooper! Anyway, I’m also guessing that I didn’t eat that much this week especially after finding out about my grandma (just didn’t have an appetite and only ate coz I was thinking about baby H and that I felt weak at times too).

My doc didn’t scan my tummy this time but just checked on baby H’s heartbeat through this device and said all was okay. My next visit in 2 weeks time, he will go back to scanning her like usual. I told him that I didn’t get this with Rye Li and I forgot what his reply was. Anyway, after my next visit which I would be nearly 37 weeks, my check ups will be weekly from then onwards. I also didn’t get to the weekly checkups with Rye Li since she came out so early. Let’s see how it will go this time round.

And again, my doc said that baby H is big and will definitely be bigger than Rye Li. This I know for sure since Rye Li is already so small but I’m just curious how much bigger will she be. Some people said my tummy is small while some say is big. I feel it is definitely bigger than Rye Li’s.
I’ve been asked by several people now, where are my preggy shots?! I have not even taken that many pictures of Rye Li lately, what more of my own?! ;) So, we force ourselves to take some this weekend and the following are the best few of the very few we took. Rye Li was in a good mood that evening so we took the opportunity to have a family one but it didn’t last for long so not that many good shots. I still need to take some more of us especially of Rye Li kissing my tummy.

we did some funny drawings on our tummy, an idea we got from the hospital when we were there for my checkup that day

Grandma has left us

2008-09-26T05:12:00.000-07:00

Grandma has left us unexpectedly early Wednesday morning. We were all surprised as we didn’t think she would go so suddenly just like that. She was 76 years old.

Apparently, she collapsed on Tuesday afternoon and was already unconscious when my youngest cousin found her in the toilet. She never woke up and was in a comatose state since then. We got her to the hospital by an ambulance and after several checks and scans, it was found that there was a lot of bleeding at the back of her brains in which the doctors confirmed that it wasn’t caused by the fall but a rupture by one of her veins.

Due to several factors, which also include her age and the fact that she’s taking medication to thin her blood, the doctor doesn’t recommend immediate surgery to stop the bleeding. They added that she would not wake up from her comatose state and told us to expect that her time can be anytime from then on. It is also a matter of time when her lungs give way and the family has to make a decision to keep her on a ventilator or not.

I rushed to the hospital after work that evening and found her breathing quite heavily into the mask they had for her, with her chest heaving up and down aggressively. At first I thought she was on a ventilator but it was all her and I was amazed at such strength she had (you tend to see people so ‘dead’ when they are in a coma state on TV). It broke my heart to see her like that and not responding to me at all – at least during Grandpa’s time, even when he was suffering, he responded to us till the last moments of his life.

I left the hospital about 8-30pm that night saying my last goodbye to her, having to pick Rye Li up from the day care and I didn’t expect Grandma to leave us in 4 hours later as I thought she would wait for one of my uncles who is in Singapore. She passed away at 12-23am.

I am with mixed feelings of her sudden death. In a way, I’m glad she went peacefully and painlessly (I hope!) especially after seeing how Grandpa suffered the last 5 months of his life. And at the same time, I am really sad that she didn’t live long enough to see baby H. Apparently the week before, she asked my sister what to give baby H when she is born.

It’s also ironic that 3 weeks before Rye Li was born, my great grandmother, my grandma’s mom passed away. And I was calculating in 3 weeks time I will be 37 weeks in which Rye Li was born at 37 weeks. And now that Grandma has passed away 3 weeks before I turned 37 weeks with baby H, I can’t help but feel a little superstitious now. I’ve been telling people the next time I plan to have another baby, I would think twice already.

We had her funeral today, with her body cremated after the mass at church. This time we had her wake and mass at a different church to that of Grandpa’s due to unavailability at the previous church.

I only brought Rye Li to the wake yesterday and the funeral today as hubby only got back from India (a day earlier than scheduled) early yesterday morning. I am amaze at her understanding of the whole thing. She knows that “Mummy’s grandma” (as she calls my mom Grandma too and she knows the difference between mummy’s grandma and rye li’s grandma) has gone to heaven to join Dr. Foo (her paediatrician) and she can even reply with “I miss Dr. Foo and Mummy’s grandma”. I initially didn’t want her to see my Grandma’s body till the funeral but she insisted with “see only” and so we let her. She asked many times after that to see her and we let her too. She knows that Grandma is ‘sleeping’ in the coffin and that she cannot wake up already. She did ask many questions after that like “why mummy’s grandma sleeping in the coffin”, “why mummy’s grandma go to heaven already like Dr. Foo” and “why the people (my relatives) don’t want to go home (from the church as we left earlier than the rest)” and she can even tell the caretakers at the day care that she went to church to say bye to mummy’s grandma. When we picked her up from the day care just now, she asked whether are we going to the church again. She was well behaved throughout the mass and I wasn’t sure whether she talked or not as she sat several rows behind me with the maid. She only got upset when it was time to leave the church after the mass to the crematorium and she couldn’t follow me (hubby took her and the maid to the day care). Since I last missed Grandpa’s session at the crematorium, I didn’t want to miss Grandma’s this time.

I am also going to miss my Grandma big time like how I am still missing my Grandpa. Grandma passed away just over a year after my Grandpa did. It’s ironic that I was craving for her bubur cha cha (malay: a dessert dish) lately and now that she is gone, a lot of her recipes are too. This Christmas will be a huge void to all of us who are so used to celebrating Christmas at Grandma’s place with our grandparents. Already last Christmas was our first without Grandpa and we did feel a great sense of loss then. And now, we will feel a bigger lost. I’m not sure even whether we will be celebrating Christmas like how we have always been and it is a shame really as I was so looking forward to this Christmas with Baby H! And I’m not sure whether we will still have the house – it has been our family reunion venue for Christmas and Chinese New Year and other celebrations for over 25 years already!

Grandma, I miss you so much already but like I told you that night, if you have to go, we understand. We will always love you and will remember you. When baby H is born, I know you and Grandpa will be looking down on us smiling. You rest in peace now.

In memory of my grandparents - with Rye Li when she was about 4 months old.

8 months and counting!

2008-09-12T06:22:00.000-07:00

Ok, a mental note to myself…to do Baby H’s birth story immediately if I ever plan to have baby no. 3.!

After the previous post, I’ve been scared of the inevitable. Even describing it then, scared me as I was reliving everything again and had to seek comfort from hubby. I really wanted to cry but like I said, whether I like it or not, Baby H has to come out one way or the other!

Saw my Obgyn today and I had loads of questions to ask. But firstly, I told him I want to scan that part again as I need to make sure Baby H is Baby H since we have only scanned there once. I told him that a lot of people have been asking me how sure am I that I’m getting another girl and this week itself, a few of my clients said my tummy’s shape looks like I’m carrying a boy. Told him, I already have a name for her and a blog for her too so she better be a girl! He said hopefully, she’ll show herself which she did and yep, it’s definitely a girl! So that’s settled.

I questioned him about my high blood pressure the last time while delivering Rye Li and he said it’s not a concern as some women tend to have high bp while delivering. If it was a concern, he would have raised this issue up earlier. He said of course I will be monitored for this throughout the labour but he don’t foresee that it will impose a danger to me or to baby H.

I asked him a lot on epidural and my fear on pain and said the epidural doctor came too late the last time and he suggested if Baby H doesn’t come out by the time I reach 38 weeks, I can chose a date to induce and have the epidural upfront and wait. But if I have labour pains before that then we will just have to see my luck again. He said usually, second time round, the baby tends to come out faster but he guarantees if it were the third one onwards, it would be very fast already. I was telling him, let’s focus on this second one first as we may not see a third!

I also asked about panthedine whether got any difference and he said it helps with 50% of the pain and of course, it’s much cheaper than epidural. He said if money is not a concern, then I should opt for epidural (RM1k plus vs RM40!). I told him money would be a concern but for me, my body and how I would take the pain at this point in time are more important. He did stress that I should relax and don’t think so much about delivering as I’m creating unnecessary fear which I also agree (I do worry too much!)

Thus, I’ve come to a conclusion that I will play by ear too like how I will play by ear on where I will deliver, either at the same place which is TDMC or Sunway Medical Centre (since Sunway is nearer to my house and office) but my Obgyn is the house doctor at TDMC. I don’t want to take the risk of having another doctor if I dilate too fast again this time, so if I’m not stuck in traffic by the time I go into labour, I will head to TDMC. If it’s too late again to take epidural, then I will just get the jab to ease 50% of the pain.

Oh, I’m adding on weight like nobody’s business again. Put on 2 kgs in 2 weeks which is not good as I should be putting on about half a kg a week. So hubby asked me whether half of it went to Baby H and I just gave him the stare! Men! I will worry about the excess weight after Baby H is out.

I’ve been getting faintish spells and fast heartbeats. Doc said that I’m not getting enough rest which is true as it is getting difficult to have a peaceful sleep lately and Rye Li is getting sick often too (flu) which she has passed to me several times. And work is crazy as usual which I’m trying to clear as much as I can before I pop. As for the heartbeats, doc said it’s normal in my condition.

I’m at the stage where I cannot wait to have Baby H out and at the same time, scared of the after birth events too like how am I going to deal with 2 kids then. Can I equally divide my attention and love for them? I know I’ve been reading other mummies’ blogs as well as listening to experienced moms and that they all managed to overcome this. You just grow and learn along with it and you will find that you love them all as much. I guess I will encounter the ‘culture shock’ initially and will just learn to deal with it.

Rye Li's Birth Story

2008-09-06T02:33:00.000-07:00

Finally I'm done.....enjoy the details! If you're not into this kind of story, please don't read further, it's a darn long one.

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I feel with another baby on the way, I better penned this down in case I ever forget about how I delivered Rye Li. Prior to this, a lot of ladies told me that I will forget the pain after I’ve given birth. Well, Rye Li is over 2 and a half years old and till today, I can remember vividly the details. I’m not sure after my second one, will I still remember this clearly though.

The day before Rye Li came out, I walked a whole lot although I was in pain in terms of my right leg! I was limping for over a month as I think my right leg just couldn’t handle my sudden increase in weight. It was a Friday and I took medical leave that day and went to see my Obgyn. I was only a day short to 37 weeks then and didn’t expect to see the girl for another 2 weeks or so.

My Obgyn also checked me “there” as I was complaining it has been hurting lately and he said it looked alright to him. He also added that Rye Li will be 6-7 pounds when she comes out (I’m guessing he was indicating this from my huge size).

After the checkup, we went to One Utama for a stroll and to get some stuff for our friend’s New Year eve’s party the next day. We spent nearly half the day there and by the time night came, I couldn’t really walk anymore with a limping leg.

After One Utama, we even went to get some DVDs, thinking that we could catch up with some movies over the long weekend then (till today, we haven’t seen all of the DVDs we got that night!).

That night, we went to bed as usual. About 2 plus in the morning or so, I got up as I felt some cramps (like menstrual cramps) and I went to pee. Came back to bed, and started doing the pelvic exercise to see whether the cramps will go away but of course it didn’t. So happened, hubby got up to pee as well and I told him that I was having some cramps. At the same time, I felt a discharge came out and I asked him to help me out of bed as I wanted to check on the discharge. As I got up from bed, a sudden gush of water came out and I quickly went to the toilet. Told hubby that I think my water bag broke and he asked how sure was I. Told him when I sat down on the toilet, another gush of water came out again and also I managed to pee. The water stain on my panty had some little trace of blood too except that I couldn’t tell what colour was the water as I was wearing a green colour panty then.

I started to panic and the first thing I said was “I’m not ready! My work!” – I had a lot of outstanding stuff then which I thought I would clear them in the next week or so since it’s 3 weeks away to my due date. Hubby knocked some sense into me and then I said “My hospital bag! It’s only half packed!” I only started packing it the week before during Christmas as I started having cramps then and it panicked me big time. Trying to calm myself down, I told him I’m going to shower and wash my hair while instructing him on what else to pack into my hospital bag.

By the time we’re ready with me putting a maternity pad on (I was leaking a little bit by bit after that), we headed to the hospital. It was about 3 plus in the morning when we arrived there and we checked in. They put me in a room and the nurse checked me there and said I was only 1cm dilated and my cervix was still hard. She also added that my baby would only come out in the evening. By this time I have yet to experience any contractions. She said that hubby can go home first to rest and come back later. I asked if I can go back (thinking that to wait till evening was such a long time more) and she said cannot as my water bag had broken and I couldn’t risk any infection. Anyway, hubby didn’t want to go home and said that he would sleep in the car downstairs first and to call him if anything. We brought a nail clipper along and I cut all my finger nails – something we were told to do from many people as we don’t want to risk hubby getting cut from me! :)

The nurse inserted some stuff up my bum to clear my bowels and then asked me to rest. About 4 plus in the morning, the contractions started and it was about every 5 minutes. Although it was bearable, I couldn’t sleep with the contractions. I was thinking how was I going to last till evening not getting any sleep at all. Anyway, about 6am, the contractions became more intense and I tried to stand it as long as I could. Towards 6-30am, I called for the nurse and told her that the contractions are getting more intense. She checked me there and said I’m only 2cm dilated and that my cervix was still hard. She gave me several options for the pain but I told her if I’m going to take the jab, I might as well take epidural (since I read that the jab only eases the pain a little). She said I can only take the epidural when I’m 3cm dilated. Told her I will think about it and let her know, thinking that I may be able to stand the pain. She added that my baby is still facing upwards and needs to turn around (towards my bum) so that I will dilate faster. And she left the room.

When she left, I spoke to Rye Li and said “please turn the other way” and the next thing I knew, a contraction came and it was so darn painful that I immediately call for the nurse again. At that time, I was also thinking that I won’t be able to bear the pain till evening and I told the nurse that I want epidural there and then. She asked me whether I was sure and whether I want to discuss with hubby (who was sleeping in the car then) and I said yes. She asked me to go clear my bowels again as she would transfer me to the delivery ward and that I had to wait for the epidural doctor who would be coming all the way from Ampang (I delivered at Taman Desa Medical Centre).

So I called hubby to come up while I went to clear my bowels again. When he came, it was about 7am already and we were transferred to the delivery ward. It was tough to walk with contractions. Every time a contraction came, I had to stop, suffered and then walk again.

I was put on a chair in the delivery room and was given a milo to drink. I felt like vomiting at the same time (probably due to the pain) and was given a plastic container as a standby. By this time, I was already doing the breathing exercise and hubby tried to do it with me. He was next to my face and I found this irritating and told him to stop. I was trying to fight with the contractions in that, every time a contraction came, I would hold my breath and go against it which the midwives told me later that I shouldn’t as it would be more painful. They asked me to relax as much as I could with the breathing exercise. Easy for them to say!

The next hour was hell while waiting for the darn epidural doctor to arrive and finally he came around 8am. This time I was asked again to clear my bowels before I go up to the ‘delivery bed’ as once the epidural is administered, I won’t be able to get out of the bed. It was extremely tough to walk to the toilet this time round and had to stop in between when the contractions came. Hubby had to assist me since I was limping.

It was tougher to get up on the ‘delivery bed’ with a limping leg and contractions. The midwives and hubby had to help me, literary carried me up. When I was finally settled down, the midwife checked me and said “You can’t have the epidural already as you’re 9cm dilated!”. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at this statement at that time. I dilated from 2cm to 9cm in 1 and a half hour! She added “You want me to help you, I can make it 10cm”. I didn’t care what she meant by help but I just nodded my head.

With all the pain that I was going through, I just couldn’t talk anymore but in my head I was cursing at everyone, the midwives, the epidural doctor, my Obgyn and hubby included. In the last 2 hours till Rye Li came out, I didn’t talk at all and my eyes were mostly shut tight then.

Anyway, I think the midwife put a whole fist in “there” and then I heard “Oh, you’re only 8 cm dilated and we have called Dr. Fan already (my Obgyn) and he’s on the way”. And then I was given the gas mask. Hubby tried talking to me to calm me down and told me to do the breathing exercise. Again I found this irritating and I told him “Don’t talk, just stand here!” :) My style is like this, when I’m suffering in pain, don’t tell me what to do, just be there physically. I know he felt helpless then but at that time I was more concern whether I was going to die or not from the pain then those around me.

The midwife inserted the drip inserter thingy into my left hand (or was it the right?!) – mind you, before this, I was terrified about this part as I hate needles. But interestingly, the pain coming from this was nothing compared to the labour pains so I didn’t really recall the pain from this.

My Obgyn came at around 8-30am and I was still only 8cm dilated! He said if Rye Li doesn’t come out by 9-30am, he will do a vacuum and left the room.

I did find some pain relief with the gas mask and I think I inhaled too much and when the midwife realized this, she told me not to inhale too much as I could be high from it. Too late, I was already ‘high’ then and whatever happened after that was as if my soul came out from my body and I was looking at everything like I was watching a movie. The scenes somehow repeated themselves again but what was very real was the pain itself when the contractions came. I was just going with the flow and when the pain came, I actually screamed! I screamed so loud that I was told off by the midwife. She told me when the contractions came, I am to clench my teeth and just breathe through it. She also threatened me that if I were to continue screaming, she will get hubby out of the room. This worked as I dutifully listened to her while cursing her in my head!

The gas also made me very emotional. I felt so cheated there and then. Firstly I was told that my baby would be out in the evening and there was no way I could stand the pain till evening. Then while waiting for an hour for the epidural doctor to arrive, I was told that I could not have it and had to wait for my Obgyn. And when my Obgyn came, he said to wait again for another hour. And then to be threatened by the midwife too. I couldn’t help myself that in between the contractions when it wasn’t painful, I cried like a baby! When the contractions came, I faced up and dealt with the pain, grunting silently. When it went away, I turned left and put my face into hubby’s tummy and cried like a baby!

There was another lady in the next room having her baby at the same time and she was screaming. We could hear her hubby was encouraging her on to push. We all heard it and it frightened me further so I wailed into hubby’s tummy again before the next contraction came. This went on for nearly an hour and next thing I knew, the midwife asked me whether I had the urge to push. To tell you the truth, I was aware that you cannot push until you’re fully dilated but at that time, I really didn’t care whether I was fully dilated or not. So when the midwife asked me, I just nodded my head and I think (my eyes were shut) she checked me there and said that she could see Rye Li’s head already and that she will be calling Dr. Fan now. And I heard hubby saying “I can see baby’s hair!”. Hubby was holding my left hand all this while. During the whole ordeal, I heard the midwife asked him why wasn’t he encouraging me on and he said that I asked him not to.

The midwives prepared me for the delivery and I couldn’t feel hubby’s hand anymore. They strapped my legs to the sides of the bed and while they were doing this, I heard hubby saying ‘Syn, I’m here!” which I was glad he said that so that I know he was still there. Then they made my right hand hold on to the hand bar and wanted my left hand to do the same but hubby said that he will hold on to it. The midwife also asked him was he sure about this and he said it was alright. He later told me that the pain he felt from my nails (even after I cut them off) was nothing compared to what he was seeing me going through. He also told me later that at that time, he didn’t care anymore about the baby as he was so worried seeing me in that condition. All I know was during the whole ordeal I was talking/cussing in my head – I read a pregnancy book “A girlfriend’s guide to pregnancy, what your doctor will not tell you” (or something like that) and one of the things it mentioned was that during delivery, there is no way you can say that you do not want to have the baby anymore. So this was practically going through my head that whether I like it or not, my baby is coming out! Thus, I was thinking in my head that I do not want to have any babies anymore after this! Haha – look where I am now! ;)

When my Obgyn arrived, I was all ready to push and when he gave the green light, I pushed all the way! I didn’t even know that he actually cut me. Mind you again, I was also terrified about this cut thingy but in reality, when you’re going through labour pains, whatever needle or knife that goes through your body is nothing at all!

I only gave one hard push and was waiting for the instructions to push again but instead I heard “you see what is in front of you?!” and I opened my eyes. Rye Li was actually on top of my chest but because she was so light, 2.3kgs/5 pounds, I couldn’t even feel her. The darn midwife opened her legs right in front of my face and asked me what it was! I couldn’t even tell as her vagina wasn’t looking like the vaginas I know, it was protruding out (probably it wasn’t fully formed yet) and she answered for me “it’s a girl yea” and I just nodded my head. She then asked me to kiss her which I did with tears in my eyes and they took her away for cleaning up.

Rye Li came out at 9-28am on 31st December 2005. Actually the clock in the delivery room, the longhand was showing somewhere in between 5-6 so hubby decided that it was 9-28.

It was such a relief that she was out but when my Obgyn took out my placenta, it was another round of minor pain too but nothing much compared to the pain before that. He asked me whether I want to see my placenta and I said “No thank you or else you will never see me again!”. He did his stuff and sewed me up. While sewing me up, he was describing to me the kind of stitches he was giving me which will end up looking like just one knot if you were to look at it. And the whole time he was saying that, I was thinking to myself as if I would take a mirror and look there which he told me I could. No thank you! In fact I didn’t touch myself there for more than a month after that! I only touched up to my anus for cleaning and the rest was water while I dabbed with toilet paper after that. See how traumatized I was!

In short, I had a total of 7 hours labour which breaks down to 5 hours of contractions with less than 3 hours of real pain :-

1) 2-30am – water bag broke
2) 3-30am – admitted to hospital, only 1 cm dilated
3) 4-30am – contractions started, mild and bearable
4) 6-30am – intense contractions, getting unbearable, only 2 cm dilated
5) 7am - 8am – in deep pain but couldn’t take epidural as 8 cm dilated by 8am
6) 8am - 9-28am – was in hell waiting to be fully dilated
7) 9-28am – finally baby is out!

Now we shall see how Baby H’s birth would be like…wish me luck!

31 weeks, among other things

2008-09-01T10:26:00.000-07:00

31 weeks and I feel I’m ready to give birth already. Of course it’s still too early but the way Baby H has been moving, I kind of half wish she will be out earlier than expected. Seriously, I cannot remember feeling this much of discomfort with Rye Li at such an early stage. I really loved Rye Li’s movements in my tummy as she was gentle, hardly any ‘shocks’, only towards the end. I’m just regretting on what I’ve said earlier on how much I miss the baby movements in my tummy when I found out I was pregnant months back!

The way Baby H moves, I’m very worried that she will be a big baby. I had my check-up on Saturday and my Obgyn said that it’s normal for our tummies to be extra sensitive to Baby’s movements second time onwards. Funny though, I would have thought it should be the other way round since our tummies were stretched the first time and hence, should be less sensitive. Go figure!

Anyway, yours truly has so far put on 12kgs….nice. Stay like this and I should not put on as much as I did before with Rye Li. But still, my bum looks really big and so do my arms. Of course, the tummy too coz I really feel Baby H is big! I still have another 9 weeks or so to go and the way I’ve been eating…tsk tsk tsk!

I’ve bought some baby stuff over the long weekend and I should start doing her laundry in the weeks to come. I only need to clear out Rye Li’s clothes to her new drawers we got her to make space for Baby H’s stuff. My maid is pretty free at times (my condo isn’t that big) and even asked me whether she can start washing Baby H’s stuff 2 weeks back but I said I need to get some baby’s detergent first.

Anyway, my maid should have more work to do soon since she will need to help out more at the day care (the maid there is leaving) in terms of housework and also I would want her to cook for us over weekends once whoever (either hubby/me/Aunty Ng/in-laws) teaches her. A lot of people have been telling me that I’m under utilizing my maid. I’m also slowly letting her handle Rye Li wherever she can like when the girl wants to pee (we still have to keep an eye on her when she goes to her potty although she managed to pee on her own without informing us many times but someone just got to make sure she washes her hand!) or play with her (this is because Rye Li asked for it at times and I let them be, if the maid has done her work) but overall, the girl still prefers me. I will next let her start to pack Rye Li’s stuff for the day care and also when we go out (like preparing her milk powder, bottle and hot water) – I didn’t teach her this initially as I don’t trust her from a hygienic point of view. She still needs to gain my trust in terms of this area (I caught her with several bad habits like picking her teeth with the same toothpick kept in her room and picking at her hair – squatting and face down with fingers picking at her as if she’s got hair lice which I know she doesn’t as all of us would have gotten it by now). This is also one of the reasons why I have not gotten her to cook for us yet. I have loads more to say about the maid but since my time is precious on blogging, I’d rather not waste my time on her – she is overall alright but at times can get on my nerves. J

Back to my pregnancy, my checkups are now every 2 weeks and I have yet to talk to my Obgyn about the delivery plans. I have loads of questions to ask especially about my apparent high blood pressure when I was delivering Rye Li. I only knew this 6 weeks after I’ve delivered Rye Li. Interestingly, during her pregnancy and after she came out, I don’t have any problems with my blood pressure. Even now, during this pregnancy, I also don’t have any problems which I’m jumping to conclusion that my blood pressure could have shot up then due to the pain I was going through or rather, the fear of the pain that I was going through then. This reminds me that I need to finish my birth story with Rye Li – it is kinda funny now thinking back although I know it won’t be funny going through the pain again this time!

Anyway, my Obgyn told me then that if I were to have a high BP second time round delivering means I would need to take caution should I go for my third child. I need to remind him this again in my next visit as I feel if it was really due to my fear of pain, I will tell him in advance this time that by hook or crook, I want the darn epidural! I didn’t get this the first time round as I dilated too fast! I know I can save heaps of money not using the epidural and the fact that if I could last the pain first time round means I can last the pain second time round too but heck, it’s my body and I do whatever pleases me. Too bad there are only 2 ways to get a baby out of you and both ways also scare the jeepers out of me. Sigh!

Funny eh, you would think an experienced mom would think lesser of delivering the baby second time round but not me man! I remember having so many weird dreams in my first trimester about giving birth and I always wake up thinking “That’s it, I know I want epidural upfront this time!” …I am paranoid about the pain. When I tell people about my fear, some asked me to opt of C-sect instead since it’s faster and less hassle. I’m scared of surgery la…and I don’t think I can be awake knowing I’m being cut up and I want to be awake when my baby comes out to this world. Only 2 things now will make me go for a C-sect and that is if she’s breached and the other is if she’s really huge like over 3.5kgs kind of huge! Let’s pray she’s not huge and not breached. :)

Time passes by real fast when you're busy

2008-08-24T05:21:00.000-07:00

Time passes by so fast and as much as I want to blog my updates as well as for Rye Li’s, I also don’t have the luxury for this anymore. Work has been busy, no time even for facebook. ;) And time is ticking really quick, I’m about 30 weeks now and another 10 weeks to go, maybe lesser, maybe more. I’m going to briefly summarize what went by in the last several weeks :-

- the day I turned 28 weeks (beginning of my 3rd trimester) nearly 2 weeks ago, baby H (yes, she is now known as baby H) had hiccups for the first time. She’s kinda slow in this compared to Rye Li’s, Rye Li was hiccupping in the 2nd trimester all the way to the end and at times as many as 3 – 4 times a day.

- in my last visit to my Obgyn earlier this month, I’ve put on in total 10kgs so far. Also, I had my ATT (anti tetanus something) jab, which is for the baby and it was darn painful but I had to pretend that it wasn’t painful as Rye Li was watching me the whole time. I had to tell her while in pain that I’m not scared of jabs and that I’m not crying – something she does when she gets jabs. My next visit will be next Saturday and thereafter, it will be every 2 weeks and soon it will be every week till Baby H comes out.

- I still feel good being in my third trimester, at times I feel I have so much energy and that I don’t feel pregnant at all; even skipping and running around. I will get comments from my colleagues reminding me I’m pregnant. I got a feeling that this energy will run out soon.

- taking advantage of this energy, we went up Cameron highlands 2 weeks back for the weekend, only we encountered some bad luck there. Firstly, the maid and the girl had a cold and cough. The maid’s first time ever in a cold place and Rye Li was already sniffling at the daycare when I picked her up. Secondly, Hubby’s car broke down on our third day there and also the electricity in my dad’s apartment was out due to a fuse on the same day. Hubby decided to follow our friend back to KL that day to bring up my car and also the spare part for his car the next day. But I made sure our electricity was up and running before they left. We had to call TNB to come and fix the fuse box and it was a Sunday too. Luckily they did if not, we all have to squeeze into our friend’s car back to KL.

So that night, the girl, the maid and I were left on our own in my dad’s apartment in our last night at Cameron’s. Hubby was worried the whole night thinking all these could be a sign of bad omen for us to leave together. So, he couldn’t sleep well that night when he was in KL. My family was also worried about us and didn’t like the idea of me driving back to KL while hubby will drive his car back the next day. I guess I don’t blame them, I mean a 7 months pregnant woman with a sick child and a sick maid stranded in Cameron’s. But my consolation was that if any emergency were to occur, I got my uncle nearby to call out to. Anyway, all turned out well and we had to wait for hubby’s car to get fixed the next day before leaving for KL late evening the next day. My first time driving back from Cameron’s to KL. I was just dead tired after that, having to go back to work immediately. This would be my last holiday (and we didn’t even do anything in Camerons!) before Baby H comes out.

- Rye Li has been tremendously emotional and demanding lately. Probably part of terrible two’s as well as the fact that Baby H is coming. With hubby travelling a lot for work lately, I’m getting the brunt of this phase she is going through. I guess it is due to the fact that hubby plays a lot with her when he is around that when he is away for work, she really misses him like mad. I can’t exactly tell hubby not to play with her right so I just have to deal with her whines and cries of “I miss my papa” and it does get on my nerves as she can say this a million times in a day as if it is my fault that her papa is not around.

The worst was last weekend where she cried and cried when hubby left. I’m not sure whether she was seeking attention after that or was it for real but she complaint her ‘hoo-haa’ (we call it pot-pot) was painful and the way she acted with real tears and screams while holding on to down there also panicked me big time. Anyway, she didn’t show any symptoms of urinary tract infection nor had there been any rashes in that area but because she acted like this 3 times after that till night time, I was thinking perhaps she may had urinary tract infection. Other than the non-symptoms, why I had my doubts was when I got desperate while she was screaming and crying in pain, I told her that I’m going to take her to the hospital there and then to get her checked out and she replied “so dark outside”. So I really psyched her by cleaning that area with wet cotton balls and applied heaps of nappy rash cream and told her that if it is still painful when she pees, we’re going to see her doctor the next morning. Later on, she had the cheek to tell me that it is not painful when she peed in her diaper. And the same for the next morning too. And till now, she will tell me that her “pot-pot not pain ady (already)”.

Hubby was away for 5 nights and this girl got clingy to me. I’m grateful that the maid is around to do the house stuff while I get the time to be with the girl. But she wants me to sit with her while she watches tv too. She will not let me go and have my shower while she watches tv and when I asked her why, she replied “because I (am) alone”. So my daily weekly routine when hubby is away is:

Once we get home after picking her up from the day care, I’ll switch on her cartoon channel while I grab something to eat and will sit with her throughout. Once she’s done with her Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Art Time, she will switch off the tv and I’ll shower her and get her ready for bed. When she’s done, I will turn on her Barney DVD in my room and she will watch it there while I have my shower. Once I’m done and she’s done with her show, we will call hubby to talk and say good night; depending on her mood, she will be responsive to her papa, if not she will be whiny and sad or she will just ignore her papa as she will be tired already. After that, if she’s not tired, we will either read a book or will sing some songs and then it is slumberland. If I’m lucky, she’s asleep by 10pm, if I’m not, perhaps by 10-30pm or later. She gets up anywhere in between 7-8am daily. And yes, she still gets up for milk at times, perhaps 2-3 times in a week. I don’t mind this as she is still petite (only 11.5kgs) and also I’ll be hit with a newborn soon.

- I’m not prepared for Baby H’s arrival yet and I will only start shopping for some stuff next weekend since it’s a long weekend and also I want to use up some vouchers, which I’ve saved for her. The following weeks after that, I will need to wash all the baby clothes and stuff. So many things I need to do and so little time. I’m wondering when should I pack my hospital bag since I only got to this at 36 weeks with Rye Li and that also was half-packed when she came out a week later at 37 weeks. So learning from this, I will do this also in the next few weeks in case Baby H also comes out early.

And I’ve no idea what to get as a present for Rye Li from Baby H. Hubby wants to get her a bicycle but how in the earth am I going to wrap that and bring along with me to the hospital?!!! I need something smaller and definitely something she will like and want to play with.

I also have no idea what to do with the maid and Rye Li when I go into labour – I’m praying that Baby H comes out day time so I don’t have to be worried about the girl. She still needs me at nights and if I’m giving birth in the middle of the night, I need hubby to be around. I won’t get him to stay with me this time at the hospital at nights as I want him to be with Rye Li.

So many things to think about and I also pray that hubby is around when I go into labour so a message to Baby H; please come out anytime from 38 – 40 weeks ok and during day time too! And oh yea, don’t cause so much pain and come out real fast! I promise you that you will get a nice present after that! :D

About my big tummy again

2008-08-03T02:45:00.000-07:00

I never had this thought with Rye Li and I'm not sure why I'm being so obsessed with my tummy now (other than the weight).

Lately, since Baby 2 is moving so aggressively, I like to lift my shirt up and bare my tummy to see if I can catch the movements or not. This is usually done at nights after my shower. I will leave it like that for some time and seriously, I feel nice and comfy baring and airing my tummy like that.

With the hot weather lately, it feels even more comforting to do that and now I'm wondering is this how all the Ah Pek chinaman (Chinese old men) feels like after a heavy meal whereby they will lift their shirt up to bare their big tummies?! I know you still can see this sight at some kopitiams here, okay, maybe in old towns and definitely in some homes now. But the last I saw this sight was in Penang town years back!

I must get hubby to do this with me and see if he feels the same. ;)

60 days maternity leave is NOT a holiday!

2008-08-02T22:44:00.000-07:00

While I was pregnant with Rye Li, I used to get comments that my 2 months (not even 2 months, it’s 60 days!) maternity is like a holiday for me whereby I will get to rest and most importantly, I’m away from office and don’t have to work that 2 months. At that time, I didn’t really gave two hoots about those comments as I didn’t know what to expect being it my first time.

However, after I came back from my maternity leave then and still had those comments coming my way, I really gave that person my 2 cents worth, okay, maybe more than 2 cents! Along the way, when I still hear this kind of comments, I will voice out my disagreement.

Now that I’m pregnant the second time and still get this kind of comments, I will get so worked up and that person will also get a piece of my mind on this statement.

So, I’m repeating this….60 days maternity leave is NOT a holiday at all!!!!

And the following are the reasons why:-

1) After tremendous stress and pain of having a baby coming out of you, you’re immediately thrown into the lion’s cage. Okay, not exactly that bad (perhaps worst) but you’re faced with a crying and demanding baby that totally disrupt what you considered a normal like before baby came along.

2) You definitely don’t get enough sleep anymore – those back at the office that still have to work 9-6pm get more sleep that you do in that 60 days!

3) The one month (some will have 40 – 44 days) confinement feels like you’re serving time in a prison as you’re not allowed to get out of the house (although I cheated a few times, I still felt like a prisoner!)

4) I’m suppose to be resting and sleeping most of the time but tell me this, how can I when my breasts get engorged every 2-3 hours or so, have a crying baby that needs to be fed or diapers changed every 2-3 hours or so, have to express my milk after my baby gets direct feeding (as she doesn’t drink much and also I need to make sure the flow gets going for more milk later), have my MIL to remind me that I need to eat my breakfast/lunch/dinner when I finally get to catch up with my 40 winks, and also I still receive calls from office now and then (very minimal though). [I didn’t have a Confinement Lady with Rye Li and although my MIL was helping me, I looked after the girl at nights with some help from hubby when he wasn’t traveling].

5) Due to the lack of sleep and rest, and the after effects of childbirth, your body does not feel the same anymore. In fact, you do get the aches and pains especially in the first week. If you’re lucky, it will go away fast but if you’re unlucky, it will remain for some time. I was unfortunate to have my right leg affected by the huge amount of weight that I put on during my pregnancy with Rye Li and hence, I still suffered for nearly a month after she came out. Even my urut (malay: massage) lady was surprise by this as it was a nerve thingy and not a bone. Whenever she massaged that area, on reflex, my leg will come up and I will be in pain. I’m praying that I don’t get this again this time.

6) During the confinement month, there are a lot of taboos that you need to follow. For me, although my MIL wasn’t strict (and even if she is, knowing me, I won’t be so bothered), I still need to follow certain things accordingly. Of course, I didn’t stand long enough till 30 days to wash my hair. In fact after 8 days of not washing my hair, I had enough and told my MIL that I really have to wash my hair. She wanted me to wait till 12 days but I told her I cannot stand the dirt and itch anymore and she was nice enough to boil the herbs for me to wash my hair with.

Being it my first time, I wished that I washed my hair normally behind her back! That wash and bath was the hottest I ever had in my life! I was sweating profusely throughout the wash and also way after that. I didn’t really feel that cleaned after that although I did wash my hair. After this, I washed my hair weekly with the same routine (I cheated once normally when Rye Li was admitted to the hospital for high fever at 20 days old and I stayed with her there for 2 nights). So all in all, I washed my hair 5 times during that 30 days! But I did shower everyday – mostly without my MIL knowing but she did catch me a few times and told my hubby that I shouldn’t be touching water at all (yea right!).

7) With no intentions to disrespect my in-laws, that 1 month or so was the longest time I have ever stayed with them. Thankfully, the confinement was done in my house so at least I’m familiar with my surroundings. However, it also took me a while to adjust having them over in that 1 month. Before that, they have stayed over at my place whenever they came down from Penang but the most for over a week. I’m grateful and thankful that I had my MIL to look after me during the confinement period. However, with a new baby and a new routine, I have to admit that I did feel like a stranger in my house that month. There were times I wished that I was back home in my own family house – it was also a time where I missed my mom so badly! :) …my mom did come over now and then and I always resisted to shout out to her whether she could stay with me!

Alright, I’ll admit that I did get some relaxation of some sorts before I went back to office because I made myself to. Rye Li went to the day care at 1 and a half months so I also took the opportunity in that 10 days or so to do some errands like opening a bank account for her (she had some ang pow money for her full moon and also CNY after that). I also went for a spa as my body needed some relaxation so badly. But I can tell you, while doing my errands, it wasn’t like I had the whole day to myself. I had to work around my pumping schedule so that the girl gets enough milk as well as I didn’t suffer from the engorgement. Also, I had to do some light housework and made sure all this were done before I had to pick the girl up again from the day care and I remember that I mostly had her to myself as hubby was already traveling for work every week.

Now, with the second maternity leave coming up, one would think that it would be a breeze for me. Nope, I doubt so as I also have a toddler to deal with other than a baby and I’m not looking forward to a demanding toddler and a baby at the same time for my attention while my body is going through so many changes. Wish me luck!

60 days is definitely not enough to recuperate and whoever recommended the 60 days maternity leave here sucks big time. There were plans to have this move up to 90 days 2 years back but it never materialized. I feel even at 90 days, it is not enough but heck, anything more than 60 days is definitely welcome anytime.

So, ladies and gentlemen, if you ever come across my path, please do not mention that I got 2 months holiday soon or ever for that matter! With loads of hormones gushing through my body now, you better make the effort to make me laugh rather than to make me mad. ;)

Having a big tummy

2008-07-28T19:49:00.001-07:00

Having a big tummy means I need to be extra careful as I'm not used to having a tummy that sticks way out from my body. Poor baby 2 (or is it me?!) because I've accidentally bumped my tummy into places now and then. I can't help it as I'm not use to my tummy being so big! But the little accidents so far wasn't painful - nonetheless I have to keep reminding myself that I can't squeeze into narrow spaces anymore!

Even with Rye Li, I did knock my tummy here and there but the worst was when I accidentally slammed the toilet door on my tummy. This was when I was about 6 months as well and boy, did it hurt like hell! I was so worried for Rye Li then but when I read up in books and the net, they said that I'm more likely to feel the pain that the baby since they're confined and protected in the waterbag.

I'm trying to be very careful now but I still forget at times. I even asked hubby how he manages with a big tummy (he has one since the day I met him, maybe bigger now!) and he just add that he's not as clumsy as me! :p ....I guess he's just used to having one.

Pregnancy Updates

2008-07-27T06:10:00.001-07:00

I’m nearly 6 & a half months and I feel my tummy is big! Definitely bigger compared to Rye Li’s time and I’m wondering whether it is just fat or Baby 2 is big. I sure hope it’s the fat as the thought of having a big baby scares me – all Rye Li’s fault as she came out so small at 2.3kgs/5 pounds! Hehe, ok, maybe it was my fault but heck, I put on 21 kgs then la…so why was Rye Li so small?!

I’m trying to get Rye Li’s birth story up in case I will forget hers when Baby 2 comes. I still remember so clearly everything of Rye Li’s birth (and they say you do tend to forget the pain and all but not with me yet…perhaps after having another baby). I have started it in draft but I’m not even halfway of it…hope to have this up soon.

Baby 2 is pretty aggressive in my tummy, making her cher-cher (Chinese: elder sister) seemed so gentle as Rye Li’s movements then only became uncomfortable towards the end of the last trimester. Now I’m wondering does this mean Baby 2 will be more aggressive than her cher-cher too?! In Rye Li’ s second trimester, she mostly gave me gentle kicks but Baby 2 gives me more than just kicks! She really wiggles in there and not only is it ticklish but it can be painful at times, more like an electronic bolt. I’m wondering what it would be like when I hit my third trimester.

My appetite is way too good now. I can eat pretty much anything unlike the first 4 months which is kind off bad in a way as I feel I’m also putting on weight fast. My next checkup is next Saturday and I’m also curious…hehe. I just hope I didn’t put on as much as I did the last visit. I put on a whole lot during my second trimester with Rye Li too.

I’m craving for durians (which I totally dislike during the first trimester) but have to resist not so much for the pregnancy but because of Rye Li. She’s still coughing and she loves durian too so we can’t buy any home just yet. I was tempted to go eat with hubby over the weekend outside but we had too many plans to do just that, looks like I have to wait till the girl gets better.

Sleeping patterns are weird, I am tired but I can’t seem to sleep much. It takes me awhile to sleep and when I do, I need to get up and pee and hence, it takes me awhile to fall asleep again. And my dreams are getting weird as usual, can be about anything and everything. It is interesting that it mostly relates to my thoughts that I had during the day – I had a few weird dreams about my maid too!

As for nesting syndrome, haven’t exactly prepared ourselves for Baby 2’s arrival just as yet. We only just got some drawers and bookshelves for Rye Li’s room as I need to make way for her old plastic drawers for Baby 2’s clothes. Will start to do the washing of her clothes and the rest (preparation for her baby cot) when I reach 8 months. I just realized by having kids, the items you have in the house just grow along with them. I can’t believe the amount of clothes, books, toys and furniture that I’ve accumulated by just having Rye Li. And here I thought all this while that I would like my home to be as plain as possible so that housework would be a breeze. Unfortunately, this is not the case as I have full of obstacles (okay, some are our stuff too) around the house.

What have I gotten myself into! :)

Having a maid so far....

2008-07-24T23:34:00.000-07:00

As much as I’ve said before that I do like my maid, she has her imperfections as well and at the same time, I’m trying my best to get use to a stranger staying in my house.

She’s been with us for nearly 3 weeks now and I do notice her flaws here and there. It doesn’t bother me big time as she does the basic stuff but I’m aware that I need to remind her now and then to do it this way or that way when I feel she’s not doing things right.

She washes up our used plates, cups, utensils etc and will put them back into the kitchen cupboard where they belong but there are some stuff that she will leave behind like the plastic containers and other type of bowls that were left there before she came along. I’m guessing that she doesn’t know where to put these plastic containers and so I told her that she can keep them in another place in the kitchen and that she can also arranged them nicely (as I’ve neglected this spot for a long time since it needs me to stand on a stool).

She sweeps and mops the floor everyday and yet I found some spots to be uncleaned and started doubting whether she does this everyday or not (she wakes up earlier than we do). I know for sure that there’s this corner she had missed, as the dirt was visible and I wanted her to mop my living room again. She told me that morning that she had already mopped the floor and then I asked her why that corner was still dirty and she apologized and said that she was scared to clean that corner as there were full of things (extension cords with some electrical items). I told her that she could always move them one side to clean the corner as well as to clean behind my TV stand. I didn’t make her do it there and then and told her that she can do it the next morning before we leave the house to the day care.

She also cleans my toilets twice over the weekend but I found some fungus stains still left behind on the floor and also noticed that she didn’t touch my sink at all. And so I had to teach her the basic again, so I showed her that the fungus stains can be removed and told her that she can clean my sink by removing my things on them and then put it back again. I hope she gets the message this time.

I know I may sound too picky and that I hardly clean my house before she came along but the times when I do, I made sure that these things are thoroughly cleaned as well. Before she came along, I had my sister’s maid to come over every two weeks to clean my house and I didn’t have to tell her what to do, she knew what to do. And I guess I too took this for granted and expected my maid to do the same as I got my sister’s maid to train her the day I got her into my place.

She knows how to use my washing machine and in the first week she was with us, she washes my stuff all the time, whether it was a full load or not. I guess she mistook the fact that we wash Rye Li’s stuff on half-load basis as we have done this all the time since the girl started going to the day care, and think it is the same for the rest of my washable items too. She even started washing blankets one at a time. Since then I told her not to wash until it is a full load unless it is Rye Li’s clothes during the week and now I will still remind her just so she gets the message.

Several nights ago, I got a shocked of my life when my maid started blowing her nose by using her t-shirt (at the collar part) like it’s a normal thing to do (maybe it is at her hometown). I told her that she can always use the tissue and not to do that anymore as it is not a right thing to do here. I also asked if she’s ill and she said no, only a cold. No fever or cough. I reminded her not to touch the kids or go near the kids at the day care. She probably got the cold from Rye Li as well as the other kids from the day care. I also told her that if she doesn’t feel well, she needs to tell me so that I can take her to the doctor’s and that I will let her rest instead of doing work. When I passed her a box of tissue to put in her room and also some to take to the day care the next day, she took one piece and started blowing her nose and kept it in her pocket. I immediately told her to please throw it away and that she can only use tissue once. And all this time, I didn’t yell at her or scold her but told her in a nice, firmed manner. But I had to repeat myself just to make sure she understood.

The next morning, I reminded her again and told her that I will get her some medication. That evening, I explained to her why was I so particular about hygiene and also said that I realized she comes from a kampong (malay: village) area and that she may be used to the habits there but it is very different here in KL. I further explained to her but I’m not sure whether she understood me or not. But whatever it is, I also realized that I need to remind her constantly whether I like it or not so she will remember these things.

The girl has grown attached to the maid although she still wants me most of the times. I have to admit there were times whereby she prefers the maid, like bringing her down from the car, which kind of gets to me – probably cause I’m so used to always being there for the girl. But I didn’t show any of this to the maid and let them be, as I also need to learn to let go when it comes to handling Rye Li 100%. Of course, the maid hasn’t been taking care of Rye Li and she is not even allowed to at the day care – I was told by Aunty Ng that the first few days there, she was always tending to Rye Li which Aunty Ng told her not to. But even so, I can see the maid tries her best to please Rye Li in any way she can since day one. We do let her but when we feel she’s being too much like pampering Rye Li (wearing her shoes, picking up after her or teaching her the wrong things), we will butt in.

In the second week the maid was here, the girl wanted to stay at home alone with the maid when hubby and I wanted to go out for dinner. We were caught off guard by this but let her stayed back with the maid. We went to our condo’s swimming pool’s café for dinner instead of driving out (we were supposed to drive out for dinner) to be on the safe side as I still haven’t exactly gained full trust on my maid yet and of course, I didn’t leave the house keys behind. We were out for less than an hour and I was curious whether the girl would cry for us but when we got back, the girl was watching her TV and the maid was playing with her Legos. Since then, we have yet to leave the girl alone with the maid although I know Rye Li would be alright with her. A number of my friends say that this is a good sign so hubby and I can have “our time” now but wait-la, when I know I can trust the maid fully. It is still too soon!

An update on what the agent has got to say to our earlier request; they came back saying that they will agree on certain basis, one of which is that if we replace the maid on a medical unfit term, it has got to do with lungs and nothing else. So to cut things short, we got our request. At least I don’t have to go through another headache with dealing with a new maid or that I don’t have to deal with the agent till the time comes. Let’s pray that my maid’s x-ray will come out fine in December. As for now, I’m still adjusting to having a stranger in my house. I really salute to those who welcome their maids openly and letting them take care of their children immediately alone without any other family on hand. I don’t think I can as yet or ever will.

Ok, this is long enough about my maid, I need to update on my pregnancy soon as I’ve been neglecting this part. ;)

Our decision

2008-07-16T05:57:00.000-07:00

Thanks so much to all for the responses (via blog as well as msn) to my previous post on my dilemma. We have made up our minds.

Hubby took our maid’s x-ray and report to another doctor on Monday for a second opinion and she said that she didn’t see anything wrong with our maid’s x-ray. If we want to be on the safe side, perhaps to bring the maid in for another x-ray test in 6 months time. She also said things to look out for in our maid’s health, whether she is eating well or falling sick easily.

Thus, we both felt that we should maintain the maid but seek a request from the agent to extend the 100% replacement guarantee within a year instead incase the report comes out unfavourable by year end.

Hubby was at the agent before he went to seek for a second opinion from the doctor at Kelana Medical Centre and he reported what he saw while waiting to talk to that B (I’ve termed the lady this and no prize for you if you know which B-word I’m referring to! LOL). He said if I were there, I wouldn’t want to have a maid ever. There were so many people bringing in their maids to complaint and the agent reps there are just so cold and rude to the maids and yes, to the people at times too. He felt that these agent reps must be so used to the negative feedbacks that they have become just so cold!

He also told me that the B made a comment about how their clients think they know everything just because they helped them to get a maid. Oh DUH! Who else can we consult then if not the agent? I mean we pay them for a service and we expect such service - mind you, this agent is one of the expensive ones out there and I just feel that I’m being so cheated from the kind of service I’m getting from them! To make matters worst, I know at least 2 people who also got such lousy service from them already. And I’m aware whether I like it or not, I’m stuck with this agent until I’m done with this maid.

When we picked the maid up the first time, B was very rude to our maid, acting as if she’s the boss, telling her what to do and all in front of us. I was wondering at that time, whether it was all a show to impress us but really, I was so disgusted. I am a working person and if my boss acts that way to me, I will definitely ask my boss to go fly kite! We are individuals who deserve respect no matter where you come from. And if you want respect in return, you better start giving as well too. Anyway, I was just so glad that Rye Li didn’t come along with us that day or else she would think it’s alright to shout to the maid too.

I’m letting hubby do all the communication with this B now since I feel she responds better to men and I don’t want to be worked up over her rude behaviour. We wrote in already requesting for this extension and I’m waiting to see what kind of response I’m getting from them. If they want to be cocky with us, then perhaps we just have to get a replacement now.

Hubby and I felt that we should give our maid a chance to work since the doctor’s comment seems somewhat favourable. And like what some of you have also commented, who knows, if I do return the maid, the agent would probably recycle her as I feel the maid would still want to earn a living in her condition.

She doesn’t know yet of her condition and we feel that we should not let her know until it is serious. She has proven to us she is also somewhat worthy to keep although we are aware that we only had her for like 12 days so far. Her personality has started to show and it is through Rye Li – she only opens up to the girl. She plays and sings to Rye Li. She also talks to Rye Li although the girl don’t understand her most of the time. I’m giving her another month before she can speak the lingo with the maid. She has already picked up some words and so has the maid. The maid works hard in getting Rye Li’s attention. Depending on the girl’s mood, she will play along or she will treat the maid rudely at times which we will scold her for. We want to make it clear to Rye Li that she needs to respect the maid no matter what. I also feel that in time when Rye Li realizes how the maid will spoil her, she will go to her eventually but I will try my best to intervene when this happens. Already, the maid will pick up after the girl on her toys which hubby and I told the maid not to.

Three nights ago, the girl started acting up again and the maid was already asleep. Hubby and I let her be to cry on herself and after like 15 mins or so with her crying, the maid came out and wanted to carry Rye Li but the girl didn’t let her. Hubby was impressed with this as it shows that she cared. This is why I feel that in time, the girl will realize how the maid will give in to her needs and she will most likely team up with her.

Only thing that gets to me so far on the maid is she mostly answer yes to everything I ask her, even when I ask her what she wants to eat or whether she wants to cook. Because she doesn’t give me her opinions, I takeaway or cook whatever I want. At least she finishes everything we give her to eat and I like this. You may say she doesn’t understand me but I feel she does. On the first day, I asked if she can speak English and she said she doesn’t, only know the words yes, no, sir and madam. But in the days to come after that, I hear her speaking to Rye Li in some English words and also humming some nursery songs. I’m guessing she picked them up from the daycare or from the shows Rye Li watches or when Rye Li and I sing or from our conversations.

She’s also too efficient in some ways – she can’t sit still, always cleaning. The first few days, I made this comment to hubby and he asked me to ask her to do less but I said to wait first, let her get used to the routine. Then when I told my friends about this, they said not to as from their experiences, the maids were always hardworking the first few months and then they tend to slack eventually. She even irons Rye Li’s clothes and my bed sheets and pillow cases – something I have never done before! I don’t know if this is a show or this is exactly her style but as far as I’m concerned, as long as she don’t step on our heads, I’m fine.

We are still trying to get use to a maid in the house and we’re still learning. Now, I hope to get a favourable response from the agent.

With all the maid agents’ problem I’m hearing lately through friends as well as blogger moms, I’m thinking we should start some kind of an online community to have recycled maids (the good ones). Why I’m suggesting this is that I had two offers of recycled maids after I have already applied for one at my agent. One was a friend’s sister of my sister’s maid who wants to work here and another was my sister’s mother-in-law’s friend who doesn’t need her second maid anymore and was asking around. Too bad they couldn’t find a home for her so they had to send her back. It seemed that she was a good maid too. With the network we can build online, we can teach these agents a lesson of the kind of lousy service they’re giving us! And with this way, we can also save a couple of thousands as well. Only thing is we may need to take some days off to run around the immigration for application and all. Anyone wants to do this? I’ll be happy to help!

Dilemma

2008-07-12T02:27:00.000-07:00

Our maid has been with us since last Saturday and she has so far been quite all right. In fact, we like her, even the girl. For someone with no previous experience, she is a fast learner and it could be also that hubby and I are not fussy with how our house is cleaned (we both have never ever had a maid in our lives before). As long as the basic stuff is done, we’re happy.

I love the fact that our floors are cleaned everyday and our feet can really tell the difference. Even hubby commented on this…goes to show how often I cleaned my floor before this! ;)

When we picked her up last Saturday, we took her for a blood and urine test at the lab and then we took her for an x-ray test at a clinic. I managed to find a lab that can give the results within 3 hours but the x-ray will take at least 3 working days. Thankfully, the blood and urine test came back normal.

So the maid has been following the girl to the day care this week.

Today, I went to pick up her x-ray ( we didn’t have time during the week) only to find out she has some kind of defect in her lungs. Nothing that is contagious (Thank God!) but something that may or may not affect her health in the long run. The doctor advise that since we can still replace her with the agent, we might as well do so as if her health is affected after 6 months, the agent will not be responsible in replacing the maid then.

I asked the doctor why would FOMEMA release her if she has this and she said that if she only saw the x-ray without the report, she would also think that there’s nothing wrong with her lungs. She said that my maid can become breathless at times in this condition and whatever she has may affect her overall health.

I also asked the doctor if this result wasn’t my maid’s and it was mine, what would she advise me. She said that she would ask me to rest and just see what other symptoms I will have along the way before doing any further test.

I spoke to the lady at the agent and I seriously dislike her. When we picked the maid up last week, she was plain rude as she answered a call while briefing us the paperwork. I’m okay with this but the fact that she was even rude to the other lady on the call (the lady wants to return her new maid as the medical check up she had for her the maid didn’t come back good) made it worst. She left the phone on it’s own and talked back to us and then got back to the woman rudely. When we left, I told hubby that I hope we don’t have to deal with her anymore but I had to today.

I told her what happened and this is what she has to say “If you get another one, it doesn’t guarantee you that her health is okay after 6 months also as anything can happened”. So I said that is right but the fact that I know my maid’s health now upfront, I can do something about it. So she went on that it is my decision to make and that if I want a replacement, I don’t have to go through this entire story. What a cocky woman this one!

So I asked her has she gone through this situation before and she said not to this extreme and said I can write in with my maid’s medical report and ask for some kind of guarantee after 6 months but said maybe they will allow for a year but definitely not 2 years. She also said that I can do a replacement but will have to wait the usual 2-3 months for one and I will have to pay additional RM200 for the FOMEMA medical and the salary of the current maid to whatever period that she has been with us. I didn’t want to talk to her anymore and said I will discuss with hubby and get back to her.

Hubby said we should get a second opinion on our maid’s x-ray and also find out to what extent the personal insurance we got for the maid through the agent will cover her before we decide to send her back. I am thinking if we have to send the maid back, whether we can get a refund from the agent and if yes, I am willing to wait another 3 months for a new maid with another agent. Yes, it will be closer to my due date then but I am willing to wait if this rude woman at the agent is pissing me off big time.

I’m sad with the fact that I may have to terminate this maid. But I have to be selfish here. I also told hubby that if really she has this health problem that may shorten her life, I feel she should go home and spend some time with her family instead of working for money. I haven’t told her about the results yet (in case she will run away) but I will let her know when I have to return her to the agent and I just hope the agent will not recycle her.

It is just our luck that we got this horrible lady at the agent as well as an “unhealthy maid” too. I will update again on our decision later, we need to seek another doctor’s advice first.

What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Presenting mummy Daisy Duck!

2008-07-07T19:03:00.000-07:00

I've been asked several times where's my preggy pictures - well, if you're getting fat fast, the last thing on your mind is to take pictures la. But I managed to, just to remind myself later how fat I got with Baby 2. ;)

Below was taken on my birthday (by the way, thank you so much for all the wishes and sorry if I couldn't response to you).

See what I mean by Daisy Duck, not just my front is sticking out (I meant my tummy!) but my bum-bum too!

I prefer this shot since you can't exactly see my big butt here. ;)

I'll be 6 months as at next Tuesday and I realized that I have another 16 more weeks to go. So fast the time has passed and when I think of this, I feel I'm not ready yet. There is still so much to do in preparation for Baby 2's arrival and I havent actually planned it out. As much as I can't wait to see Baby 2, I'm also scared! I need to psyche myself to take things easy with one thing at a time.

My two girls!

2008-07-05T23:14:00.000-07:00

It’s another Rye Li! Ok, not a Rye Li but it’s a girl and hence, my wish for another girl is fulfilled! After my checkup, I told hubby that we can ‘close shop’ and he said “what’s wrong with 3 girls!”. LOL.

We went for my checkup earlier than scheduled since Rye Li wasn’t feeling well and we brought her in to see her doc (got news to update here but have done so at her blog) in the morning and since I’m out, I might as well take a medical leave for the day (but I had to go back to office in the afternoon as I had loads to do). Thus, after dropping the girl off at the daycare, hubby and I went to my Obgyn. Also, since I had the maid to pickup this Saturday, I might as well get this checkup done with so I’m not so tied up then.

I was wrong in my previous update that I’d probably put on 5-6kgs so far as I’ve actually put on 8kgs! This means I’ve put on 4kgs in 3 weeks. Yikes. I was 8kgs at 5 months with Rye Li and now I am the same weight with Baby 2 too at 5 and half months so I guess I’m going to put on just as much. Sob sob! So much for that 1kg I lost when I had the fever 4 weeks back. Must be those pasta and cheese I’ve been eating!

This birthday (yes it was my birthday that day) was the saddest birthday in my life and the only consolation I had was that I found the gender of Baby 2 finally and that it ended with a nice birthday dinner with hubby and the girl. Why was it sad? That I have explained at Rye Li’s blog, she was the start of it but I’m not blaming her at all.

Back to Baby 2, she is really active for this stage. I could only feel Rye Li’s movements from 20 weeks onwards and that also not very frequent. Baby 2 could be felt before 16 weeks and the last 3 weeks, her movements have gradually increased and I’m only at 22 weeks! I cannot imagine in the months to come.

Rye Li knew that she’s getting a mei-mei (Chinese: little sister) when her papa confirmed with her that evening after picking her up from the daycare. Her papa asked what she wants to name her mei-mei and she answered “Ikea” – I have no clue why. Anyway, I have some names in mind already but I haven’t made up my mind yet. I also bought a pair of baby pajamas for Baby 2 and 2 pairs for mittens and booties that night since we were at the mall and there was a sale. These are for her when she returns home from the hospital. I know she has loads of hand-me-downs from her cher-cher (Chinese: big sister) but you just can’t resist when you see girls stuff! ;)

So, will I go for number 3 at all? And really it’s not that I want a boy but hubby has been saying he wants 3 since he comes from 3 kids in his family and so do I. And he has said many times to me already “What is wrong with 3 girls?!, I don’t mind all girls!” I also don’t mind all girls really!Well, when the Dragon year comes and I’m up to it, I may just will unless accidents happened! ;)

Pregnancy updates

2008-06-28T06:42:00.000-07:00

I'm much better these days compared to the first 4 months. I'm nearly 5 and a half months now. I do get tired now and then but I feel it's way better that it was before so I'm not complaining. Hehe.

But in terms of weight, actually size, I'm amaze at how big my tummy has grown! I think I should have added 5-6kgs now and although this is lesser compared to Rye Li's time, my tummy is really bigger than hers. I'm wondering whether it was my 'left-overs' that is being pushed out or the baby is actually bigger?! I hope it is my left-overs as the thought of having a big baby scares the hell out of me!

Ok, not just my tummy is getting big, so is everything else especially my bum. So I do look like daisy duck at the moment and I still got 4 months plus to go! I will try to get a preggy shot and you do the judging for me but mind you, I will only show the nice shots of course.

Lately, I get a lot of questions on the gender. As much as I want to know, I will only have to wait till next Saturday for my next checkup and I hope that we get to know too. If he/she is like her big sister, we will not know till I'm 6 months plus! So let's hope not yea.

I also get the questions what I want. Well, I don't really care but I know if I get a boy, most likely I will try for another girl. And if I get a girl, I don't think I will be bothered to go for no. 3. Rye Li has too many nice stuff that I would like to have another girl to share these stuff before I ever give them away.

Where my motherly instincts are concerned, I don't think they are accurate at all. I mean initially I thought that Baby 2 may be a boy since I'm experiencing some differences like the weird taste I get in my mouth. Then lately as my tummy grows bigger, its shape is looking very much like my 1st pregnancy so now I'm feeling that it could be a girl too. So this is back to 50-50 again. Not much help huh?!

And Rye Li's prediction? Well, she wanted a ti-ti (little brother) initially and it remained the same the last few months until recently. Now she wants a mei-mei (little sister)as one of her friends at the daycare just had a new mei-mei. Also not much help here. So we shall just see....don't worry, I will immediately post the gender once I know as well. ;) ....stay tuned!

Maid still not here

2008-06-28T06:28:00.000-07:00

It's Saturday and our maid is not here and yes, the medical report is still not out. This is really weird as I remember the agent mentioned it takes 2-3 days last week but now they said it takes 7-10 working days. And we had to call the agent, not the other way round!

So I should be picking the maid up next Saturday which really upsets me as my own checkup is on that day too. It looks like we will be having a hectic Saturday then as now I have to pick the maid up in the morning, rush her to her checkup and then I will have to postpone mine to the afternoon and she will have to tag along with us for my doc's appointment.

And poor Rye Li will also have to tag along for this the whole day! I wanted to leave the girl at the daycare for half day today since they're open as I didn't want her to tag along while we take the maid for her checkups (it will be at 2 places since the one that does the blood and urine test which I can have the results in 3 hours don't do x-ray). But now that the maid is not ready, and the fact that they daycare is closed next Saturday, my plans are all screwed up, no thanks to the darn agent!

The agent better not charge me for the maid being in their hands. I still have yet to pay the maid's upfront 6 months salary to them and I only intend to pay her salary starting July onwards and not June. I feel we're being taken for a ride as I don't have people telling me that their agents sent their maids to them before the medical report is out or that the medical report takes more than 3 days. The lady at the agent sms-ed me to say that it is the norm and I'm really doubting this.

Maid agent nightmare begans

2008-06-22T23:04:00.000-07:00

This post is gonna make me sound like a complainer like how I’ve been with my other posts! LOL…this is not the intention but how can you not be frustrated when your maid agent all of a sudden starts showing its true colours after you have paid them?!!

Last Wednesday, hubby received an sms from the lady at the agent to say that the maid has arrived after medical and that we can collect her on Friday. Hubby was in Shanghai then and called her to say that I will call her the next day to make arrangements.

I called her to find out she was on leave and was given her mobile number. I called her mobile but she didn’t pick up so I text her to tell her that we can’t collect the maid on Friday but Saturday morning instead and to let me know when is a good time to call her. No reply at all till the next morning and that also she text me back to say to confirm the collection time asap so she can make the arrangements. I called her at her mobile, no answer. Called her at the agent, not in yet. And by now I’m getting really irritated. I mean if it’s urgent, why can’t she call me?! So I had to try several times after that at the agent and she was mostly engaged with customers. I happened to call at 1 plus in the afternoon and was told that she was having lunch.

So finally I managed to get hold of her before 3pm on Friday. Told her that we can only come the next morning (Saturday) and she asked what time as she would be busy the whole day (what cheek of her!). I asked her how long will it take since this is our first time and we need to know the “do’s and don’ts” and she replied about 20-30 minutes. So I told we will be there before 10am in the morning. Then I asked her if the maid’s medical report is out yet and she said no. I was shocked and she said she didn’t mention to hubby at all that the report is out and that it will usually take 2-3 days for the report to be out. And then I asked her, “you expect me to bring the maid home first?!”. She then replied that she understands as I have a young kid at home. I told her not only that, the fact I’m pregnant as well and also the maid is to follow Rye Li to her day care on Monday morning and how can I take the risk of sending the maid to the day care?! Think she realized my tone of voice and she quickly added that she will put in my file to wait till the maid is medically fit first before pickup. I told her that I won’t be able to pick her up during the week and that I will pick the maid up the following Saturday only. And she went “no choice-la, we will keep her”.

I was really mad and lucky for her, I managed to maintain my cool but I was bitching away to my friends and family after that about this. I mean isn’t it standard practice for the report to come back first before releasing them to families?!!! I will definitely ask the lady at the agent this when I see her this coming Saturday! Anyway, I also intend to take the maid for another medical check up when I pick her up, only thing is I have to wait a few days for her x-ray results to come back. So at least I will know her blood and urine test results the same day. I hope she is really medically fit, if not, I will definitely bombard the agent more.

Their image was already ruined when I can’t seem to get hold of this lady all the time before this when I wanted to know when my maid will arrive. We submitted the documents for application early May in which she told us that it will be really fast but when I called her towards the end of May, she said our application has not been approved yet! She has the cheek to say that it takes 1 to 1 and a half months for approval! So when I called her up first week of June, she said our application was only approved end of May and now we have to wait 2-3 weeks for the maid to arrive. And now this?!

After this incident, I got a feeling that this is only the beginning of many more headaches to come. I’m really disappointed in this agent as they are not cheap and I thought with the number of years they have been around (15 years) with an ISO cert some more, they are at least professional in handling these things but they have not proofed this so far to me! Anyone else dealing with Philimore who share the same experiences as me?!

In the last 3 weeks

2008-06-13T17:52:00.000-07:00

Over 3 weeks back, just after our Kuantan trip, I had a discharge. One '50 sens' blot of brownish, slight reddish-pinkish discharge. This is like after months of non-spotting so I got kinda worried and went to see my Obgyn. My only consolation is that there were no more after that one time spot. I had an appointment with a client which I cannot cancel so I was late for my appointment with my doc who was kind enough to wait for me. He gave me medication for 10 days again, saying that discharge like this is not common now. Thankfully, baby was fine - doc had to show me the heartbeat from many angles to ensure me that Baby 2 is alright.

Then we were off to Camerons since the girl's daycare is closed for a week last week. I was having backache the whole time and it was tough managing the girl as well in my condition.

After Camerons, we were off to Penang as hubby had to work (i will post on this holiday at the girl's site when I'm up to it). So while hubby was working whole day, I had to look after the girl and by this time, I was really exhausted. My 'hoo-haa' was also feeling sore which got me worried as the last time I had this, I was in my last month with the girl. And to have this now at 4 and half months is not exactly normal.

We came home last Friday night and I was having fever, probably from being exhausted from the whole trip. The fever sent chills right into my bones and I had no choice but to take panadol through the weekend to control the fever to less than 39 degrees. The highest it went was 38.8 over the weekend. I couldn't see my Obgyn on Saturday as it was a public holiday and since this is my first time having fever while being pregnant, I was so tempted to go to ER to do my blood test on Sunday when my fever still didn't go away. Hubby persuaded me to wait till Monday. My appetite was totally gone throughout that weekend and I had to force myself to eat so that I can take the panadol. I have never slept so much before.

Monday morning came, I went to SJMC to do my blood test thinking that my gynae is closed that day. Spent half the morning there waiting for my results and thank god it came back alright, no dengue (which I was worried about). The doctor said it's some viral infection and that my fever should go away, by this time, the fever was subsiding.

I called my Obgyn's clinic to talk to his nurse and found out that he was in so I went in the afternoon to see if Baby 2 is alright. My appointment was supposed to be today. Just my luck that by the time I got there, my Obgyn was delivering 2 babies and so I had to wait and wait. When he got back, he managed to see 2 patients before me and then he ran out again (the 2nd baby wasn't delivered yet) and so I had to wait again. Finally he came back and then it was my turn. After asking me some questions, he checked on Baby 2 and said Baby 2 looked fine. Before I can even ask about the gender, he stopped scanning (and I felt kinda bad coz I was talking to Baby 2 before that to show everything and he/she did but my doc didn't even looked at that part and I guess coz I was more worried about the heartbeat). So my next visit is scheduled in 4 weeks time.

That night, my body started to feel itchy all over and also my joints started to ache all over. Fever has subsided and by this time but it was tough to sleep already (this pregnancy is just like the girl's, I also had difficulty sleeping throughout my pregnancy with her which probably explains why I got sick easily).

Wednesday night, with joints still aching (as if I ran for a marathon), my tummy had rashes after I took my bath but I didn't really think twice about it. The next day, my whole body broke out in rashes (even on my arms, legs, feet and hands) and so in I went again to see my Obgyn. And just my luck again that he was delivering a baby when I got there and so I had to wait. His nurse was nice enough to let me see him first when he got back. After asking me some questions whether I had measles before (I had my rubella jab when I was young), he suspected the rashes is from the fever I had. I opted for the oral medication instead of the jab since the itch was bearable. He didn't even scan Baby 2 since I was still feeling movements. He said if the rash don't go away the next day, I am to see him again at his other clinic which is nearer to my house since they have a skin specialist there.

That night, the itch was so unbearable, it was so difficult to sleep. The rash didn't go away completely and I felt I wanted the jab so badly. So after dropping the girl off to the daycare, I went to the clinic, only to find out that my Obgyn will be late coz he had a baby to deliver (again). Out of all these years I've known him, I've never come across him delivering while I saw him for my checkups. This week I saw him 3 times and he had 4 babies to deliver! I need to go and buy 4D now. Anyway, I waited like 2 hours to see him and he wanted me to see the skin specialist but we found out the skin specialist is on vacation so my doc gave me the jab and asked to continue with the medication. If the rash doesn't go away over the weekend, I need to go and see the skin specialist next week. He assured me it's not measles.

Another thing to note as well, I had another weird discharge on Thursday, one small blood clot. It looked like some kind of dead cells, very black. Because it was only one-off and there wasn't any blood, I didn't bother telling my Obgyn (I guess also coz I don't want to go on another medication again. I've already took the panadols and the other one for the rash, I personally feel I've put Baby 2 through enough medication) and also I lost 1 kg from the fever.

It's Saturday now and the rash is gone but I'm still feeling itchy here and there. With so much going on and I'm only nearly 5 months, I really feel I'm so done having babies now! As much as I love babies, my pregnancies are not helping me to feel of wanting to have more. Hubby will have to convince me a whole lot if he ever wants more! LOL!

I'm waiting for our maid to arrive and I hope we can have her by next weekend. With hubby travelling so extensively lately, I really need some help at home. I'm glad that the girl understood about me being sick and didn't really get into her tantrums while her papa was away but she is still her usual self in her dilly-dallying ways and that gets to me! She's alright if I don't read to her at nights as I'm so dead tired by the time I get her ready for bed - before, she will make such a huge fuss if I don't read to her. Anyway, I will post on her more at her site when I find the time.

A Mother's Day treat

2008-05-10T22:07:00.000-07:00

It's a good thing having a blog afterall - to get the message across to hubby! ;)

He read my wish and he has just left the house with the girl to her music class and thereafter, he's bringing her out to wherever! Muahahahaha!

He also wanted to make a bet with me yesterday saying for sure I will be at the pc the whole time - I told him of course I will as I've got so many things to update. But on second thoughts, I also want to watch tv since I don't have the girl to fight with now. I still got some laundry to do and some packing (we will be off to PD next week and Kuantan - a break I want so badly and I feel the girl also deserve a beach holiday again) but I will manage these chores in between.

Thank you hubby for being such a sport!

And to the rest of you moms out there, here's wishing you a happy Mother's Day!

4th checkup, start of 2nd trimester, honeymoon period?

2008-05-10T03:43:00.000-07:00

Today was my checkup again and I'm not sure why I ended up without a picture of Baby 2 as well as some of my questions unanswered. Probably due the fact that I was kind of preoccupied with the blood test that I had to do after seeing by Obgyn.

I don't have Baby 2's measurements but he/she is growing well from what we saw on the screen. My Obgyn said that it is still to early to tell the gender so we shall see for next month's checkup which is 5 weeks away (4 week's time is a public holiday).

The blood test was painful (and my arm still kinda hurt) and I just pray that I won't be hearing from my Obgyn about the results until I see him again in 5 weeks time. And the blood test costs a lot, the highest bill so far from all the checkups I had.

As for how I am personally progressing with the pregnancy so far, the nausea is mostly gone and so is the vomiting, well nearly. I've puked 3 times this week and the recent was just before I saw my Obgyn this morning in the car. It is also my first time puking outside of a toilet bowl. It was provoked by a cough (we, the girl, hubby and I are all down with the flu) and I luckily I managed to get hold of a plastic bag.

At least I can eat better than before although I still dislike some food. And yes the weird after taste is still there after I eat food (some say I'm expecting a boy because of this). And I think my nose is changing its original shape too! :( ....a few days ago, I noticed it but of course I would be in denial. But the next day, my colleague asked me about it and I totally freaked out! My nose kinda got bigger towards the very end with Rye Li and now to have my nose changing at 14 weeks and I still got like 6 months or so to go, it is very scary-la! I just pray it has got to do with my runny nose and that I'm blewing my runny nose now and then. Hehe, we shall see (keeping fingers crossed!).

We should be getting our maid next month and I pray it's a smooth one. We settled for an Indonesian in the end as the agent was telling us we need to be extra patient with the communication part if we were to get a Cambodian one. I kinda figured that already I'm running out of patience with a 2 year old, I can't imagine another round with a foreign maid! Not that I will have it easy with the Indon but at least I don't have to start from scratch.

This week, when hubby was away for his business travels and the girl was not well (she was having fever for 6 nights and her cough is really bad), I really felt the huge pinch being alone with her. I have been mostly alone with her at nights since she turned one month old and I have managed to cope well from then till now.

Rye Li was a colicky baby at 6 weeks onwards till 3-4 months old and I was mostly alone with her. She was also sick now and then and I was mostly alone with her. All of these lonely times, I could cope and I am surprise at myself that I could cope although I did complain to hubby occasionally that we need a maid. When she turned 1 year old onwards, the thought of getting a maid just kind of disappear as she was easier to handle.

Now, with this pregnancy, it has been a test for me. Rye Li was having fever since the previous Thursday night. We were mostly awake throughout the nights as she was coughing badly and that we need to observe her fever. On Monday night when hubby was away, she woked up and coughed really badly and vomited out her milk. She soiled her bed but luckily the bulk of her puke ended up in a plastic bowl which we have prepared for this. I moved her to the other mattress wanting to change the whole bedsheet but I couldn't find her bedsheet. In the end (I was also dead tired), I just took a nappy cloth to cover the small wet patch which was towards the end of the bed and moved her back to her bed. The previous times when she actually puked everything on the bed, hubby was around to clean up the mess while I cleaned her up.

This week really made me wish my maid is already here. I know for a fact that I will need a maid when Baby 2 comes to assist in the house chores and at nights when I need to have my shower. She is not to look after the kids as I will be sending her and the kids to the daycare during the weekdays. I could cope with looking after Rye Li myself at nights and I know I can cope with Baby 2 too. Only thing I need to get rid off is the housechores, cleaning & sterilising bottles, laundry, packing for the daycare the next day so that I can pay attention to Rye Li as well. I cannot rely on Rye Li to look after Baby 2 when I shower so this is where I will depend on the maid. I need my shower so I can breastfeed (I cannot imagine breastfeeding after a day out at work) and Rye Li pratically watched me shower when I was all alone with her.

Having a maid and sending the kids to the daycare will be a huge additional expenses for us. But my consolation is that this is only temporary. The most, 2-3 years. If my maid proves that she is trustworthy and would want to stay on to work, I may just stopped sending the kids to the daycare as Rye Li would be in school by then and Baby 2 would have learnt alot from the daycare already by then too. If the maid doesn't want to stay on, then I would not get one anymore as Baby 2 would be easier to handle. The things we do for our kids eh?! ;)

The 50 questions tag

2008-05-05T05:24:00.000-07:00

I have to do this tag, simply coz I owe KittyCat too many already and I don't think I will be doing the rest (it took me a while to search this one leh and this was the latest tag you had for me - think next time, you need to email me the link!)

Ok, she wants to know 50 things about me as follows (I promise I will try my best to answer them honestly!):-

1. Last person you had a deep and meaningful conversation with?
I'm not sure - at this crazy hormonal stage I'm going through right now, there's alot of people I've been talking to and mostly about life! ;)

2. Where was the last place you went?
Sad to say it was at the office - work-la, what else can I be doing man! :(

3. If you could be with your first love, would you?
Nope as that would mean I won't have Rye Li right now and of course hubby.

5. Who was your first crush???? Same as above.
Seriously?! Michael J. Fox - I dreamt I kissed him! LOL!

6. What was the last thing you highlighted?
Er, at work, alot of stuff. At home, also alot of stuff relating to the girl and my pregnancy.

7. Who is the last baby that you held?
If Baby 2 in me don't count, then Rye Li. Okay, she's not a baby anymore. Then it has got to be Justin, my friend's baby whom I got to carry after Rye Li allowed me too in February! I was so happy coz she let me (she has been very protective over me all this while!)

8. Do you know of any twins with rhyming names?
Nope.

9. Are you ticklish?
Of course!

10. Have you ever worn a crown?
I've to agree with KittyCat here, it was also during my wedding studio pics. Yucks and I hate that pictures.

11. Last time you saw fireworks?
I think it was during Chinese New Year this year too.

12. Who is the last person you hugged?
Rye Li - she's the fortunate one that gets loads of hugs from me.

13. Do you have a black dog?
Used to when I was in secondary school - it was a chow-chow and Fifi was her name, she was the best dog I ever had!

14. Do you have a little black dress?
I think so somewhere in my wardrobe - haven't been in one for ages!

15. What are you wearing right now?
My work shirt and shorts - yea, I need to shower really soon!

16. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Yucks - a client coz there was a last minute request as usual and it was nearly 8pm.

17. Do you like coffee?
Nope but I don't mind the occasional mocha blend or when I'm really sleepy and need to be awake for work.

18. Are you missing someone?
Nope but I'm missing my sleep if this counts.

19. Reason behind why you last cried?
The stress at work coz it's getting to me during this crazy hormonal changes in my body and the demands from clients are getting crazier!

20. How much cash do you have on you?
Think it's about RM200.

25. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
With digital camera, who needs films anymore?!

26. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a regret?
Definitely a million bucks!

27. What’s on your mind right now?
Sleep, work, the girl's health (she's been having fever since Thursday night and has the flu!), my pregnancy, my life when Baby 2 comes.

28. Do you have a deep dark secret?
What?! Like murder or a crime or perhaps a secret affair? Nah!

29. Do you wish you were with someone right now?
Yea, hubby so that he can help me out with the girl too. He's travelling again for work.

30. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had?
None. Not fortunate enough like KittyCat.

31. What was the last thing you ever got grounded for?
For the life of me, I cannot remember. This was ages ago and I guess it wasn't a big enough punishment for me to remember! ;)

32. What was your childhood nickname?
sini-sana

33. Do you have any strange phobias?
Same as KittyCat too and I just posted it - having to have my kids go before me. And yea, the usual ghosts, death and roaches!

34. Have you ever played naked twister?
Nope! I have a boring life!

36. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Ghosts.

38. Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet?
Oh yes but it's not nice to say these things right?! I believe in Karma so let them remain in my thoughts. hehe.

39. Do you crack your knuckles?
Some times but not as frequent as I used to when I was younger and single - guess I got too much to do being a mom now.

40. What’s one thing that can always be found in your refrigerator?
Junk food.

41. What color are your bed sheets?
Blue and Yellow

42. How many kids do you plan on having?
I want two but hubby wants 3 - If Baby 2 is a boy, I will go for another one coz I want another girl. And if it comes out a boy, I may just go for no. 4. Ask me this again when Baby 2 comes out! ;)

43. What did you do today?
Work, work and work.

44. How would you like to die?
Same as KittyCat - In my old age, and content to go, and in my sleep.

45. Have you ever been in love?
Also same as KittyCat. Why do we get married?! and falling in love in a different way when the kids come.

46. When is the last time you went out of the state (province)?
In February for the Bangkok trip.

49. Do you judge people?
I try not to. ;)

50. Generally, in life, what makes you happy?
As of right now, to see my family living happily and healthily. And also for me to live a stress-free life. Too much to ask for eh?!

Thanks KittyCat for this tag and sorry that it took so long!

Weird dreams

2008-05-03T19:06:00.001-07:00

I have been getting some weird dreams for this pregnancy. Funny though that I do not remember whether I had any during my 1st pregnancy.

Since over a month back, my dreams are just plain weird and Baby Centre did warn that I would be facing this especially during the first trimester and the third trimester. The dreams never made an impact on me although I do question them at times.

I had a nightmare over a week ago and this one I need to pen down as this is by far the worst dream I ever had in my life. I have dreamt of ghost haunting me and deaths in my life and although these had also disturbed me then, this particular one is still very disturbing to me till today.

Every parents' nightmare is to see their young ones go before them. And this is what I dreamt that night.

The girl and I with family and friends were at this huge water themepark. Her papa wasn't with us (and I think it's because he was also away on a business trip then when I had the nightmare). The girl being so independent, refused to hang out with me and wanted to hang out with the older kids playing around the water themepark and I allowed her to.

The last I saw her alive was when she followed the group into this huge pool that had those artificial huge waves. Somehow, at that time I knew she's too small for that but I didn't stop her. I'm not sure why I didn't in the dream and just let her have her fun and went about doing my own things.

After a while, I sense something wrong and went to search for her. As I mentioned, the themepark was so huge and I was going around asking people whether they saw the girl and none of them did. I begin to panick and was running around till I was looking at that huge pool whereby there were a small crowd. I noticed a body was being carried out from the pool to a room and I started running towards them. I came across a staff that works there and I asked what happened and he said it was a 10 year old boy and at that time, it was a relief to me. But then, another staff came and said it was Rye Li.

I immediately ran into the room and there she was, lying motionless on a table that looked like those at the mortuary rooms. I screamed her name and told her it was mummy. And I kept asking her to "Please wake up girl, please, it's mummy, please wake up!". While I was screaming and crying all this, I also felt a total sense of guilt as to what am I going to tell her papa at that time. And then I got up.

It took me several seconds to realize it was all a dream and when I came to my senses, I had to quickly checked on the girl, who was sleeping next to me. It was such a relief then to know that it was only a dream but still, it was so real that I was thinking about the dream the whole day. When I dropped the girl off at the daycare, I immediately called her papa to tell him about the nightmare. He said that it has got to do with my hormones and that perhaps I also have the fear with Baby 2 coming along, how will I handle two kids then. Anyhow, I told him that we have to take extra precaution when she is near water from now on.

To sleep in and do nothing on Mother's Day

2008-05-03T18:52:00.000-07:00

I've been asked by Belle's & Cassie's mummy on what I want to do this coming Mother's Day. Well, it has been known fact that I have not been getting enough sleep lately (due to my pregnancy) and also lately, the girl is not feeling well and have been getting up alot through the nights.

Thus, all I want is to sleep in and do nothing but relax. And by this, I mean no one at home but me alone! Yes, if hubby is reading this, you are most welcome to bring the girl out the whole day! :D

Somehow, I got this feeling I won't be getting this and I'd probably wish the same thing next Mother's Day again!

Here's the list to what other blogging Mommies want this Mother's Day:

1. Mumsgather shares - What I REALLY want to do on Mother’s Day.
2. Vien likes - Not to lift a finger on Mother’s Day.
3. Syn wants - to sleep in an do nothing no Mother's Day.

I'd like to know what KittyCat wants to do this Mother's Day.

Updates

2008-04-30T04:32:00.000-07:00

Time has really flown by so quickly. I'm at 13 weeks now!

Happy to say that I haven't puked at all this week, 3 times last week. The irony of last week was that the day I turned exactly 12 weeks, I puked twice that morning! :)

Nausea is subsiding, having the occasional weird feelings. The only constant thing is the weird after taste when I consume food.

And this is the best part - call it sadistic, paranoia or just plain weird. When I was pregnant with Rye Li and was constantly puking, hubby used to console me by telling me they were signs of a healthy pregnancy. This was what other people told me too.

So psychologically, I have this implanted in my mind till now. Thus last week, when my pukings were subsiding, I began to worry. "Is the baby ok?"

I was also laughing at myself as just weeks before I was complaining and complaining about my pregnancy, the "why me" self-pity mode and now when it is getting better, I have this worry too. Ok, ok, shoot me!

I told this to hubby and I said that my only consolation that I know my pregnancy should be okay is the blardy after taste I get after eating. Hah!

Yes, my emotions are crazy too which is also a tell-tale sign that the pregnancy should be okay.

I'm killing 2 birds with a stone on this post. Here's what Baby Centre has to say about being 12 weeks:-

Welcome to your second trimester! Your raging hormones could be calming down a bit and you may also notice your nausea tapering off. Most women happily wave goodbye to morning sickness around now (although queasiness can return periodically throughout pregnancy). This week, your baby's face looks much more human. Her eyes have moved closer together and her ears are just about where they should be. Your baby has entered what is known as the fetal period, when tissues and organs rapidly grow and mature. Many women enjoy pregnancy much more in this trimester — early symptoms fade and the risk of miscarriage drops dramatically. We hope this is the way it turns out for you, and we're here to support you through all the ups and downs of the weeks to come.

Here's where I'm a little confused. I was counting to 14 weeks to the 2nd trimester and Baby Centre welcomes me to it already at 12 weeks. Alot of pregnancy books and websites also states that 14 weeks is the beginning to the 2nd trimester and 28 weeks is the beginning to the 3rd trimester. So I'm still waiting for another week to go before I officially hit into my 2nd trimester.

And here's what Baby Centre has to say about 13 weeks:-

If you could hold your baby's hand this week, you'd notice the swirling lines that make up his unique fingerprints. You'd also see the veins and vital organs beneath his tissue-thin skin. He's growing... Are your long-lost energy and sex drive making a comeback? If so, you may soon find out why many women call this the honeymoon trimester. For other women, the discomforts last a while longer yet. Every pregnancy is individual — even women who have been pregnant before find that the second or third are different.

Here's where I'm laughing my head off - long lost energy and sex drive making a comeback?!! I'm sure hubby would be happy reading at this statement but sad to say, I'm still feeling really tired and all I can think of is I need more sleep! ;)

On the progress of how the girl is handling this pregnancy, I also wonder at times what is actually going on through her head. At times she is so lovey-dovey and will kiss my tummy and talk to Baby 2 saying "Hello baby, this is cher-cher (elder sister)". And then there was one night when I asked her if baby comes out, where is baby going to sleep and she replied "My bed no space ady (already), baby oi-oi (sleep) on the mattress". I then asked her if baby can sleep in her cot and she said "No!". We dismantled her cot in our room which she has not slept in since last year over the weekend and plan to have it out of sight for a while. But knowing this girl, she will be having loads to say when we put it up again for baby 2!

Hubby sleeps on the mattress in her room while I sleep with her on her bed (a queen size mattress).I need to start soon on sleeping separately from her while hubby is around as she is getting too close to me for this. I'm not sure how am I going to cope with Baby 2 and her when hubby travels next time as I planned to sleep separately with Baby 2 in my room while Rye Li remains in her room. Hubby said that we should just start training her to sleep on her own while we have the baby monitor on but somehow I'm reluctant to do this as well as I feel I can't leave her alone just as yet. Part of me feels sad to have her on her own and yet part of me knows that if I don't start soon, I will suffer later when Baby 2 comes into the picture. Now I just wish my room is big enough to have everyone in there! ;)

3rd checkup

2008-04-19T02:02:00.000-07:00

We went in to see my Obgyn for our 3rd checkup and we got to see the full form of Baby 2! I guess with the pressing of the scan on my belly, baby 2 was moving all over, from sideview to frontview and sideview again. We didn't have this with Rye Li during the same time. Because of this, I asked my doc whether we could tell the gender and he said not yet, most likely the next visit.

When baby 2's face was facing front, the hands were also up as if it was waving to us (due to the moving and pressing of the scanner) and hubby was excited by this. In the midst of scanning, Rye Li went "Hello Baby!" which impressed all of us. I actually prepared her for this before the appointment, telling her that we will see baby 2 on the screen and when we do, she has to say hello. I didn't really think that this would work and when she did say it, I just had to praise her.

We actually had the scan printed out but it is not as clear as Rye Li's which so happened hers at 12 weeks happened to be the last scanned picture that we got out of her pregnancy since the rest of the visits will always have her back facing us.

I was comparing Baby 2's size to that of Rye Li's at 12 weeks and a half weeks, well, actually Baby 2 is at 11 and a half weeks now. The measurements are the same but Baby 2's body seems to be bigger while Rye Li's head seems to be bigger. The scanned printed out the week as 12 and half weeks so I'm thinking that Baby 2 is growing faster than Rye Li.

As for my weight, I've only put on slightly over 1kg (2.2 pounds) so far since Day 1 and I'm happy with this coz with Rye Li, I think I was about 3 kgs then. But I'm not celebrating just as yet as who knows, I may put on more later but I'm trying my best to control my weight this time round as I went up to 21kgs with Rye Li. And she was only 2.3 kgs (5 pounds) at birth!

My next check up will be at 14 and a half weeks which is in 3 weeks time. I will be doing the blood test then. Hubby was asking me why I want to test for Down Syndrome for eventhough my doc said from the scan, he is 80% sure that Baby 2 looks normal. I told him that I just need to know and assured him that I will not do an ammio test if needed as I know my decision no matter what the outcome is.

As for my own well-being, I'm happy to report that my morning sickness is fading away. Well, I don't puke daily anymore although I do puke now and then but it is mostly in the mornings now. However, my nausea is still there and the after taste of whatever I eat still remains in my mouth and it's disgusting. I didn't have this with Rye Li at all and the nausea with her only lasted a month. I can't wait for 14 weeks as this would mean I'm officially into the 2nd trimester but I'm not counting on the fact that my morning sickness will go away completely. I was puking all the way to 6 months with Rye Li but at least I didn't feel so bad in the 2nd trimester then.

Here's what Baby Centre has to say about 11 weeks (sorry that I couldn't update last weekend, have been extremely busy at work and I'm thinking constantly all the time whether it's worth going through the stress for money! haha...but cant quit just as yet!):-

Your fetus now looks like a baby, with tiny but fully formed fingers and toes. As his body grows and becomes more developed and functional, he'll start twisting and turning like an acrobat, cushioned and protected by your amniotic fluid. You, on the other hand, are probably feeling less like a gymnast every day. Leg cramps, which can sometimes be a sign of calcium deficiency, and heartburn (caused by pregnancy hormones that relax the valve which separates the oesophagus from the stomach) may be annoying you during the day and keeping you up at night. Just remember, all this suffering is temporary — and it's all in a good cause — you're having a baby!

The ironies of my pregancies

2008-04-04T18:03:00.000-07:00

I’m just puzzled how there are so many ironies with my pregnancies (including my first pregnancy with the girl). I mean, I don’t hear these from my sister with her 2 pregnancies nor with my cousin with her 3 pregnancies nor with my mom and her 3 pregnancies. Am I normal?

I’m really tired, extremely tired. And yet I can’t sleep well. I’m also a light sleeper normally so when I’m dead tired at night but have to wake up to pee, I just can’t go back to sleep. It takes me forever to go back to sleep and of course, I’m not getting the right amount of sleep that I should. So, this will affect the rest of my day.

I just don’t understand why do I have to pee so much. I also can’t drink much ever since I got pregnant. Water taste funny to me so I’ve been drinking cordial stuff or honey just to get my daily liquid but I’m not drinking as much as I should coz you can’t just force down something you don’t like. So it’s really interesting to know that I pee so much more even though I drink so much lesser.

And this also leads to my constipation. It hurts to poo now but I got no choice but to suffer in silence. I cant really drink much of prune juice either coz it taste funny after a while. So I try to compensate this with high fiber food or fruits but it doesn’t really have that much effect coz I also can’t eat too much of these at one go.

I’ve been having backaches too and my Obgyn suggested I take calcium pills and I immediately said no as I had a bad experience with this when I was pregnant with the girl. My stools after that was rock solid and I ain’t going to go through this anymore. So I’ve resorted to taking milk now and this, I have to force myself to drink. I wish the milkshakes at McD’s are not so fattening! And I did try other low-fat ones, I can’t stand the taste!

And speaking about eating, I also can’t eat right anymore. I can’t take seafood, including fish but I can with ikan bilis (dried anchovies) and I will usually take this to add to my calcium intake. I can’t stand mushrooms, durians and certain type of veggies but I love bitter gourd and petai. I can’t really eat chocolate anymore although I like McD’s chocolate milkshake. Poor hubby got me Godiva chocs again from one of his trips and I tried one and I didn’t enjoy it at all. Told him I will try again in my 2nd trimester and hopefully I can eat them then.

My inlaws are in town and they were cooking last night. I told them not to cook so much as I can’t really eat much these days. I only managed to eat an egg dish of theirs as I couldn’t stomach the fish, prawns and mushroom soup they also made. My FIL wanted to cook other stuff for me and I said no need as I was afraid my dinner may come out later. He also asked what I like to eat and he will cook for me while they are here and I said it’s ok as I don’t really know what I want to eat either. The thought of food makes me sick but I do get hungry a lot of the time and I will resort to eating dry crackers so that I don’t puke.

And speaking about puking, I thought I was lucky to get away with literary morning sickness initially. Boy, was I wrong. In the past 1 week, I also puked out my dinner 3 times and I totally hate it. Usually, my morning sickness is always liquid as I don’t take my breakfast immediately when I wake up and this is fine. But with those 3 times of night sickness with my dinner was utterly horrendous!

Ok, I’m going into details here and I’m sorry if you also get disgusted. You can stop reading here if you want to. ;)

To those mothers out there who have not experienced what I have, consider yourself darn lucky! And I know there are women who have it worst off than I am now and I am considering myself lucky too. Anyway, when you have morning, day or night sickness, it’s not so much about vomiting everything at one go. It comes in stages and will vary from anything within a minute or several minutes. If you think, the first “output” is it, think again, there is probably another 3-10 times more after the 1st one and you need to stay put at the toilet bowl until you don’t feel the need to gag anymore.

With Rye Li, I only had one episode where I did puke out food and it was in a small amount and that itself was nasty. Now, with Baby 2, the 4 times I puked out my dinner, it felt as if I had several small rats stuck in my throat!

*pause* [had to stop typing as I just had my morning sickness! IRONIC eh?! I’m guessing the thought of me puking also got to me! ;)]

One of the nights, we had pizza for dinner and I puked all of that out. Hubby asked me if I wanted some more since we had leftovers and I just gave him that stare. Men! And this is the other thing too, if you just puked out whatever you just ate, the last thing you want to eat is the same food again!

I’ve been asked a few times so far whether I want a boy this time. I really don’t care coz I know I definitely want another girl so if Baby 2 is a boy, most likely there will also be a 3rd attempt for Baby 3. But I told hubby the other day, if Baby 2 is a girl, I will ‘close shop’ for sure and his reply was “what is wrong with 3 girls!”. Oh well, we shall just see-la.

Here’s my 9 weeks update from Baby Centre:-

If extreme mood swings leave you feeling like a drama queen this week, you're not alone. Hormonal fluctuations are treating your emotions like a yo-yo now. One minute you feel weepy and the next you're laughing harder than you've ever laughed before. Take comfort in knowing that those same volatile hormones are helping your baby grow. In fact, this week marks the first time your baby looks almost human. He has all the standard body parts in place now — though they're not yet formed to perfection.

Maybe no thanks to this hormonal fluctuations I'm feeling this way too. I was an emotional wreck last week and I felt as if I was about to have a nervous breakdown. I really need to find ways to relax but I have to admit that I'm also going through a "Nesting" syndrome now. My house has always been messy and this never got to me till now. I really can't stand the mess lately and it doesn't help that I'm also too tired to clean up the bulk of the mess (yea, excuses!).

8 weeks and counting

2008-03-30T05:19:00.000-07:00

I've been puking everyday, mostly mornings and mostly just water. As work got demanding this week, I also had less sleep and hence, I got sick with a sore throat and a cough. Again, no fun being sick when you're pregnant. I hope the girl doesn't get this from me as I cannot afford her sick right now with hubby being away this coming whole week. :( [a mental note to remind rye li not to ever marry a guy who travels so much unless he can afford to bring her along at all trips! ;)]

Here's what Baby Centre has to say at 8 weeks:-

If you could see your baby this week you'd see that his fingers and toes are emerging, his eyelids practically cover his eyes and his embryonic tail is just about gone. Of course, it's still too early to tell whether you're having a boy or a girl because the telltale parts aren't visible yet, but go ahead and play the guessing game. Many mums-to-be say they have an inkling early on - and often they're right!

I don't really have a clue at all as to whether I'm having a boy or girl. The symptoms are the same with Rye Li except that I got this constant funny taste in my mouth and that my cravings started earlier and it's mainly for spicy and sour stuff. With Rye Li, my cravings came later and it's mostly sweet stuff. So could it really be the opposite gender of Rye Li- she will be happy if she gets a ti-ti I guess? Oh well, we shall just see.

I'm not going to blog more but will cut and paste from what I wrote before when I was pregnant with Rye Li about the same time. Reading back that post, I realised my english really sucks and I will probably feel the same if I read back all the posts I've written in the girl's blog and mine. I know I could correct it now but I'm not bothered really.... Haha.

We had the following check up this Monday. Didn’t realise hubby was more excited that I was….he was worrying the whole day on the doctor’s appointment than I was. He said he wanted to sms me but didn’t want me to worry. Told him I didn’t really think much abt it too.So after work we went.

He picked me up from the train station and headed to the specialist center. Waited for a little bit but not as long as our first trip there. Went in and the doc asked how have I been feeling for the last 3 weeks. I said not that good and told him my concerns especially on how different my symptoms are compared to my sister and cousin. He mentioned that I should not be comparing at all and said all individuals are different. The doc was kinda different this time, more caring and had a lot more to say than our first visit. I think he sense that I may go for a second opinion if I’m not happy with him. Hah.

Anyhow, he did a scan again and this time, he allowed hubby to join us behind the curtain. He took a while trying to search for the little fella while we wait. Then he said there it is…and both of us were looking at it trying to make up of what exactly we are looking at. Then the doc went, there’s the heartbeat….and both of us went where? We have no clue what to look for. The doc then zoom into a spot and used the cursor on the screen to show us the blinking of the heartbeat. Only then we saw! It was so tiny and so cute! And yet I cannot tell it’s form really….hubby was really excited, more than me. This I only got to know later when he was happily talking abt the heartbeat after the check up.

The doc said that the little one is growing fine and that I’m exactly 8 weeks and 2 days old which means my due date that he gave from our first visit remains the same which is 20th January 2006. I asked abt the scarring and he said it has gone which is so much to our relief really. He said he doesn’t see anything wrong with the embryo so far and said our next appointment will be in a month’s time.

I asked him about a blood test and he said he usually take it at 3-4 mths and that if I wanted to, he can take one there and then. I decided to leave it as that and wait for a month or so. Hope that I will have nothing to worry about.

So far, this journey has been a roller coaster ride in terms of emotional and physical being. I have puked 6 times so far as of today and the nauseous feeling is still there although lesser these days. And I’ve been peeing so much….damn a lot actually. Just last nite, I think I went to pee like 10 times and I couldn’t sleep much. It says in the books that usually it will go away after the third month and come back later in the third trimester. I really hope so. It is annoying to have your sleep disrupted. And it doesn’t help either that I cant drink much water and when I try to compensate at nite, I pee more. Boo hoo.

It’s amazing how a little life growing within you can do so many changes to your body. My whole taste buds have changed. A lot of my favourite food is no longer edible to me without feeling nauseous. And I cant eat much at times which means poor hubby will finish it for me. He has put on more weight than me….hehe. am trying to make sure he starts his exercise program again for his sake. And I eat regularly too coz I get hunger pangs all the time. Which hubby will follow me when he feels greedy.

And when you really feel how sick you can get with all these morning sickness and all, you don’t loathe at what is happening to you. You accept it with grace and pride to know that you have a baby growing in you. And it really helps to have such a wonderful partner who tries to understand what is going on with you. He wasn’t there when I puked the first 2 times as he was traveling out of state. On my third one, he was next to me over the toilet bowl patting my back, consoling me. I didn’t expect him to do so and at that time I jst wanted him to go away coz I was at such a vulnerable state (and also I didn’t want him joining me in puking). But I got to know that he wants to be there although he feels helpless. After that, he was at every puke except for this morning’s coz he was in the other toilet having a tummy ache. He told me he could hear me but couldn’t come to my rescue coz he was in the middle of his business. So sweet of him. And this is what I’ve learnt too about being pregnant….such love! from your partner and from what a mother has towards her child no matter how the child reacts. This is a wonderful journey alright and I cannot wait to see the little fella come January next year!

I have to add one thing though, yes hubby was really sweet then with my condition and he is still as sweet now. He doesn't hang out with me in the toilet anymore when I puke (coz he's hardly around) and when he is around, he tends to Rye Li most of the time.

2nd checkup

2008-03-22T00:17:00.000-07:00

We were at my Obgyn's this morning and we saw Baby 2's heartbeat, including Rye Li. I guess amidst the morning sickness and nausea and the horrible feeling I'm going through, that sight just made the whole thing worth it! hehe.

We had the scan printed out too. My Obgyn was saying what for since can't see much and I said to compare with Rye Li's (although we forgot to ask the 1st time scan to be printed out).

We are looking forward to seeing Baby 2's full form in 4 weeks time, which is the next check up. I am at 7 and a half week's now.

Below is what Baby Centre has to say at 7 weeks;

Your uterus has doubled in size in just two months (my comments: holy cow!) but you're unlikely to look pregnant yet (my comments: with the 'leftovers' from Rye Li, my tummy does look big!) , even though inside you may be on an emotional rollercoaster (my comments: tell me about it!). If you could see your baby, you'd probably notice eyelids forming, the nubs where fingers and toes are beginning to grow, and a tiny heart beating beneath parchment-thin skin. This is a critical stage when many major organs are forming.

As for Rye Li, we have already told her a few week's back about Baby 2. Initially, she will ask me "where's baby"? And then there was once she asked "where's ti-ti (chinese: little brother)?" [she's still adamant for wanting a ti-ti]. I had to correct her saying we don't know whether Baby 2 is a mei-mei (chinese: little sister) or a ti-ti yet. Now if you ask her where's mummy's baby and she will say "Inside Mummy's stomach". She's also willing to kiss my tummy and say "Goodnight Baby or Hello Baby" and will pat my tummy gently. She gets excited when I say when Baby 2 comes out, she will be a cher-cher (chinese: elder sister)and she will go "Rye Li cher-cher". I just pray that she is still this excited when Baby 2 is actually out! LOL, we shall see eh?!

Lately, she is also showing signs of being extra demanding. This whole week when we picked her up from the daycare, she was always in a foul mood and refused to cooperate when sitting in her car seat. So we had to force her and her mood just gets worst for the whole journey home! I am wondering is this also in relation to Baby 2.

At my Obgyn this morning, the girl was her usual talkative self. She always ask to see Dr. Fan when he's not in sight but when he is, she goes numb. But it was interesting to see Dr. Fan teasing her and she will reply at times. At our first visit nearly 3 weeks ago, Dr. Fan said she's a real cili padi (malay: small chilli, aka small but fierce!)as she was talking non-stop throughout our visit there. I am really curious to see her reaction towards the up-coming scans. I do want to share as much as I can with her for this pregnancy to also prepare her for what is in store for her. I wonder if she really knows what's going on.

The beginning of nausea, morning sickness and lotsa farts!

2008-03-16T23:30:00.000-07:00

Since my last update, history has repeated itself. I see myself going through very similiar paths when I was pregnant with Rye Li. My nightmare has begin and yes, at times I do ask myself what have I gotten myself into (with no offense to Baby 2 of course).

I have puked everyday for the last 5 days, twice on Sunday. Luckily, it's literary morning sickness but the nausea stays nearly the whole day. I can't think straight anymore (just think constant motion sickness, that is how I feel!).

Interestingly, a week back, hubby asked me how many kids do I intend to have and I told him now is not a good time to ask at all! He has intentions to add another set of tattoo on his other arm with all of our names on it and he said he will leave 2 spaces blank for Baby 2 and if ever, Baby 3 as well. Sigh! What is with some people and their tattoos!

On the positive side, the spottings has stopped I hope. It did come now and then last week but it has stopped since the weekend. Comparing to Rye Li's time, the spotting then was pretty consistent. This time, it is not and at least the cramps have stopped but I do get backaches now and then.

Oh and the wind and farts! I have never farted and burped so much ever since I was pregnant with Rye Li and now it is starting again. I don't remember it starting so early though with Rye Li.

I will be seeing my obgyn this Saturday and after which, I should be telling most of the world about this pregnancy. We finally informed my family on Sunday after hubby took pity on me when he saw me puked twice that day. Of course, they are more excited than I am and soon enough, some of my relatives also got to know as well. Not surprised here. ;)

As of today, I'm 7 weeks and still feeling tired and very sick! It doesn't help that hubby is travelling frequently for work again and I'm in desperate need of a maid. We will be applying soon and I pray we strike the lottery with the first one as I'm in no mood to go through several maids in the coming months. It is also my first time ever in getting a maid and I pray for the process to be a smooth one. Most likely we will be getting a Cambodian for certain reasons but the thought of communicating to her still scares me but will have to work it out then when the time comes.

I haven't got the 7 weeks update from Baby Center yet so I will post what they had to say about Baby 2 at 6 weeks....

This week, your baby's brain, muscles and bones are beginning to take shape. His hands and feet resemble little paddles and his tiny heart is beating — twice as fast as yours, in fact. Although you probably won't feel anything for nine or ten more weeks, he's about to make his very first movements.

Eversince Rye Li has left my tummy, I really miss the movements she made inside. And I'm not sure if it was due to this that at times I still feel "little kicks" in my tummy long after she came out. So now with the fact that I know I'm pregnant, I also have these "little kicks" and I'm positively sure it's not Baby 2.

Anyhow, with what I'm feeling lately, I'm still adamant about being a boy in my next life!

Leaving it to fate

2008-03-08T01:19:00.000-08:00

After the initial scare, there were only a few yellow spotting which I didn't feel the need to go see my doctor immediately. Then later in the evening, after picking the girl up from the nursery, there was another discharge again similiar to the day before and I put two and two together and figured it was from carrying the girl to and from the carseat. However, this time there were no signs of blood.

I told hubby about this and I said I cannot not carry the girl now and then especially when I'm alone with her most of the time and neither will I blame the girl if anything were to happen to this pregnancy. I am going to leave it to fate, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. This was how I felt too during Rye Li's time. I really thought I would have lost her from all that spotting and cramps at that time.

I'm also wondering how did many mothers during my mother's and grandma's time have so many kids one after another with no help survive their pregnancies! Are they made of steel then? Haha...even now, for those mothers who have so many kids, how did you all do it? I know you guys just take it as normal and live life like usual. So this is what I'm going to do, live like normal (while coping with the nausea, tiredness and an active 2 year old at home!).

And while I'm at it, I might as well make the most of out this pregancy....I didn't actually have a pregnancy diary when I had Rye Li (I did do some at my other blog which I will extract what I typed out there where necessary to do a comparison) so I will try and do one here for Baby 2. Yes, I will name it baby 2 as I don't feel nice calling it "it". ;)

From Baby Centre, it said that at 5 weeks, "Your embryo (at this tiny stage, she's still not technically considered a baby or even a fetus yet) is enjoying her first huge growth spurt. Although she still resembles a tadpole more than anything else, she's sprouting tiny buds that eventually will become arms and legs. Already her vital organs, including the heart, kidneys, and liver, are in place and growing. "

This is so amazing, a miracle, from nothing to growing into something. Of course I can't help but glee from ear to ear. Although the nauseous feeling is making me feel down now, and because of this I also ask myself "what have I got myself into again?!" (since Rye Li, I still have the fear of the nausea and morning sickness phase!) but I know in a year's time, if you ask me if I will go through this again just to have my babies, my answer will be "YES!".

Below is what I wrote in my non-active private blog when I found out I was pregnant with Rye Li and the title was "In my next life, I wanna be a boy!" (I know, I can be such drama queen). It looks as if my emotions are just the same, very emotional as always.

It’s been nearly 2 weeks since we found out. We have been trying since after cny this year but were not trying hard enough. Results didn’t show and as much as I was disappointed, I know that it should not be the case coz we were not trying that hard. Not easy making a baby. I know many will beg to differ but that is the case with us. And with all those years of wondering and worrying whether I could and so on, it finally came true!

My period was late in april running into the 35th day cycle…I’m always around 28-32 days there. And I was spotting in between and definitely cramping but there were no sign of blood. Visited the doc at the normal clinic and he did a urine test. Negative. He said if my period don’t come in a week’s time, to come in a check again. I was disappointed then coz I thought perhaps I could be. 2 days later, my period came. Screwed my system up for the first time in many years and I was thinking to myself, how am I going to calculate my ‘peak’ time now. And not forgetting, it spoilt our koh samui trip. The trip was suppose to be THE trip where we will try like mad in a relaxed environment. But it was not meant to be.

The next period…again late. And I thought it could be the same case as the previous month. And I was cramping too and spotting again…didn’t think I was coz it’s too painful to be pregnant.Wanted to wait till I’m 45 days late but when I hit 43 and was spotting the day before, I thought I shld jst go and check with the doctor. This time I went to another clinic coz I felt that the last one was negative and I didn’t want to go through that all similar path again jst to find the same results back. Also, I didn’t want the cute doctor to think I was paranoid. Haha.

Did a urine test and it came out positive. Was so shocked! Really shocked…it worked! Hah. But the doc said that I shld go see a proper gynae to rule out any danger since I’m not suppose to be cramping and spotting. Hubby was shocked too and happy. We both had mixed feelings…was too excited to have lunch even.

We went to the gynae that nite itself…the wait was crazily trying for us. We both were still in shock and worried. Finally our turn came. The doc ultra scanned me but he said that it’s too vague to see and asked whether I want to wait for another week or so or do the scope thingy. Guess he had to ask coz there’s a price to pay for anything and everything. I just told him to do the scope coz I don’t think I can possibly wait any longer.

The scope confirmed the pregnancy and next to the little fella, there was a dark line which the doc confirmed was blood clots. In all that excitement and shock, we didn’t even ask him why was in there. He jst told us that I will need to take this medication for the nxt 10 days to clear the blood clot or to stop the bleeding. And to see him in 3 weeks time. And he said I was 6 weeks. Hubby and I looked at each other shocked coz we know it was impossible. The doc just said to know how accurate the little fella is, we will know in the nxt visit.

We walked out dazed and still in shock. And we told his family and our close friends. It’s nearly 2 weeks since then and I have been sick! Had morning sickness for 3 days in a row last week and have been feeling nauseous all the time. And it was in such a bad timing to have all these as my work has been crazy. And the doc said I should be resting! Sigh! And then there was all the weird symptoms….side pains, cramping and I was still spotting now and then.

Have been reading some books and there’s so many questions I need to ask the doc when I see him next Monday. I’m gonna do a blood test to make sure the little fella is healthy. I pray to god that he/she is….i don’t want to have to face to make a difficult situation later.

A scare!

2008-03-06T17:24:00.000-08:00

I have been extra careful ever since we found out that I was pregnant. My doctor gave me the week off to rest and he said that I should not carry the girl at all if I can help it.

I've been working from home when I can (as my work cannot exactly wait although hubby would go against this) and have been for 2 appointments so far with my clients that cannot be postponed. Although doing these, I've been really careful not to overstress myself.

As for carrying the girl, I have minimised it alot but I cannot help it when I need to take her to and fro from the daycare and thus, I need to carry her to and fro from the carseat. Hubby is away these 3 days for a business trip to Penang so I'm all alone.

Yesterday, when I picked the girl up from the daycare, I felt a pull when I lifted her to her car seat. There wasn't any pain or anything so I just let it be. Later that night, I also felt a tug at my wee-wee area and when I went for my shower, I notice a full discharge of pale brownish colour and a very small tiny streak of blood. This reminded me of the night my waterbag broke with Rye Li except that Rye Li's time, I had more water gushed out and the tiny streaks of blood was more vicible then.

I panicked upon seeing this last night and as much as I'm trying to be positive about this pregnancy, I am also darn worried and can't help thinking the worst. I have not been spotting since Saturday although the cramps are there now and then and now this! Since that discharge, there have been small yellow spottings and no sign of blood. I'm on alert mode right now and if I sense anything abnormal, I will be off to the doctor. The thing is, if this happen in the middle of the night with hubby not around, I got no choice but to wait till day time. I pray that the discharge is purely nothing.

Why I'm also worried is that I find myself going back to history whereby any discharge I feel, I have to immediately go and check and will stare and stare at it to make sure it's not blood! I remember how paranoid I was when I was pregnant with Rye Li and there were a few times I had to show hubby to make sure it wasn't blood!

I'm also feeling guilty of over-doing it at Bangkok in terms of walking alot and that one massage that I had. That massage was also my first time in terms of that lady having to massage my tummy area and she did push my womb up. The previous Thai massage I had never had this before. I didn't worry that time as I knew my period was coming. I asked my doctor about this and he pushed my worries aside, he said as long as they didn't step on my back (but the lady did kind of sit on my back when she was massaging my shoulder!).

I hate this situation of not knowing and wondering whether I should have done this or that. At this point in time, I only have to pray for the best.

Good News?!

2008-03-05T18:46:00.001-08:00

It's official, I'm pregnant! :D

I knew my period was due during my sales training at Bangkok and there were signs of cramping already before the trip. And the last thing on my mind was that I could be pregnant. So once my colleagues and I landed at Bangkok, we went shopping and that night itself I had a Thai massage.

The next few days, still cramping but no sign of my period yet. I had coffee throughout our training, beer and wine on our 2nd night there with my colleagues and went shopping again on the 3rd night there. While shopping, I felt a discharge and know that my period came. But upon checking, it wasn't blood per se but more like towards the end of your period cycle, the brownish -pale looking stuff. But nonetheless, I started wearing my pad since that night. The next few days, there were spotting and discharge and cramps still but no blood and the idea of me being pregnant started to settle in although I was in disbelief as the cramps were very real and more painful when I'm sleeping.

The last 2 days I was in Bangkok, the spotting stop although there were colourless discharge still and cramps. And although we shopped alot, all that walking made me really tired and it was worst when I had to walk up the stairs, it took me ages to walk up the stairs. I was thinking of seeing my doctor on Monday once I'm back to KL but hubby said to wait another week and see. But before I picked the girl up from my sister's, I went to the pharmacy to get me a test-kit and tested it that evening when we reached home. It came out positive and I told hubby that I should go see my doctor that night itself since it's on duty on Monday and Wednesday evening at this place near my home.

My doctor confirmed it with the scan (which I was surprised that it could be seen so clearly at 5 weeks since I had to do the vaginal scan with Rye Li when I was like 5 and a half weeks with her). And he gave me the rest of the week off since I was still cramping with some medication. This came as a bad timing as I had so much of things to do at work but both my doc and hubby talked some sense into me saying that if anything were to happen to my pregnancy, my office cannot bring it back.

I'm not sure why either that hubby became so superstitious and said not to tell anybody yet until 3 weeks later which is my next appointment with the doctor. So, as of now, only hubby and I as well as my boss (as I need her to understand why I'm taking the whole week off) know about this. I'm sorry that by the time you read this, I'm probably be at least 8 weeks or so already. You cannot imagine how badly I want to tell the whole world (well, at least our family and close friends and some of my blogger friends too!).

I am at of mixed feelings now - I am happy and excited that I am actually pregnant since we have been planning for several months now but upset that the symptoms are similiar to Rye Li's. With Rye Li, I was spotting more and lesser cramps and the spotting lasted all the way to 5th month. This time, it's lesser spotting but more cramping. I mean, most healthy pregnancies do not have these symptoms right?!

Yes, to console myself, Rye Li is out and she is a healthy baby although I went through all that with her. So if this baby is as tough as Rye Li, I don't have anything to worry about eh?! ;)

Also, with those symptoms, we announce to everyone about my pregnancy when I was like 5 and half weeks but now I've to keep mum till my next appointment which will see me about 8 weeks then. Hubby is more sensitive now that he knows natural abortion is also a common thing.

It's Thursday now, 3 days after we found out I'm actually pregnant. I'm not sure if it's all in the mind but at times I do feel nauseous but I pray that it won't be as bad as Rye Li's. With Rye Li, my morning sickness and nausea came a week later after I found out I was pregnant with her. And this lasted till 6 months too, the morning sickness that is. The nausea only lasted a month. But I do feel giddy in the mornings and I'm not sure whether it's got to do with the pregnancy.

I will update on my pregnancy here till I know the sex of the baby and then will decide his/her name in which I will start a separate blog for him/her. It will be tough to maintain 3 blogs then but my priority will be for my babies.

We haven't told Rye Li yet about this, we will probably prepare her once we tell the whole world too. But prior to this, I did ask her whether she wants a 'mei-mei' (little sister) or a 'ti-ti' (little brother) and her answer is always a ti-ti. I'm guessing it's because she likes this ti-ti at the daycare which is why she always answer that. I usually thought girls prefer girls no matter what at this age. Let's see if her answer will change later.

Wish me a smooth pregnancy!

My Bangkok trip

2008-03-04T22:09:00.000-08:00

I had a sales training last week at Bangkok and this is the first time whereby I will be away from the girl the longest time ever which was in total 6 nights. The first 3 nights, hubby was around to look after her and the remaining 3 nights, she was looked after by my sister and her maid. From her blog, you will know that it went really well and I’m going to use this to my advantage to have more “me” or “our” time.

Anyway, this post is not about the girl (muahaha), it is about hubby and I. Hubby joined me for the weekend there and this is our first time away together in just over 2 years (yes, as old as Rye Li). So what did we do?! We shopped and shopped and eat and eat.

On Friday night, our friends took us to this lovely place for dinner which took us like over an hour to get there (including traffic). The food was delicious, a mixture of local thai food as well as continental. The theme of the place is very much like those dutch farms whereby the structure of the houses and buidling there looks dutch. Even the waiters and waitresses are dressed in dutch clothes. They have huge picnic tables all over and in the middle of the place, there is a swamp which has fishes, ducks and swans in it. They also have a little place for rabbits. You would bring your kids here for sure. Because one of our Thai friend’s friend brought his 3 year old daughter along for dinner, it made me miss the girl more and after I had my dinner, I went to play with the girl.

After dinner, hubby and I went shopping since they have midnight sales that weekend. The next morning, we went to the weekend market, Chatuchak and spent more than half the day there before heading to MBK for more shopping. Hubby and I had to rush back to the hotel to get ready for my surprise dinner from hubby (it wasn’t so much a surprise as he told me he had dinner plans for me on Saturday night when he arrived the day before). I sort of guess where he would take me for dinner but didn’t expect the place to be so damn nice! So where we had our romantic dinner?! ….at The Dome and at their restaurant, called Sirocco.

I was giddy with the fact that we’re 64 floors up in the air and it was really beautiful up there. This place is not cheap I tell you and let’s just say this is by far the most expensive dinner hubby and I ever had together. I was asked to shut up by hubby on the prices of the food and beverages before we even land on the top of this place (he knows me too well!). But when I saw the menu and of course, the prices, I was even more giddier and had to voice out my opinions!

So how was the food? Ok-la but it should be better for the price we paid! hehe. An interesting fact, I think the bill would have been more expensive if we were to have alcohol but it was the day before their elections and it is illegal to serve alcohol that day. I was just curious as to how the Mat Salleh’s (there were plenty of them) are enjoying their meals without their favourite beverages.

ignore my scary face - just look at the view! ;)

I have to say hubby gained more brownie points with this little surprise. I’ve never been pampered this way before and I tried my luck to see if he will ever take me to Lafite in KL?! Of course not! Hehe.

On Sunday, we did more shopping in between checking out of the hotel and waiting for our flight home. Although it was a short trip for both hubby and I and the fact that we had another person in our room that 2 nights (my boss), I guess it was worth it as now we know that the girl can live without us (since she was having such a gala time herself). Will we have more “our” trips? You betcha!

This Christmas

2007-12-19T23:59:00.000-08:00

With Christmas round the corner, I have been thinking how different this year's Christmas would be as this will be our first Christmas without Grandpa. My sister said there won't be much difference since Grandpa usually hung out in his room upstairs most of the time throughout our gatherings. True, but still, we know that he was upstairs all those time. I guess, he will still be around this Christmas, in spirit.

Sorry for the neglect on this site and on my stories on Grandpa and Grandma. After Grandpa's cremation, his bones and ashes were brought back to his house for about a month. I was told that the bulk of it, bones and ashes were put into an urn. And the remaining ashes were kept in a cup-like tupperware. Grandpa's wishes was to have his ashes thrown into the sea and so I was also expecting this. Somehow, my aunt prefers his urn to be kept at a church and the remaining ashes will be thrown into the sea.

His urn is kept at a church in Klang and the remaining ashes were thrown into the sea off Port Dickson, where he went most of the time with his children in his younger days. I didn't go for both and I didn't see his urn. I only saw the cup-like tupperware when I visited Grandma just before our US trip in October.

That was the first and only time I went back there since Grandpa's death. It felt different and kinda empty. The room he was in which was situated downstairs was left empty, his stuff (clothes, remaining medication, etc) mostly were given away to those in need. The maid didn't want the room back yet saying that she will moved back down later.

Anyway, I need to make the effort to visit Grandma as often as I can as I wouldn't want to think we all favour Grandpa only. She actually missed Grandpa although she would deny this. But I heard from my mom that she was saying good stuff about him after his death, something I've not heard from her before. ;)

I will try and post more stories on them when I can. Have a merry and joyous Christmas to all of you!

Feeling like a sucker!

2007-11-10T11:11:00.000-08:00

I started going for facial since April this year. This has been something I thought I won't be doing in my lifetime, well, not consistently anyway as I always thought it was a waste of money. Okay, it could be that I just didn't have enough money to splurge all this while. I'm not saying that I do have that extra to splurge on now but since being a mommy, most of my money has gone to the girl. And here I am thinking that I should also waste some of my money on me....after all, I do deserve it!

So, when Rye Li became easier to handle, I asked hubby if he's alright with the idea of looking after her for a couple of hours or so once a month while I go for facials and he said ok. :D

Initially, I contemplated alot, asking whether do I want to waste this kind of money and whether would this be for a short term basis or long term and if long term, can I afford it?! When I consulted my girl friends, many of them said I should and that it is not a waste of money when it should be considered more like an investment. One said "money spent on one self is a very good investment indeed!"

It has become a routine since April for me to go for my monthly facials which I always look forward to, as it's my only "me" time I get now.

I went for one today after the hols and it felt so good! It seems that they were having their 3rd anniversary deals and yours truly signed up on a one year package! I also took advantage of their 30% off their products and bought a few items which I have been hesitated to purchase all this while. I only paid 1/3 of the whole package as I told them that I don't have that kind of cash right now after our recent holidays.

Somehow, I feel like such a sucker although I know it was worth it. I'm not going to state how much the whole package costs in case hubby drops dead reading this. Please tell me that it was worth my time! Haha....well, at least I know I will be having that "me" time more often now as I believe I have 24 sessions in that package! :D

I need more "me" time!

2007-10-11T18:21:00.000-07:00

How do you cope with blogging when you're just too busy with work and if not at work, then at home with a toddler? Well, you just don't! Sigh!

I need more time for this...I got so many things to update. But priority is given to Rye Li's that this will take a while for me to update again.

We're heading off to our long awaiting trip and I hope to post this along the way if I can, if not, it will be after the trip. But most likely, the bulk of the updates will be at Rye Li's blog....will keep the adult stuff to here if any. Hehe...Adios!

Grandma

2007-09-27T19:18:00.000-07:00

My grandma is an interesting lady. As much as Grandpa has influenced my life in many ways, so has Grandma.

To me, Grandma has always played the motherly role, making sure that we were well fed and taken care of at home. I remember the time where we stayed at her place for a few months when I was about 10 years old. I had to get up at 5-30am in the mornings to take the school bus to school and Grandma will be the one making sure I woke up in time, had breakfast and waited with me till the school bus arrived.

Grandma is also well known for her wonderful cooking. During the festive seasons, either Christmas or Chinese New Year, she will be cooking her famous dishes; Vegetable Achar(pickles), fried meehoon, Ju Hu Char(Hokkien: some turnip dish to be wrapped in lettuce leaves, filling similar to popiah), devil curry and many more. Due to her weak health over the years, Grandma will still insist to cook these dishes but with the help of her maid. If she leaves us today, none of us will know how to cook her dishes.

About 4 years back, I actually took the effort to spend several hours with Grandma just so that I could take down her Salted Fish Achar recipe while she cooked. Grandma cannot write so all her recipes are in her head. I love this dish of hers, I've not come across any like this before out in the market which was why I decided to better get the recipe from her or forever regret when she is no longer with us.

Grandma has wonderful green fingers. She loves gardening and till today, her garden is always full with plants, flowers and local herbs. She has fully utilized every space in her garden as well as her backyard. She's that type that knows how to take a little bit from a plant and grow that again beautifully in another place or pot. She actually dyes her hair with the henna leaves that she grew a while back from a small section of the plant that she took from a roadside.

She also has a belimbing (Malay: not starfruit but very small fruit that is sour) tree in front of her house and she will make sambal (a Malay spicy dish) or achar out of the fruits whenever there are plenty. She is very handy when it comes to these things too, she knows how to make full use of whatever she has.

Grandma is also an avid gambler. She loves her empat ekor (4-digit lottery) and it was through her that I learnt about the whole existence of the 4-digit world. I remember when I was young, I will see Grandma searching through her lottery "bible" - the one whereby it shows you pictures of what you dreamt off and there is a 4-digit number that links to that picture. It sure amazed me then that there was such a thing!

I know I just mentioned that my Grandma cannot write. She is not 100% illiterate especially when it comes to numbers. She can write numbers alright, so I'm guessing that through her gambling ways, she had mastered how to remember and write numbers down. Anyway, I believe that she can read also although I've not seen her reading books before (her lottery bible and also checking the newspapers for the results of the lottery don't count).

How obsessed is she into numbers? Well, till today, whenever anyone of us leaves her place and into our cars, she will be standing by her gate, observing our car plate numbers. And if she can't see the numbers, she will ask us for the numbers, all the time!

And how many times she won the lottery? She had but they were all not huge amounts and we always nag her that what she had spent so far outweights what she had won. And her response "I bet small amounts only, RM1 each time!"

During Chinese New Year, for sure you will see my dear Grandma joining us for our gambling sessions till the wee hours in the morning. You can see that she is so sleepy and tired but still want to gamble.

Few years back, before I got pregnant, my brother, cousin brother and I took my Grandma up to Genting Highlands for a day trip for her birthday. She was really happy as she is too old now to travel on her own there (yes, she had several times before by taking the bus up alone during her healthier days!). We were there for several hours, perhaps 5-6 hours and during all that time, my Grandma was really glued to her seat playing Roulette. I had to remind her several times whether she needs to drink/eat or go to the toilet. She won several hundreds that day.

My Grandma favours boys more than girls. Till today, she will deny this whenever we bring this up (pretty rare these days as you do not want to get into an argument with her) but it is very obvious in her actions to my uncles or cousin brother (I say cousin brother as I know she favours one more than her other grandsons - "I", if you're reading this, you know that this is true!). There are many facts to prove this but I'm not here to go all out to diss my Grandma ok?!.

One thing about my Grandma as well is that you would not want to get into a fight with her, she will win no matter what! She is that type that must have the last word and no matter how hard you justify to her your strong facts, she will always have the last word and you, in the end, will just surrender and keep silent.

She is not the MIL (mother-in-law) you want. Haha, I dare say this as she is my Grandma. But really, I myself would not want her as my MIL and Thank God that my MIL is not like her. ;)
Having said that, because I'm part of her flesh, I know she will defend me if someone were to talk bad about me in front of her. She's like that. Period. She will go all out for someone she loves dearly and who is especially part of her flesh. So you can imagine what she will do for those that she favours!

Why I want to post about my Grandma is because I want to share on the interesting relationship she had with my Grandpa. If it is not obvious enough yet, both of them are actually totally opposites. There were recent events that actually drove me into wanting to post this up first. I will share on their relationship and of the recent events another time.

The wake and funeral

2007-09-12T12:48:00.000-07:00

Grandpa had his wish for a Catholic funeral.

His body was laid at Holy Rosary church (the funeral parlour section) early evening on the day he passed away. We (hubby, the girl and I) went there that night.

The moment we arrived, I noticed he had a white coffin. I wanted to see him and decided not to let the girl see his body (I feel she's too young to understand the situation and if any memory I want her to have of Grandpa would be those in the photos we have of him, a healthier version rather than his dead body - she recognizes his pictures and will go "mummy's grandpa"). And I was right to make this decision as when I first lay sight on his body, I'm also shocked.

He had been already been skinnier for the past year, and the past few months, his body was getting very thin, close to skeletal (he had not been eating in the last few months). And what laid in the coffin before me, was a very close description of a skeleton. His eye sockets had already sucken in and so did whatever cheeks he had left. I was surprised because he was not looking like this when I saw him a week back.

Although his face doesn't look like the man we may know, he was dressed handsomely in his own suit (with a vest) which he wore in the very same church when my parents were married there 34 years ago. I got to see his suit the next day when the undertakers came to replenish the dry ice in the coffin (this is something I would like to blog on one day, as in these undertakers' job). The rest of us who have not seen his full body yet got to see him today before his body was brought into church and where each of us left a flower on him.

Before I move on, let me share on something, one of my weaknesses. I'm scared of death (as you all already know) and also of ghosts. Although I've had encounters with ghosts, I am still terrified with these matters and this is why I totally avoid ghost movies. I also do not like funerals (who does?!) and you can say that I am scared of them due to it being related to death and perhaps ghosts.

So when I went into the parlour alone (at that time, there were a few people around and they were sitting outside of the parlour), I was scared but I felt the need to and this overcome my weakness. Although I was shocked with how Grandpa looked, I remained there and cried and was picturing the Grandpa I once knew, the happy memories of a healthier him. I think I stood there for several minutes until I realized a tear of mine dropped on his coffin and hence, broke the trance. I turned away and realized that hubby came into the parlour with the girl so I walked to them.

We hung out there for a bit and then left. That night, as I mentioned before I could not sleep well. I was in between sad and scared at the same time. For the record, when I posted previously that I kept hearing Grandpa's voice telling me not to be scared and all, it was not as if he was there by my side kind of thing. It is like the inner voice you hear in your head. Grandpa had, numerous times, advised me on many things in my life when I was growing up and I pretty much know his style so when I was worried and scared, I usually will ask myself what will Grandpa has to say about it. I need to make this clear as my sister was telling me "what-la, grandpa talking to you and all?" after reading that post. :p

Anyhow, the next day which was yesterday (the second day after Grandpa's death), I also got to know that many of us couldn't sleep that night either. My young cousin sister, Natalie told me that she had to sleep with her mom as she was scared (reminded me of myself when my paternal grandmother passed away when I was 16 and I had to sleep in the same bed as my sister as I was scared like hell). I asked her what is she scared of and she replied "Ghost". I told her what is there to be scared off since she didn't do Grandpa any wrong (I told her this because this was exactly what my sister told me when I told her I was scared just before I arrived at the parlour...haha). I asked my mom whether she was scared as she also couldn't sleep and replied "Scared?! No-lah, sad-la of course, what is there to be scared of?!".

Back to the wake, I missed the prayers on the first night as I was in between entertaining the girl and other non-christians guests. So on the second night, I joined the prayers. We are blessed that Grandpa has Catholic neighbours and friends that assisted us with the wake and the funeral. They also lead the prayers. I am not a Catholic but I consider myself familiar (mostly) with it since I was raised in one (not fully and thoroughly of course) as I did spend most of my childhood days in Grandpa's house. I am not 100% (not even half of that) well versed in the prayers and I do get lost when I attend services in church or in prayer gatherings. And in Grandpa's wake and funeral service, I was totally lost. I do not know when to response and also what to say and there were alot of "Hail Mary's" and "Our Father" verses said over and over again like in any other services.

I like the wake and funeral, it was peaceful. And luckily, the songs were easy to follow. At least I can sing along to the words printed in the books. I've only been to a Catholic funeral once, my great grandmother's. This was just 3 weeks before I delivered Rye Li and her funeral was a sweet and short one, with everything done in 1 day.

So Grandpa's can be considered my second one and I very much like the way it went. The church service was held at 10am this morning, in the church of course. But before that, we had a personal one, some prayers for him done in the parlour before he was moved into the church. Too bad that the priest who lead the service wasn't to clear in his sermon so I couldn't capture mostly what he had to say other than what he read from the book which we all also had. I was mostly looking around and capturing as much as I could with what was going on.

The girl was sitting 2 rows behind me in the first half of the service. I didn't want to sit with her as I know she will want my attention. She behaved very well, sitting with her papa, observing around her till she got bored and asked for me. So I went and sat with them halfway. I am proud of her since this was her very first church service and she knew how to behave. Even throughout the wake (the last 2 nights, I brought her there after the nursery), she was very well behaved, of course, with the occasional questions of wanting me to carry her.

When the church service was over, we had to adjourn to the crematorium in PJ so I decided to drop the girl off at the nursery (which was on the way) before heading there. I thought it was the very same crematorium place in which my great grandmother was also cremated. When hubby and I arrived there, the place was empty but I noticed my uncles's cars were parked there. I walked around but couldn't find anybody and my phone calls to my brother and mother were unanswered. The people who worked there saw us wandering and when we asked them where were the people, they said that they were next door (where the chinese funeral parlour were). I didn't think that they would be there initially as I knew it was a Chinese funeral parlour. Also, I wasn't aware that there was another crematorium in there.

So by the time I actually found the crowd, Grandpa was already 'sent in'. They had a quick prayer and a last song sang (Amazing Grace). I was sad that I missed it but hubby consoled me by saying that perhaps it was meant to be and it was for the best as I would be even sadder should I be there during the 'sent off'. I just missed it by several minutes coz by the time I saw my brother and cousin (who recorded the whole thing), they were tearing. I chose not to see the recording.

I did take some pictures of the funeral, not inside the coffin of course (my cousin did) but on the overall look. Grandpa's coffin between the beautiful flowers he had received and also when we had the service inside the church. I wish I can put them up here but I have problems uploading photos in this site as they easily get distorted. And I've not figured how to link them from other photo sites yet. Perhaps one day when I've figured it out, I will as there is an old picture of Grandpa that I like very much, a cute picture of him that belongs to my cousin which I managed to capture on my camera.

In Grandpa's words "Life goes on, don't worry about me. I am alright, I am happy that I got to see my great grandchildren and all are well. You all take care and move on. I love you all"

I like the last song sang in the church today and the chorus is still ringing in my head...I'm dedicating the chorus to Grandpa as I do hope to see him one day when my time comes.

"In the sweet bye and bye, till we meet on that beautiful shore"

No longer with us

2007-09-10T23:52:00.000-07:00

Grandpa has left us, yesterday morning. I am happy that he is no longer suffering and that this is what he has been waiting for since July. And yet, I’m deeply saddened that I no longer have the Grandpa I have known my whole life.

I am feeling guilty as well. I wanted to update on him over the long weekend, how he has lived to see our 50 year’s celebration. Wanted to share that Grandpa was my age when our country first got its independence 50 years ago and that I was wondering whether I will still be around 50 years from now, like Grandpa’s age.

I’m also feeling sorry that I didn’t get to see him over this weekend. Honestly, I didn’t feel the need to.

I got to know that they stopped giving him the drip last Thursday yesterday from my mom and I was telling her “why didn’t you tell me?” coz I would have gone to see him. I know that once the drip is taken away (he has not been eating already), he will have that little days or weeks left.

I’m also feeling guilty that I wanted to update on him over this weekend but my own work got the better of me.

While I’m feeling guilty and sorry the whole time yesterday after I heard the news, and while I’m disturbed the whole night by this (I couldn’t sleep well), I kept hearing Grandpa’s voice “Don’t feel sorry, what is there to feel sorry?”.

And while I’m also feeling disturbed with death and that I’m also feeling scared (it’s the end of the ghost month yesterday), I also kept hearing Grandpa’s voice “No need to be scared as there is nothing to be scared off”.

The last I saw Grandpa was over a week ago, over the long weekend we had. We spent several hours there, just before we picked my in-laws from the bus station. My Grandma cooked assam laksa (a Malaysian dish and also one of my favourites) that day.

Grandpa called out “Rye Li” so many times when he knew it was us that visiting him. That’s just him. It’s not easy for him to talk and yet he will for the sake of us. I also joked with him that he has lived to see our country celebrating its 50 years.

He asked for cold coffee when I was there and I fed him that through the syringe (like how you would feed a baby medicine). I think he only drank 2 tablespoon of coffee. My aunt told me that it was good that he asked for this as he wasn’t eating already then. She also said that it was a miracle that he was still alive and I told her that it was due to the glucose drip (this is how the coma patients can live for years although they are not consuming food).

Anyway, I just wanted to update on this for today. This will not be the end of my stories for Grandpa, there’s a whole lot more.

I will update on the funeral soon, something I also want to share on. The funeral will be tomorrow.